Tu Compania
by tay0720
Summary: AU Spashley. Mean Girls, D.E.B.S., and everything in between. Check it out and Review please.
1. All Again For You

**Authors Intro:  
Eyeheartmusik:** Hey guys. First off, I'd like to say that I'm really excited to be bringing you this new story. And I'd also like to let you know that I've co written it with Tay0720, who happens to be the sloth to my cow(I won't even try to explain) aka my best friend. This story is very different in the way that it's written and I think that's why we've enjoyed writing it for you so much. The entire thing is told in Blogs, IM's, Emails, and some first person narration. We hope you like it and look forward to any feedback you might have.

**Tay0720 says:** Word.

**Summary:** Spencer is a senior at King High and is very popular: she's the senior class president and a member of the Step Dance Team. Her parents divorced when she was a child and her mother has remarried Ben, who had one child by his first wife. Her name is Kyla. Yes, it is THE Kyla. Spencer and Kyla are not close. However, Kyla is best friends with Ashley Davies, another outsider. Their worlds are all turned upside down when Spencer decides to create an OurChart account to meet new friends. Prepare yourselves for a rollercoaster ride of emotions and unexpected twists in this cyber-themed romance.

**Pairings:** Spencer/Aiden, eventual Spencer/Ashley, Ashley/Random Ho, Spencer/Random Ho

**Rating:** PG-16 (because I said so) to Strong R and beyond. But for now, PG-16.

**Helpful hints:** Spencer's username is TrojansNotNeeded. This first entry is her Ourchart profile survey and her first blog entry. It may be lengthy but it's all worth it I promise! I(eyeheartmusik) will be writing from Spencer's perspective and Tay will be writing from Ashley's. Hope you enjoy it.

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**Chapter 1: All Again For You**

Name:Just call me TrojansNotNeeded

Nickname:Well I don't really have any. I get yelled at a lot in the halls, cutie or baby. But those aren't nicknames I mean, I know that. Ugh. My nickname should be Spaz.

Birthdate:sometime in the year 1990. I hate birthdays.

Birthplace: Wow, stalker much?

Hometown:Again with the stalking.

Eye Color & Hair Color:Blue and Blondish.

Height & Weight:Tall enough and a lady never tells.

Occupation / School:Well aside from my very successful donut factory run by small immigrant children? rolls eyes I'm a senior.

Righty or Lefty:Both actually, like that's supposed to be impressive or something.

Heritage:I think there is some German in there somewhere.

Favorite Color:I really like red, there is this girl in my Spanish IV class who always wears red and it makes her look so...I mean she looks really cute in it. Great color for her skin.

Favorite Animal:It's a tie between a lion and a lamb.

Favorite TV Show / Movie: The L Word/Debs but that doesn't mean anything. I mean they're just movies right? I'm just here for someone to talk to.

Favorite Cartoon: Doug. I miss Doug a lot. Everything was so simple when you wore khaki shorts and green sweater vests.

Favorite Song: I really can't have a favorite ever, but currently it's Heartbeat by Stereo Skyline. Just don't tell Madison.

Favorite Sport: Obviously I like basketball and football. But I love to dance.

Favorite Actor / Actress: Ellen Page is really...talented.

Favorite Musician: Hayley Williams is... also talented.

Favorite Athlete: I don't really have one. They're all so inspirational. Mia Hamm. There. I'm a closet soccer freak.

Favorite Comedian: Dane Cook is boss.

Favorite Food: I love love love cinnamon toast.

Favorite Drink: I haven't really had anything but Sprite and water since 7th grade.

Favorite Number: 32...

Favorite School Subject: I really love English and creative writing.

Favorite Clothing: Hollister is pretty much my life; their blazers are so hot right now.

Favorite Book: Everybody Poops. You think I'm kidding but I'm not.

Favorite Snack Food: Carrots and Ranch, my mom is kind of a health nut.

Favorite Season: Fall. I love the way the air smells so crisp and clean. It makes me miss home.

Hobby:I love to write, I guess that's kind of why I'm here. I'll most likely be blogging a lot.

Talent: Still looking for that.

Age of first kiss: Oh god. 13. His name was Bobby and when he kissed me, I kept thinking, really? Is that it? But I mean that doesn't mean anything right? That's normal, not all first kisses are great.

Age you lost your virginity: Oh wow. Getting really personal, I'll pass on that.

Age you got married: Thank God I'm not married.

Age you had your first kid: Oh I was about 8. I don't have kids. I'm only 18!

Have you ever been drunk: Unfortunately yes, I have zero alcohol tolerance. It runs in the family, my step sister has one sip of champagne and starts screaming about planet of the apes. Whatever that is.

Have you ever gotten high: Hugs not drugs.

Have you ever been arrested: I haven't but it's up there on the list of things to do

Have you ever been in a fight :Not like a fist fight, I'm not very violent but I've seen my boyfriend in plenty.

Have you ever been in an accident: No unless you count my birth.

Fears :Being alone and unhappy. Unfufillment.

Most important possession(s): My laptop and my iTouch.

Pet Peeve: Chewing gum really loudly. I hate that. God my step sister is such a cow sometimes.

Number of Tattoos: You'll have to find out

Number of Piercings: Just my ears and nose.

Best quality: I can be a really good listener and I try to accept everyone. Even my step sister's weird friends. And my step sister.

Best physical trait: Everyone tells me it's my eyes.

In the opposite sex...

Cute or Sexy: At this point, I'll take either or both.

Taller or Shorter: I like someone a little shorter. It's sexy to bend down and kiss someone.

Lips or Eyes: I'm most attracted to lips. Especially to people who bite their lips.

Petite or Big: It doesn't matter. I like a nice muscular tone though.

Sweet or Caring: Both will do for me. Though sometimes I like someone a bit rude, a little bit of jackass in someone is hot.

Easygoing or Serious: Seriousness is required for me, I'm a serious student. I can't wait to go to USC.

Sensitive or Loud: I really love someone who is sensitive, because like I said, I like to listen.

Thoughts on...

Abortion: Pro Choice. Everyone has the right to choose their own path. Though it isn't a decision that should be made lightly.

Gay Marriage: gulp

Gun Control: Psh whatever, I mean if people want to shoot each other that's their business.

God: I think that someone is watching out for us.

Aliens: Oh my god yes. My step sister will never shut up about aliens from Roswell. She cried when I told her the show wasn't real. I mean she was 12 but I guess I shouldn't have. That Isabelle... I mean Max guy was hot.

January 23, 2008  
Time: 7:43 PM  
Mood: Entertained  
User: TrojansNotNeeded

Okay so I'm assuming that this will feel less awkward the more I do it. I haven't ever really written a blog before but there's a first time for everything. That's not why I'm on this site though, the first time for everything. Well, actually it could be. I'm not too sure; I just need someone to talk to. The L Word is one of my favorite shows and OurChart seemed like a good place to meet friends. I'm straight though. I have this boyfriend, let's just call him Addison, we've been together for a long time. Almost two years now and he is really great. Technically, he's everything any girl could want but I just feel like there is something missing. If you asked me what was wrong, I honestly couldn't tell you. Maybe it's just me, maybe there's something wrong with me. Has anyone else ever felt like this? I feel like every move in my life is being plotted and planned out without my input.

My mother is a doctor and all I've ever heard from her was when and where I was going to medical school. What age it would be appropriate for me to marry Addison and how many children we are going to have. It's like I have no control over anything in my life. I don't even want to go to medical school, and I really don't want to go to UCLA. When my parents were still married, my father used to tell me to follow my dreams. But I don't see him that much, anymore. In some ways, I envy my step-sister. Trust me if you knew her, you would know how ridiculous that is. I mean, here I am Senior Class President, with a gorgeous boyfriend and pretty much perfect grades. I'm jealous of a girl who sits in front of a computer all day playing World of Warcraft, thinks overalls are still in style, and gets mad when the Reparo spell doesn't work on the frames of her horn-rimmed glasses. Yet, no one is trying to control her life. My step-dad barely ever looks at her, much less dictates which college she's going to attend.

If it were up to me, I would be going to USC Annenberg. I hate science and math; the dissections in Biology have always made me faint. Freeze-dried frog intestines make me want to vomit, how could I possibly be a doctor? Nothing adds up but apparently, I don't have a choice in the matter. As for Addison, he is set to receive a basketball scholarship from UCLA as long as he isn't injured this season. I can't help but be proud of him. Except, he keeps talking about our plans and our future. It's freaking me out. Like earlier today, he came up to my locker and put his big muscular arm around my shoulders and said, "Have I told you how much I love you today?"

"No," I replied hastily shutting my locker quickly and removing his arm from my shoulders and placing my small hand into his larger palm. He grinned and pecked me on the cheek. His lips were so soft against my cheekbone it could have been mistaken for a small puff of air. A small girl with glasses bumped into me and looked up apologetically.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. She looked familiar but I couldn't place her. "I guess there's not much room for walking when the Queen is in the building."

"Do I know you?" I asked. Although I tried to be nice to everyone, my friends weren't always so accommodating, so it wasn't unusual to find someone who was less than a fan of me or my crowd.

"I'm in your Spanish Class." Oh yes. Now I remembered. The girl who always wore red. "I dated your friend Taycen."

"Aha Well in that case I'm sorry," I said putting my hand on her should as Addison chuckled. "She's a total slut. If I had known, I would have warned you."  
"Babe, let's go. We're gonna be late," Addison said hauling me away from the girl I now remembered to be named Brooke. Before we entered the English Lit room, he bent down and placed a finger underneath my chin, bringing our lips together. No sparks. Yet again. "I can't wait until we can be together forever."

Talk about squirming in an oily pool of unease. I mean seriously, he has to stop with the future talk. But that's enough about my kind-of-love life. Let's get to my friends. By the way, I've changed the names because I really want to be honest here and I don't feel like getting my ass kicked if I want to talk some smack.

We'll start with the easy best friend first. Not easy in the sense of getting laid easy but easy as in easy to be friends with. Did that make any sense? He and I have known each other for a long time. When I first moved to LA in grade school, I was a bit of a misfit. First of all I had long stringy dishwater blonde hair and crooked teeth marring my appearance, plus I had the worst speech impediment in the history of impediments. I'm talking like Princess Bride preacher impediment. But Parker saw through that during lunch on my first day and he saved me. From a flying carrot drenched in ranch dressing, that is. Little did I know that the flying vegetable missile would cause us to bond quicker than crazy glue to human skin.

The origin of the carrot projectile weapon brings us to my other best friend. Before we were best friends, Taycen and I were mortal enemies. She was my rival in everything I did, whether we were playing dodge ball in PE or drawing unicorns in Art Class: Taycen had to be better. And of course, like every elementary school queen she had an entourage. Madison and Sherry followed her everywhere like little chubby pint sized bodyguards. I don't know when it happened, but one day Taycen started eating lunch by herself. I think it was the beginning of sixth grade, about the time that we were all getting boy crazy, and her entourage suddenly melted away, revealing a quieter shier Taycen. At first, I was overjoyed at my nemesis' apparent fall from grace. But then I heard the rumors about the summer. Long story short, Taycen was gay and everyone hated her.

Personally, I didn't think it was fair for someone to be judged like that, especially right before Junior High. The first day I sat down with her, she looked at me like I was crazy but she wasn't mean like I remembered. After that, Parker and I adopted to her into the Thundercats. Now it sounds really lame but by the end of sixth grade, everyone wanted to be a Thundercat. With our newest additions, Addison (who moved to California halfway through the year) and Taycen we made a fearsome foursome. That's right; we have all been best friends since sixth grade, which explains our untouchable status now. We're kind of a big deal.

But back to why I'm here. It isn't that I'm unhappy with my friends that I have, but I just want somewhere where I can feel like myself for once. Parker is great when he pretends like he isn't in love with me and Taycen is always good for a fun time (not that kind of time, she's like a roller coaster and I am not down for that ride) but I just want to be me. I want to figure out who that is. I'm looking for someone to help me.


	2. Welcome To My Life

**A/N:** Hey everyone. Here's the second chapter, and your introduction to Ashley. Her Screenname is [obviously adhasnovds. I/We hope you like it!

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**Chapter 2: Welcome To My Life**

Getting to Know Me...

Name: adhasnovds … it's an inside joke. But it's also the truth. So.  
Nickname: you'll just have to wait and find out  
Birthdate: 1990  
Birthplace: City of Angels  
Hometown: See above  
Eye Color & Hair Color: Hot Chocolate and Hershey's Kisses  
Height & Weight: Average and A little more to love lolz  
Occupation / School: USC here I [hopefully come!  
Righty or Lefty: I'm a switch hitter ;-)  
Heritage: Get to know me first...then I'll let you in on my family secrets

Favorite Color: Ocean Blue...you know, like the ocean  
Favorite Animal: Dolphins  
Favorite TV Show / Movie: Buffy/Imagine Me and You. Piper is smokin' hot  
Favorite Cartoon: Old School Doug  
Favorite Song: Bet on It - Zac Efron ... what? It's totally the gay anthem of 2007!  
Favorite Sport: Foxy Boxing?  
Favorite Actor / Actress: Jill Bennett, Leisha Hailey, Ellen Page  
Favorite Musician: Justin Timberlake omgz hez so cuuute...gags please... secretly plays rock your body  
Favorite Athlete: Sports and I don't really get along...but Amanda Bynes makes a hawt soccer player  
Favorite Comedian: My best friend when she's drunk  
Favorite Food: Cheese. Look at me weird all you want, but I love gouda. Step off. :-)  
Favorite Drink: Water. It's so refreshing after partaking in...activities ;-p  
Favorite Number: 69 hahaha...no but really. 69  
Favorite School Subject: Sex Ed  
Favorite Clothing: My sexy little red thong...see through dontcha know  
Favorite Book: Madonna's Sex Book  
Favorite Snack Food: French Fries and Ranch Dressing  
Favorite Season: Spummer. Yes, I made up my own season. The in between of Spring and Summer

Hobby: Your mom...oh wait, that's not a hobby, that's a full time job.  
Talent: I can remain completely unnoticed at any given time

Age of first kiss: Well...ya know. 12.  
Age you lost your virginity: Ohh, a lady never tells!  
Age you got married: Is this Canada? This isn't Canada...  
Age you had your first kid: Yeahhh...bout that.

Have you ever been drunk: I don't see the point in drinking  
Have you ever gotten high: Hugs not drugs damn it!  
Have you ever been arrested: I have not...that anyone is aware of that is  
Have you ever been in a fight: Everyday, I'm pretty badass.  
Have you ever been in an accident: We don't talk about that...

Fears: The male anatomy  
Most important possession(s): My Katie Hightower: Out To Pasture CD. Autographed bitches  
Pet Peeve: Slow Drivers and People that stand in the middle of the hallway

Number of Tattoos: One  
Number of Piercings: Hmm...you'll just have to come over and find out

Best quality: My quick wit  
Best physical trait: Buns of Steel

In the opposite sex...

Cute or Sexy: Let's make it the same sex shall we? And both. It's possible. Rare, but possible  
Taller or Shorter: Either or, but if they're taller I have more...uh...yeahhh  
Lips or Eyes: Both again  
Petite or Big: Hey, I don't discriminate  
Sweet or Caring: Come on,, both!  
Easygoing or Serious: Seriously easy going.  
Sensitive or Loud: There should be a nice ballance

Thoughts on...

Abortion: I suppose it's the person's choice...  
Gay Marriage: Hey, let's go man. Who wants to get hitched?  
Gun Control: Who cares man...no one follows those rules  
God: hates me because I'm gaaaaaaaay! emo emo emo  
Aliens: E.T. called, he said he wants his anal probe back.

January 23, 2008  
Time: 8:10 PM  
Mood: Quixotic  
User: adhasnovds

Well, I've been on here many times before watching the GirlTrash! episodes over and over, wishing they'd bring it back so I could finally see those two hotties Misty and Colby get. It. On. But alas, I've been stiffed yet another week. Le sigh.

I figured it was time to get a profile on here though. I mean, what lesbian doesn't have an ourchart profile? Probably a lot I'm sure, but hey, I'm here to support Alice's endeavor. What can I say; I love my L Word ladies. Oh, by the way, BRING BACK DANA!

A lot has happened in my life, some things worse than others of course. My mother died when I was little. So young I don't even have any memories with her. I wouldn't even know what she looked like if it weren't for the picture my dad gave me. She was beautiful; long silky black hair, gorgeous brown eyes, and a very nice figure. If she weren't my mom I'd definitely consider her hot. But like I said, she's my mom.

My dad remarried two years after mom's death and I got stuck with an evil stepmother and two god awful stepsisters. I know, I know I'm making it sound like I'm Cinderella or something, but it's not that bad yet. I actually never intend on it getting that bad either. Once I get my letter from USC I'm out of this house for good.

That campus is like my heaven on earth. I feel more at home there than I do my own house. The fact that my stepmother and her spawns of Satan only exist to make my life hell are the main reason for that.

I guess it also has to do with the fact that my dad is no longer there; he died a few years after he married the bitch. I don't talk about that much. It's too painful to think about. I don't even talk about it with my best friend. It's not that I don't trust her, I do, I just…there are just some things a girl needs to keep private, and she understands completely.

I love that girl more than she realizes, and it's safe to say that yes, I've had a thing for her before. It never developed into anything more, she's as straight as they come and the more we hung out, the more I realized how weird it would be if we did get together. K and I, that's what I'll be calling her by the way, are too similar. Granted we're different in major ways too, but there's no way in hell I'd want to get involved with that family. Her sister is the biggest pain in the ass and doesn't realize what she has in K. It's so sad she takes her for granted like that.

Honestly, this girl is so unbelievably full of herself it's amazing they haven't had to widen the doorways in their house so she can fit her over inflated ego through them. She's basically the Regina George of our school and her friends do nothing but exacerbate the problem; always complimenting her for every little thing while K goes unnoticed for her accomplishments. She's got her Aaron Samuels and of course her Gretchen and Karen. Her Aaron and her Karen have been hooking up for a while. Did I mention that Karen is of the male persuasion? ALLEGEDLY! Sorry, had a Kathy Griffin moment.

But seriously, I've seen the way those two look at each other. There's something going on there, I don't need a gaydar gun to tell me that. Karen has always been a little…fruity.

Her Gretchen though, total bitch. Obviously not as big of one as Regina, but for someone that looks like her…and I know that sounds terrible but God definitely broke the mold with that one. No, like, he made her and was like DAMN and broke that thing into a million pieces and incinerated it. Anyway, the girl is insanely bitchy and extremely fake. Rumor has it she's a pretty good lay, but rumor also has it that she started that one herself. Wouldn't doubt it either.

She's gay too. Gretchen, not Regina. Dear god, if Regina was gay I would die. Hilarity would ensue ten fold that of when she tripped up the stairs…while she was carrying paint. Classic. Anyway, yeah, so Gretchen is gay. I don't know from personal experience, but I wouldn't touch that girl with a 39 and a half foot pole. (I apologize for all the movie references by the way, film is my life). She's experienced to say the least. She's the Pillsbury Dough Boy of our school. Just about everyone, guys included, has had a poke. That thought alone makes me shiver.

You're probably confused right? I say she's gay and then I say she's been with guys? Yeah well, this girl likes to claim she's bi, but we all know that the times she's been with boys is when the alcohol was flowing. I guess her mom is uber religious freak so that's why she brings the boys around. From what I hear though, people only stay for one night. Guess she's not that great.

Back to that neurotic head case Regina though. I guess you could consider her a, continuing with the Mean Girls theme I've set up, "regulation hottie." All the boys want her; all the girls want to be her. Well, ok not all the girls, but you know what I'm saying. She thinks her shit doesn't stink. She walks around like she owns the school, which in a sense she sort of does. You'd think she'd use her influence to help out her sister once in a while. I'm not saying that K needs help with anything, because she so doesn't. I'm saying she could at least acknowledge her presence when they're around each other, which, thanks to Regina, doesn't happen quite often.

Like I said, she takes K for granted in a major way. Like, we're talking avoidance of the plague; those are the lengths she goes to avoid her. I wish K would just let me beat her up and teach her some respect, but damn her she won't let me. Claims she "loves" her, and she probably does. K has a big heart. If only the same could be said for Regina.

There's really nothing wrong with my girl. So she has a thing for Agent Mulder, tries to be a Hogwarts student every now and then, has seen every LOTR movie at least 50 times and fantasizes about Sam Gamgee, and can probably hack into the CIA mainframe in less time than it takes to make a PBJ. She's unique and I love that about her.

I could go on and on for pages, but I won't bore you any longer. I guess the whole reason I started posting here was cause I was looking for a place to get my thoughts out that was more private and more anonymous than a journal hidden in my room. I also wouldn't mind talking to new people. My school is an obnoxious little bubble and this seems like a good place for escape. It may not seem like it, but I really am a good listener. So, ya know, if you wanna talk…I'm here.

---

I clicked submit and closed the browser. If people read that rant and I just so happened to get a few phone numbers…well I wouldn't complain. I wasn't lying when I said I needed a place to get my thoughts out, but I wouldn't mind reaping the benefits of some girls that decided to message me afterwards.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no slut. I go on dates, have fun, and sometimes I'll call the girl again. If I get lucky, then I get lucky. I do have a conscience and have even stopped it from escalating further than a hot and heavy make out session. I'm just not for commitment right now. My last relationship didn't end very well so I've decided to be single for a while.

My phone lit up and blared Irreplaceable; Kyla's idea…definitely not mine. I flipped it open while I made a mental note to convince her to let me change it.

"Hey Ky, what's up?"

She groaned into the phone, "Ugh Ash, please come over. The Idiot Brigade is back and I can feel my IQ dropping drastically."

"I'm sure your IQ is still intact genius," I lightly laughed. "I'll be over in a few just hang tight."

Yet another typical day in the life of Ashley Davies…


	3. Don't Get Yourself In Situations

Just for reference, we do go into first person narration here and to be helpful since the names in the blog are changed, even though I don't think any of you are thick enough not to get it, TaycenTaylor, Parker Patrick, Addison Aiden

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**Chapter 3: Don't Get Yourself In Situations**

January 25, 2008  
Time: 6:21 PM  
Mood: Irritated  
User: TrojansNotNeeded

Do you think that someone could possibly watch a movie too many times? I'm a little afraid that I may be slightly over-obsessed with this particular movie. Well actually, it's like three different movies. You see, I don't know why but one day this DVD just showed up in my mailbox. I didn't even order it, I thought it might have been a joke from Taycen but I watched it anyway. Afterwards, it became this "obsession", though I wouldn't necessarily call it that. I just love it. The movie is so funny and the relationships between the characters flow so easily. Ugh, speaking of relationships, my mancandy has been annoying me yet again. Yesterday, he actually wanted to go ring shopping. I was like, so I don't get any say in the fact that I'm almost damn sure that I'm not in love with you?!

But as usual my spine had gone missing, so I said nothing and went along. They say diamonds are a girl's best friend but honestly, they seem more like sparkly prison bars to me. I mean it's like a guy's way of locking you up and throwing away the key. Forever! Forrrrrrr-evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv-errrrrrrrrr. You hear about men cheating on their wives all the time and I mean, people are like oh what a shame whoopeedoo let's watch American Idol. But if a woman cheats on her husband, it's like the entire SWAT team is called down from Special Ops to attach the scarlet A to her chest and make sure that people try and burn her at the stake. Just a little double standard. Personally, I really honestly would have taken being burned at the stake over shopping in Tiffany's with Addison. The guy is like a woman, only worse, meticulously going over band designs with the salesmen while I tried to look interested in whatever they were going over.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't even get married. I just think the whole institution is pure crap. I mean my mom left my dad for a married man who left his wife for my mom. Essentially, married people shouldn't have kids. Because all they do is rip them apart and it screws them up. Just look at my weirdo step-sister, she never talks to anyone but this creepy little girl who wouldn't even tell me her name the first time we met. Granted, Taycen and Parker have been over here every time we've been introduced but I mean how rude is that?! Anyway, it just goes to show the company you keep reflects upon yourself. Except, I'm not a slut like Taycen. But I could be. Anyway, now that I've gotten off onto a complete and utter tangent that is irrelevant to my original topic…

Back to the movie. Now I've heard people call this a cult classic, among well your people (i.e.…lesbians), and I have to tell you I love it. So most of you should know the title D.E.B.S. and if you don't you must go out immediately and buy it. Not rent it. Buy it. So this movie, it like finds me right? I mean it was fate, I was meant to have this movie. The moment I saw those plaid skirts, I knew that there really was a secret test in the SAT and it was only a matter of time before they recruited me. Obviously, my eccentric step-sister is not the only one who is delusional in this house. But honestly, D.E.B.S. can be used to navigate life. You have romance, drama, action, comedy and solution. And not too mention one of the hottest super-villains ever. I can say that, because I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to know that I'm just admiring the fact that she has been beautifully built. Right? Shit.

This is also something I need help on. I don't know whether or not it's natural for me to be admiring women this way. Honestly, I can't help but notice when a gorgeous woman walks by me on the street. But I wouldn't say that I'm checking her out. I've never even wanted to kiss a girl before, much less, do what the people on the L-word to each other. Okay that's a lie; I wouldn't say I would never kiss a girl because there was that one dream that I had about Leisha Haley when she was dressed in the bunny suit offering me carrots and other things. Taycen says that I'm the straightest girl she knows but that's only because I won't have sex with her no matter how drunk she gets me. It isn't that I'm the straightest girl she knows, I mean all of the lesbian pop culture I'm exposed to must have downgraded my straight status a little, it's just that I don't want VD.

Frankly, I really don't think I'm gay. The repercussions if I were gay would be monumental. I can only imagine how my mother would react. If I were to actually tell her, that is. We would be sitting down in the enormous kitchen that she never uses and she would fold her hands in front of her and cock her head to the side waiting for my revelation. Of course, she would assume I was pregnant with Addison's child or that Taycen had once again defiled her living room loveseat. As the truth dawned in her eyes, her face would contort in horror and then she would grab my arm and plead for it not to be true. Sadly, I would refuse to deny it and then, her horror would transform to rage. The arm she had clutched so protectively would be used to drag me outside, where she and our perfect Stepford neighbors would proceed to stone me with the leftover building materials from our rock waterfall.

My eyes are burning, should my eyes be burning? Parker bought me some visine, I just forgot where I put it. When I stress out, it's like my eyes get super dry and start to burn. I have no idea why and it only happens whenever I stress about my mom. But enough about Dr. Doom. I do want to talk about my sister for a moment though.

Remember her little creepy friend I was telling you about? She's over here right now. Parker and Taycen are lounging in front of me on the infamous loveseat. My sister just came in to see if we wanted anything to eat but Taycen once again, had to be a total bitch. I'll apologize later; it wouldn't do any good now anyway. I know I make Taycen out to be a bad person but it's only because I don't focus on the good things she does. Well, she hasn't actually done any good things in a long time but once upon a time, she was a sweet girl. I think she changed after some of the girls at school put up those fliers about her and her volleyball coach. Taycen and my sister used to get along but I have no idea what happened, it was like World War 3 in my kitchen one day after school. I can hear them watching Lord of the Rings again, Frodo was a serious fag. I mean, he and Samwise were totaaaaaaalllly getting it on. That look at the end of Return of the King said it all. And then Samwise had to go and be a dick, breaking Frodo's heart and marrying that hobbit slut Rosie. 

No one knows about my secret movie collection by the way, and I know I shouldn't worry but I'm completely paranoid that someone on here is going to figure out who I am and then my obsession will totally be outed. Because the obsession is the only thing that can be outed, just to clarify. I had this idea after DEBS found its way into my possession, to keep people from finding out that I had it and I hollowed out an old encyclopedia in my room and you know, I figured that it wouldn't hurt to add to the collection. So I looked DEBS up on the internet and found related titles and did a little ordering. Shit, I should probably go, Taycen keeps trying to look over my shoulder.

--

_Spencer Carlin Private Entry: I think I might be gay. But how do I know? I had a dream last night about Ashley Davies, which is so weird. I mean she's Kyla's freaky little friend not mine. Why would I dream about her? I mean honestly, you would think that I would be dreaming about Taylor. She's actually in my circle of friends but no. I dreamt about Ashley Davies and her lips and her eyes. I dreamt about her hair down and around her face, the tips of those dark curls brushing against her smooth tan shoulders. I dreamt that I was kissing Ashley Davies, can you say gross? Cuz I can. My first dream about a girl is about a complete nerd who thinks that entertainment is drinking a bottle of vault as fast as she can and then burping the words to the Star Wars Cantina. Ugh my subconscious sucks. _

-----

"Spencer!" Taylor's voice nearly made me jump out of my skin as she bounded into my room with Patrick close at her heels. I slammed the lid of my laptop shut after clicking submit and tried not to look guilty. "Girl you will never guess what happened."

"Oh I doubt you could surprise me," I replied dryly. As usual Taylor's hair and makeup were immaculate. Sometimes, I just wished for once that she would let herself go a little. But then the world would explode. "But go ahead."

"It's about your sister," Patrick warned as he flopped down on the end of my bed. My bed was notorious for being the most comfortable place on the planet. Some people said that it was the down navy comforter that provided the ultimate softness and warmth, while others argued that it was the memory foam mattress topper. But I knew the secret was hidden within the sheets, hello it was me.

"What about my very own piece of Middle Earth?" I asked.

"People are saying that she and Ashley Davies, totally got drunk last weekend and had sex."

"Oh my god," I said nervously remembering my "insignificant" dream. "You do realize that people have been saying that every weekend since the day they met right?"

"Seriously Spence, I don't know how you deal with her. She's like the definition of the loser group in high school." Taylor said flipping her straight strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder. "Want to hear the real news?"

"Sure. I'm just dying to know." I winked at her and she grinned tossing a pillow at me.

"Wait wait, let me guess." Patrick said running his hands through his dark curly hair. "You finally had sex with a donkey and George W. Bush taped it."

"Shut up Captain Virgin. For your information, I have a date tonight. With a boy."

"Oh god Taylor, you don't work at In and Out burger. Just seriously decide already, your battle of the sexes drama gets so old." Patrick sneered obviously trying to impress me. 

"Patrick be nice. Which class are you failing this time?" I asked, we had known Taylor long enough to know how she operated. 

"Home Ec." She sighed. I couldn't contain my burst of laughter and nearly snorted.

"You're like the worst version of a girl ever. Your thundercat club card should so be revoked and replaced with a thunderclap card." Patrick said mussing her hair. "So Spencer, what's up with you and Ashley Davies?" 

"What?!" My head snapped up at the mention of her name. I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks and tried mentally to control my blush. "Nothing! Why?"

"You're a slut Spencer. A gay slut. Everyone knows it." Taylor whispered in my ear licking the tip of the lobe. Suddenly a loud noise popped in my ear.

"Earth to the student body president." Patrick was waving his hands in front of my eyes. I must have spaced out for a minute. Damn my habit of daydreaming. "Did you hear me? I said what's up with you and Aiden? Someone saw you two at Tiffany's."

"We were just looking for a bracelet for Dr. Doom," I said avoiding Taylor's probing blue eyes. "It was nothing."

"Patrick didn't you say you needed to pee?"

"No."

"Patrick go listen outside of Kyla's bedroom door and see if you can hear sex noises." Taylor said with a commanding tone to her voice. I would never tell it to her face but sometimes she reminded me of a Nazi or of Peggy Peabody.

"I don't- "

"If you value your package and future sperm count I suggest you give Spencer and I a minute to chat."

"Fine whatever, Spencer guard your carnal treasure." Patrick muttered as he hopped off the bed and let himself out.

"Are you engaged?" Taylor asked before the door was even shut.

"Yes, your dad and I were going to tell you, I just couldn't figure out the right time."

"Ohhhhh we've got a comedian in the house. Someone call Dane Cook and tell him to," Taylor stopped and put me in a headlock. "you tell me right now Spencer Carlin or I'll pop your head like a zit or like a tick or something you pop!!!"

"No I'm not engaged." I choked out. The girl was strong; she played volleyball and was in pretty good shape.

"Are you having sex? Are you pregnant?" Typical Taylor questions.

"Yes and NO!" I squealed trying to tickle her hips.

"Who are you having sex with?" 

"Your mom bitch!" I yelled escaping her grasp and pinning her arms behind her back. Patrick came barreling into the room with his best Tarzan yell, tickling her hips until tears streamed down her face. It was always like this for me with my best friends. They came first in my life and it was enough to help me forget about the stupid Ashley Davies dream. For now anyway.


	4. Daughter to Father

**Ch. 4: Confessions of A Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)**

January 24, 2008  
Time: 7:54 PM  
Mood: Sleepy  
User: adhasnovds

I was surfing the net today, completely bored as usual, and I stumbled upon tracks from Idina Menzel's new album. To say I was excited would be an understatement of the highest degree. I've had a thing for her, and by thing I of course mean a huge crush, for years; ever since I saw her perform live on Broadway in Wicked. Which if you haven't seen it yet, you need to go do so.

A few months before my dad died he flew the "family" out to New York City for "bonding time." He thought it'd be a good chance to get away from life for a while and spend time with us all. He had a really busy schedule; very important person in LA unfortunately. He and I hadn't seen eye to eye for months and were fighting constantly. Constantly being whenever I actually saw him.

It was just dad and I going to see Wicked, on opening night. Do you understand how unbelievably amazing that experience is? The fact it was that particular show made it that much better, but being in the audience on opening night of a Broadway performance; getting see the cast completely raw and fresh…it's astounding. I quote the ever philosophical Ferris Bueller, "If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up." Of course he was referring to a Ferrari…but that's beside the point. You know what I mean.

The Bitch Battalion (a.k.a. my stepmother and her offspring of hell) had no interest in seeing the show and made that quite clear before we even left LAX. The only thing they were interested in was spending ass loads of dad's money on Fifth Avenue. I know that's the only reason she married him…but we're not talking about that. We're talking about Idina.

Since he had so many connections he was able to get us amazing seats on the floor. Granted balcony seats would've given us a better view of the stage overall, but orchestra seating gave me a much better, and well appreciated, view of the only Elphaba for me: Idina 'I am the sexiest Broadway performer in the history of Broadway' Menzel. Yes I dubbed her that, what of it?

The show was mind blowing. The acting was phenomenal; perfectly cast. The sets were so cool looking. I especially liked Glinda's bubble, that thing was sweet. I can't lie; Kristin Chenoweth looked damn good in it. And that dress she wore? Shit… Did I mention that she was hot too? Because she is. In a big way. 

cough

Right, um, so where were we? Oh right, aspects of the show. The songs were beautifully crafted, and when 'Defying Gravity' came on Idina and Kristin blew everyone else out of the water. Their vocals were so perfect that night; I've never heard anyone live sound that good.

I was shocked during intermission when my dad told me that after the curtain call we were going backstage to meet the cast. Shocked I tell you. Never in my life had my father done anything so…nice/sweet/amazing. I think I gave him the biggest hug I'd ever given him that night. I guess it paid to have a dad with such tight connections.

After most of the theater cleared out we were escorted to the backstage area. I can still remember how fast my heart was beating. It was literally about to pound out of my chest and it had me a little freaked out. I mean, I didn't wanna die before I met Idina and Kristin. How lame would that have been right? I could feel my hands getting all sweaty too, so I started manically wiping my hands on my skirt and waving them around in the air.

I also have this nervous habit of playing with my glasses when I'm really nervous, so in between wiping and waving I was also wiggling the thicker, artsy type frames that I had on. It was so sad man, like honestly I'd never been as nervous as I was that night in my whole life.

When we walked through the door to the dressing rooms we were assaulted with a loud blast of voices. Congratulations were being shared with cast and crew alike for a show well done. Dad got some pictures of us with the Wizard and Madame Morrible, who happened to be standing in the common/hair and makeup area, quick and then we were moved back further to the single dressing rooms. With knocks on two of the doors, out stepped the two most gorgeous women in that backstage area. Well, the two most gorgeous women not including me of course. ;-)

They were still in costume and looked even better in person than they did on stage. Who knew someone could make green face paint look that damn good? That Taye Diggs was one lucky son of a bitch…

Anyway to make a long story short, we got to hang out with the cast for a little while and take a few pictures. It was so awesome getting to spend time with them. They were all so down to earth and real, unlike the majority of LA. It was such a refreshing experience.

They were nice enough to sign a script and my playbill before we left. I have both sealed air tight and locked away in a safe but I won't lie, I often find myself staring at them both for hours, just reliving that night over and over; going through every single detail in my head.

That was the last time I ever said anything remotely nice to my father. That was the last night we shared peacefully together. I'm pretty sure that was the last night I told him I loved him…and meant it.

---

I yawned and stretched my back, pleased when I heard it pop a few times. I was exhausted lately. It was like this last year too; I loaded up my second semester schedule with AP classes so I could get most of the Gen. Eds out of the way, so it made school pretty intense and completely drained me.

There was a knock on my door and I knew who it was.

"Come in Ky."

She walked in timidly, as if she'd never been inside my room before. It was an endearing quality, but after so many years you'd think she'd out grow it. She took a seat on the other side of me and got out her books. We were in the same classes; we made sure of that during scheduling. Neither of us was stupid in school, by any means. We just decided it'd be better to stick together, just in case.

"Again?" she asked when she saw what was on my screen. "You're going to turn into one of those obsessive computer nerds that blogs about anything and everything aren't you?"

I stared at her in slight disbelief and altered my voice, "Uh check me if I'm wrong Sandy, but aren't you one of those obsessive computer nerds that blogs about anything and everything?"

She laughed lightly, "You've seen Caddyshack one too many times, Ash."

There's another thing I adore about her, she gets my quotes. Best best friend ever; without a doubt.

"And I don't blog about anything, thank you very little. I'll have you know that my Mulder Appreciation site has debates about his inner workings and thoughts throughout the course of the show, and they are very intelligent!"

I shook my head and smiled at her, "Let's just do our work shall we? Or I could always call the Idiot Brigade over so we could drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and ya know, just soak up each other's awesomeness."

Her eyes widened in shock, "Don't you dare bring those disappointments to the human race over here Ashley Davies. There will be hell to pay. That might even call for some Avada Kedavra action."

She pulled out her wand and pointed it right between my eyes. She always had that thing with her, it was cute. And a little scary; I was worried she was going to put someone's eye out. It did provide a chance to have a little fun with her though.

"Easy Ky, you know what all that magic talk does to me," I said while looking at her seductively. "You also know you remind me of Hermione…and can I just say again all the things I would do to-"

That's all it took to get her laughing so hard she snorted. She put down the wand and grabbed her math book instead, ready to take on the exciting world of equations with more letters than numbers.

"You're almost too gay to function."

"Thanks Janice. Say crack again," I smirked.

"CRACK!"

No matter how big of a nerd, she was still the coolest person I knew. I clicked submit on my post and ignored the email alert that just popped up. Such trivial things could always wait til later; Kyla was always number one priority.


	5. The First Day of My Life

**A/N: We just wanted to let you guys know that there's no Ashley/Kyla romance in this story. Ashley had a thing for Kyla at the beginning of their friendship (years ago), but today there are nothing but friendly feelings between them.  
------**

**  
Chapter 5: The First Day of My Life**

From: TrojansNotNeeded  
To: adhasnovds  
Subject: Application for friend

**Name:** I know this sounds ridiculous but I can't tell you my real name. I'm a superhero and I must preserve my secret identity. But if you want to call me something, you can call me Bradshaw.

**Age:** Eighteen years old and fully legal to vote. You can expect me to get my ass out there and make sure that those homicidal closet cases called Republicans don't get back in office.

**Appearance:** Well, I'm blonde but don't let that fool you. I have my moments like everyone else but I'm pretty smart and I'm class president. I have blue eyes but they aren't the amazing Caribbean blue that you see. They're more of a gray raincloud before a thunderstorm blue.

**Height:** About 5'7'' I'm pretty average in the height department. Though I have no idea why height would matter in a friendship.

**Weight:** Okay I know that doesn't matter. And who would actually admit their weight?!

**Favorite Movie:** This is vaguely reminiscent of my profile survey? But I'd have to say that my favorite movie of all time is Jaws. But DEBS is a close second.

**Favorite Food:** Well, I really like Indian Tacos. I guess the PC term for it would be Native American Tacos? They're so amazing. These things are made on fried bread, like the kind they use for funnel cakes and they have seasoned beef and all of the toppings on them. It looks almost like a little taco cake but I can never say no.

**Worst Habit:** Oh this is really embarrassing but it's probably okay to tell you since the odds that we'll ever see each other face to face are slim. I have this old blanket from my baby days and when I'm alone in my room trying to fall asleep I take the binding in between my fingers and press down on it until it makes a crunching noise. I've always done it and I've never really been able to break it.

**If you were an animal:** I would be a bird. Maybe a hawk of some kind, but I would totally be a vegetarian hawk. The thought of ripping the head off of an innocent little mouse is just a little upsetting. But I would love to fly away from here sometimes.

**What would we do on a Friday night:** Well, this is all about me changing myself for the better. Usually on Friday nights, I'm with my boyfriend and our friends at some party that we convinced a freshman loser to throw. But reading your profile, I feel like you and I could just completely lay around in my room and watch Mean Girls, while talking about how hot Janice is in that super weird way. I don't know, I just feel like I could be relaxed around you and I don't relax around anyone. Maybe that's wrong to say about someone I've never met.

**It's my birthday what do we do:** Well first off, if you are my age, we're going out to breakfast at Midnight. It's a tradition that I will never abandon, and I do it for all of my friends. Sometimes it's the only one on one time I get with them. And then the entire day would be about you, depending on whether or not you're a party person I would throw you one or not. It just depends on who you are really but midnight breakfast at the Pancake House on I-40 isn't negotiable.

**Why should I be your friend:** Honestly? It isn't because I deserve it, in fact I've done some pretty fucked up things to people in the past and I don't deserve anyone's decency, but that doesn't change the fact that I do need someone. Someone that has more experience to just listen and help me figure out this mess I'm in. I mean its killing me inside and I can be a pretty good listener too. I just think we would make great friends, I think maybe you could help me be a better person.

Hey there, I know the survey thing was a little weird but I wasn't sure how to just stand out from the average friendship seeking web crawler. But I did this search for people in my area of Los Angeles and your profile came up and I couldn't help but notice that you seem really funny and genuine. You also seem to care for your friends and I like that. I need more of that in my life, sometimes I wonder if my friends just stick around because we're afraid that without each other we won't be as popular or what. But anyway, enough of my tangents. I thought I would write you and say hi, see if you would email me back.

Anxiously awaiting your reply to know that you don't think I'm crazy,  
Bradshaw.


	6. No Strings Attached

**Chapter 6: No Strings Attached**

I checked my email the next morning. The night didn't go exactly as planned…as we knew it wouldn't. Obviously we did our homework; it just took longer than it should have. It wasn't hard, actually quite easy and quite enjoyable. But that might just be my [not so inner nerd talking. No, the reason it took so long was because Kyla was regaling me with her tales from the dark side. That's what we call her home experiences when Spencer and her insipid cult of "friends" are there.

Though they'd been together since like…what? Sixth grade? I don't even know, nor do I care, but whatever. They'd all been together for a while, and it was still painfully obvious to us that they weren't really friends. Just three, or four depending if you counted Spencer's boyfriend, whom I still swear is gay regardless of what everyone else thinks. Screw everyone else damn it, I'm always right. That kid, total Cake Boy. As Murray would say…

Anyway, they were just three or four people the universe just happened to throw together in a random almost food fight. I say almost because, duh, a single carrot, though sometimes a precursor to food fights of epic proportions, doesn't count as a certifiable one. Sometimes I wish they'd never met, mainly because of Kyla. It wasn't fair that she had to deal with that crap day in and day out. She was nothing but nice to her sister and what did she get for it? Jack. Shit.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not deluded or naïve enough to think that life is always fair to those that truly deserve it; trust me, I'm well aware that it's not. But there's nothing that gets to me more than when the insecure and yet unbelievably arrogant snobs pick on the innocent that would never as much as look at them. People they don't even acknowledge three quarters of the time and then when they do it's either to copy their homework or tests or to make their lives hell. Spencer and the rest of the Idiot Brigade were no different.

Technically Spencer had brains, I mean she was student body president or whatever, but she still had that ditzy, air headed way about her. Her "best girl friend" was to blame for that. Stupid slut.

I opened up the email, completely intrigued just from the user name. It was a clever play on words so I figured I'd give it a whirl.

After I finished I got Kyla on the phone, I needed her to help me weigh the pros and cons. Normally I could do it myself, but this time it was different. She was different. I could feel it.

A few rings later I had her on and began discussing the matter at hand. This mysterious…Bradshaw. Clearly she had a thing for DEBS and I had to give her points for that. It was a classic. And Jordanna is super hot. And Janet, oh man…

Oh uh, anyway.

Yes, so after twenty minutes it was decided that it was best I reply. I clicked the button and stared at the blank document for a short time, trying to find the best way to begin. After five minutes of staring it hit me.

---

From: adhasnovds  
To: TrojansNotNeeded  
Subject: RE: Application for friend

Well good morning Bradshaw comma Amy. I would've replied sooner, but I was a bit preoccupied last night; my sincerest apologies.

No worries, I didn't think you were crazy at all…ok that's a lie. But it's alright, we're all crazy. It's no big deal. I found it cute, though I always tend to have a thing for the crazies…

Anyway, that's not relevant here. You are looking for a friend and I think we need to do a bit of evaluating before I can totally commit to such a thing. I mean, I have very high standards for possible friends. I do hope you're prepared for such a test. Are you up to the challenge Bradshaw comma Amy? Will you once again be the Perfect Whore…er I mean score.

Firstly, you're a blonde with blue eyes. I used to love that quality in girls, but my last girlfriend definitely messed me up and my best friend's sister is a major bitch. However, you don't seem like either of them so I think we can work with this.

Secondly, height and weight are key ingredients to friendships. Geez, how were you not aware of the two inch-ten pound rule? You can't be friends with someone who is two inches taller, and either ten pounds heavier or ten pounds lighter than you. Obviously you don't want to look like the whale in the friendship, and you don't want to be seen with Shamu either.

And I'm completely kidding by the way. I'm not that shallow, and if I ever was I've arranged it so I'm shot and killed on the spot. So to be perfectly clear, height and weight mean nothing. We good?

Thirdly, your choice in movies seems to be alright. Obviously we all need a bit of improvement on that according to others, but hey it's life. It's going to happen. I'd be more than happy to expand your list of viewed movies by astronomical proportions.

You said you think I can help you be a better person. I don't know what you're expecting out of me, but I just don't want you to be disappointed if I don't meet your expectations. I'm not going to present myself as someone or something I'm not. I'm not exactly the next Mother Theresa when it comes to stuff, but I do try to be a good person. That's all it really takes though, ya know? Just a little effort and the will and want to change.

Overall what I'm saying is that I do believe we can give this a trial period. As Mary Poppins said to George Banks, "I'll give you a week, I'll know by then."

Since you seem to want privacy to be key here, perhaps I should have an alias or pseudonym of sorts. So you can call me…Janet instead. I would've gone with Lucy, but that would make me a Badass Master Criminal and also the love of your life.

Hope to hear from you soon. Over.

-

Janet


	7. Stalkeratzi

New update, yaaay! It's strictly an IM convo. Hope you like it...

---

**Chapter 7: Stalkeratzi**

TrojansNotNeeded: I'm not a stalker I swear.

adhasnovds: sure you're not bradshaw, sure you're not

TrojansNotNeeded: I just got your email and I figured you were still online. I guessed at your screename.

adhasnovds: guessed huh? hmm...

TrojansNotNeeded: So... how is your affair with scud coming along?

adhasnovds: ahh scud and i are no more. he was too heartbroken after lucy took off. it was too much for him to take.

TrojansNotNeeded: i'm sorry to hear that. but then again, he wasn't really your type was he Janet? you gay slut you.

adhasnovds: you caught me amy. i was just projecting my insecurities about being so promiscuous and homosexual that i had to project them on to you. i am so very sorry.

TrojansNotNeeded: so anyway... i guess we have to determine who the whale here is.

adhasnovds: nah

adhasnovds: i told you

adhasnovds: that doesnt mean anything here

TrojansNotNeeded: i know, i was just being an idiot trying to say something in order to avoid the awkward IM pause. I hear those are even worse than the actual awkward silences that you can "hear"

adhasnovds: oh but my dear, there are never awkward IM pauses

adhasnovds: however, there are awkWARD ones. there's a difference. trust me.

TrojansNotNeeded: oh my, those sound serious

adhasnovds: very serious

adhasnovds: like, we're talking global warming seriousness

adhasnovds: al gore would be frightened

TrojansNotNeeded: my god. the creator of the internet would be wrought with irrational fear? what will we do?

adhasnovds: there's only one thing to do...

adhasnovds: what that is i really have no idea, but that's ok. because there's nothing to fear! like i said, no awkward pauses. not even awkWARD pauses.

TrojansNotNeeded: well then, i dare you to keep the conversation moving oh fearless leader.

TrojansNotNeeded: ask me anything.

adhasnovds: are you really straight?

TrojansNotNeeded: oh wow. i think just choked on my sour punch straw

TrojansNotNeeded: i

adhasnovds: sorry, do you need me to do the heimlich? ;-)

TrojansNotNeeded: no no, I'm fine now. Wow. How do I answer that question...

adhasnovds: you don't have to, i was just messin with ya

TrojansNotNeeded: I mean, I'm pretty sure I am.

adhasnovds: pretty sure huh? like 60 sure? 85? or so sure you're practically deodorant?

TrojansNotNeeded: well. I mean, I've never like wanted to do anything sexual with girls.. that counts for something right?

adhasnovds: sure sure

adhasnovds: but have you ever had an erotic type dream about one/some?

TrojansNotNeeded: define erotic

adhasnovds: gropage, shedding of clothes, heavy breathing, kissing. lots and lots of hot and heavy kissing

TrojansNotNeeded: . .

adhasnovds: i'll take that as a yes

adhasnovds: makes note in book

TrojansNotNeeded: well. i mean. it wasn't like that. it was only.. one dream.

TrojansNotNeeded: and it was about my sister's creepy friend!

adhasnovds: even better

TrojansNotNeeded: what?! no! I mean she isn't even that attractive. well that's not true, she could be cute. actually I've never really gotten a good look

adhasnovds: except in your dream

adhasnovds: that you remember quite vividly if i'm not mistaken

TrojansNotNeeded: she had the prettiest eyes

TrojansNotNeeded: but that is so not the point

adhasnovds: i think it is

adhasnovds: it's the jumping off point of getting you out of that closet

adhasnovds: cmon amy! come out of that closet

TrojansNotNeeded: i have a boyfriend.

TrojansNotNeeded: and i may or may not love him but i have him!

adhasnovds: checks off another box uh huh, and did one or both parents have anything to do with why you started dating said boy

TrojansNotNeeded: what?!

TrojansNotNeeded: you already read my entries you know my mother likes him but no she didn't set us up and my dad would never even dream of intruding on me like that. my real dad. i mean.

adhasnovds: i didn't mean did they set you up. i mean did their way of thinking, their attitudes towards...certain things affect your decision at all

TrojansNotNeeded: it's easy to be with him

adhasnovds: it's also easy to say your abc's. doesn't mean you should do it all the time. nice way to avoid the question btw

TrojansNotNeeded: my mother influences everything i do. more like controls.

adhasnovds: why do you let her? you're a big girl, completely capable of making your own decisions. it's your life, you have to live it. she doesn't. she has her own, which she obviously doesn't want to deal with since she seems completely content with living vicariously through you. which is also a little creepy too if you think about it.

TrojansNotNeeded: so.. you know regina george?

adhasnovds: unfortunately

TrojansNotNeeded: tell me about her

adhasnovds: she's a bitch. little miss bossy booty. not quite sure if she has an apple butt though. i'm pretty sure my retinas would burn if i looked at that girl too long, and not because i'm attracted to her. far from it. she's everything i despise about high school and life in general. the epitome of evil would reside in her gretchen, but damn she's got a wicked streak in her that just won't die.

TrojansNotNeeded: wow. she sounds like someone needs to throw a bucket of water on her to see if she melts.

TrojansNotNeeded: i mean it would be much better suited for her than elphie.

adhasnovds: oh i've tried, many times before. it never worked.

TrojansNotNeeded: damn.

TrojansNotNeeded: kyrptonite?

adhasnovds: nah, clark kent and i aren't speaking currently i'm afraid.

TrojansNotNeeded: thats too bad, the clark kent on the CW formerly known as the WB is pretty sexy

adhasnovds: meh, he's cute. but i gotta say, lana is definitely better looking.

adhasnovds: plus she's not equipped with the nasty bits ol' clarky boy is

TrojansNotNeeded: they aren't so bad if you close your eyes

adhasnovds: these aren't meatless balls on top of pasta we're talking about.

adhasnovds: honestly, how do you stand them? they're just...oh god

TrojansNotNeeded: i'll answer in a sec.. ill brb. i have to change taycen's bucket.

adhasnovds: i just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

TrojansNotNeeded: yeah so did she, what a coincidence

adhasnovds: you're hot

TrojansNotNeeded: what?!

adhasnovds: i said it's hot

TrojansNotNeeded: no you didn't!

adhasnovds: yes i did

adhasnovds: see, the heat is getting to you and affecting your brain

TrojansNotNeeded: obviously. sorry about that, sometimes i think i should just get a dog or something. my best friend is so much work.

adhasnovds: why are you friends with her

TrojansNotNeeded: because she needs someone

adhasnovds: but you don't even seem to like her that much. why waste your time?

TrojansNotNeeded: i do like her, i do. i like her when she's sober and when she is actually being human. It's pretty few and far between these days but when it happens, i know why i stick around.

adhasnovds: hmm...do you like her like her

TrojansNotNeeded: haha no. that is a definite no.

adhasnovds: interesting... makes note on sheet

TrojansNotNeeded: she's more like a sister to me than anything else. moreso than my actual sister, but that is probably my fault.

adhasnovds: why do you say that?

TrojansNotNeeded: I don't know. I always tell myself that I should spend time with her but I feel like she's always analyzing me, like she can see right through me

adhasnovds: is that a bad thing? maybe if you actually tried talking to her you wouldn't be so...i don't know, lost? and have to seek out total hotties, like myself, on the internet to talk to.

TrojansNotNeeded: oh so you're a hottie...

adhasnovds: i am indeed

TrojansNotNeeded: would you say you're more of a Lucy type hottie or like a Dana type hottie

adhasnovds: a mix of both

TrojansNotNeeded: interesting.

TrojansNotNeeded: makes note

adhasnovds: stop making notes about me

TrojansNotNeeded: sounds like regina isn't the only bossy booty

adhasnovds: i'm not the one with the mega huge problems here

TrojansNotNeeded: i don't have a mega huge problem

adhasnovds: from what your email said, you do

TrojansNotNeeded: ugh i cant believe i even though talking to you would help. you're like totally trying to force me to be gay.

adhasnovds: um. ok psycho? no i'm not.

TrojansNotNeeded: look i don't have a mega huge problem okay?!

TrojansNotNeeded: i just wanted to know if what i was feeling is normal. i mean everyone has feelings dont they?

TrojansNotNeeded: it doesnt mean im gay

adhasnovds: what are you feeling

TrojansNotNeeded: that i kind of want to flirt with you.

adhasnovds: and you haven't been doing that the entire time?

TrojansNotNeeded: oh my god.

TrojansNotNeeded: i totally have.

TrojansNotNeeded: i am the perfect whore!

adhasnovds: i think you owe me an apology

TrojansNotNeeded: and how would you like your apology?

adhasnovds: well i can think of a few things...

TrojansNotNeeded: like...

adhasnovds: use your imagination

TrojansNotNeeded: i suppose it wouldn't be fair of me to ask you for a picture would it? since I can't send one.

adhasnovds: oh you could send one, you're just too scared to

TrojansNotNeeded: it's just that i keep picturing you as my sister's friend for some reason. probably because she was in my dream and i guess my subconcious is trying to tell me that i'm secretly into her.

adhasnovds: that's what the psychologist in me is saying, yes

TrojansNotNeeded: but I'm not! i don't even really know her.

TrojansNotNeeded: and i think she hates me

adhasnovds: doesn't mean you can't have a fantasy about her

TrojansNotNeeded: oh shit. i have to go, it looks like taycen is waking up.

TrojansNotNeeded: will i talk to you later?

adhasnovds: do you want to talk to me later bradshaw?

TrojansNotNeeded: i'm breaking like eight federal statutes right now.

adhasnovds: so what? haven't you ever done anything you weren't supposed to?

TrojansNotNeeded: not really no. that's the truth by the way. i always do what im supposed to.

adhasnovds: rolls eyes i've got my work cut out for me i see...

TrojansNotNeeded: so i guess the next time you're online i should just...IM you?

adhasnovds: sure. and if you're lucky enough i'll answer

TrojansNotNeeded: Just promise me you'll be open

adhasnovds: open to what exactly?

TrojansNotNeeded: Open to love

adhasnovds: i AM open to love! i am...

TrojansNotNeeded: we'll see about that Janet.

adhasnovds: we'll get you out of that closet sooner rather than later amy.

TrojansNotNeeded has signed out.


	8. War What Is It Good For?

**Chapter 8: War (What Is It Good For?)**

January 27, 2008  
Time: 6:56 PM  
Mood: Pissed  
Username: adhasnovds

Ashley Davies' Private Blog:

I am absolutely livid. LIVID. Like, I'm ready to just find a bat and beat some people's heads in. Seriously, they're still lucky they're breathing. And just in case someone was to somehow hack into this, I'll continue using the codenames I've dispersed.

So K and I are walking down the hall today during passing time; a normal ritual for us since our lockers are right next to each other, and we have all of our classes together. We stop at the soda machine for some much needed caffeine after that killer fourth period pop quiz; which in AP talk is equal to a standard class's test. I'd just pushed the button for my drink when we heard the loudspeaker chime.

Normally the announcements were saved for the end of the day, so everyone in the hall was a bit curious. When that voice came over the speaker I knew nothing good would come of it…

Regina and Gretchen had somehow gotten a hold of K's diary and made copies of the pages to read aloud. How they managed to get to the PA system in the first place is some sort of miracle, and how they managed to read all of what they did and get out before they were caught is something of divine intervention. If I actually tolerated them enough to have a conversation with them I would've gone all East Compton Clovers on them: "You've been touched by an angel girl." But then I wouldn't walk away, I'd beat the shit out of them.

K ended up in tears and bolted for the bathroom instantly. I, of course, ran after her not even a second after she initially took off. Thankfully there wasn't anyone in there besides us. It took about ten minutes just to coax her out of the stall. It took another fifteen to calm her down enough to get her out to my car. We didn't talk on the drive back to her house. It was the chosen destination since my lazy ass of a step mother didn't have a job and was, more times than not, home.

We stopped in the kitchen for some snacks since it was almost time for lunch anyway. It was an unspoken decision that we wouldn't be returning to school, so K set up her computer to alter our voices to sound like our parents and called the school. Told you she was a genius.

It was silent for a while; I knew that if and when she wanted to talk about what happened she would. And I'd be there to assure her that everything would be just fine. Because it would be, I'd make sure of it. No one pulls that kind of crap on her and gets away with it; not even the queen fucking bee herself. Not this time. I just didn't know how I'd go about getting even.

As if knowing what was going through my head, K told me to just let it go. I argued with her about it, telling her that there was no reason for them to pull shit like this. She tried to calm me down, but I just ended up getting more upset about it. She was defending the same people that had just publicly humiliated her and it was quite nauseating. I was out for blood and she was acting like she didn't give a damn. Like they could just do that to her and it was perfectly fine.

She let me have my hissy fit, knowing well enough that I would eventually talk myself down from total annihilation of the Mean Girls. They'd get theirs; karma was a bitch like that.

After an afternoon of watching bad TV and pigging out I decided to take K out that night, and then have her stay at my house. We had to move fast in order to avoid Regina, so I had her run downstairs and leave a note while I packed some clothes and her toiletries.

It was a narrow escape. We heard the obnoxious bass pulsating from Regina's car stereo two blocks away and quickened our pace. We'd just pulled around the corner as they pulled to a stop in the driveway.

To our surprise, the Bitch Battalion wasn't home when we arrived. Major plus for us, we were able to get ready for our night in peace. Speaking of which, she's calling me from the bathroom for help, so I have to go.

Hopefully we meet some people to, uh, _dance_ with.


	9. So Maybe I Could Make You Want Me

Coley says: Please don't hate Spencer too much. 

----------------------

**Chapter 9: So Maybe I Could Make You Want Me**

January 27, 2008  
User: TrojansNotNeeded  
Time: 10:00 PM  
Mood: Torn

I did something today that I'm ashamed of. Looking back, I probably should have listened to my little inner angel but alas, I decided to be an asshole and take my devil out to play. I can't really go into it because no one knows who did it. I have to say though, it was me. And if I could, I would take it back.

_PRIVATE ENTRY: I would have never gone through with it if Taylor hadn't been so upset. She came to me this morning sobbing uncontrollably and could barely get words out between the deep ragged breaths. When she finally calmed down, Taylor told me in rushed words laced with hiccups about what my step sister had done. I don't know if I've mentioned that Kyla is a whiz with computers but she is. She's amazing really; hopefully she will go to a school and learn how to terrorize nations all over the world. But as Taylor shook in my arms and told me about the pictures that my sister had managed to paste all over the school's website, I began to see red. As always, Taylor had a plan and stole away for a moment to fix her makeup._

We made our way to school in my car with the windows down, it was a beautiful day and the Santa Anna winds felt nice on my flushed cheeks. Taylor clutched a small leather bound journal in her lap with white tipped fingers and her lips were drawn. I reached over, patting her on the hand for reassurance. The gesture managed to squeeze a tiny smile out of my best friend and I pulled into my parking spot. Sliding my glasses down my nose I winked at her, and we climbed out of the car, removing our matching Chanel sunglasses. Aiden slid up to me the moment I was through the door, planting a kiss on my forehead causing me to roll my eyes. Patrick met us in front of my locker and Taylor and I strategized while he and Aiden threw pennies at freshmen. Right before lunch, I excused myself from the library and met Taylor who was already removing the screen in front of the air vent in the girl's washroom.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked glancing up at the steel emission shaft. "We aren't going to get stuck right?"

"No, I used this one to get into the office when I was having a thing with Coach Wallum." I groaned inwardly, Taylor was such a slut. The shaft wasn't too bad, unless you count the constant stress of worrying that Taylor would bite my ass as she followed behind me. We managed to make it to the office in about ten minutes.

"Okay so all of the secretaries have off right now for lunch and the principals are doing observances this week. We're free and clear for at least three minutes. You ready to do this Spencer?" She asked with a glint in her eye.

"Anything to avenge my girl." And with that, I dropped from the shaft onto a vacant desk in the conference room. "I so do not want to know how much of you this desk has seen."

"Shut up Virgin Mary," Taylor said pinching the back of my arm. She did a roll out into the hallway, which made me laugh as I strolled out behind her. I could almost hear the cheesy background music as we slid with our backs pressed against each wall, cautiously peering around corners with apprehensive eyes. I watched wide eyed as Taylor crawled out into the main office on her belly and snatched the Portable PA system on the head secretary's desk.

"Let's do it," she said wagging it in my face and pulling the leather journal out of the back of her pants. We locked ourselves back into the conference room and prepared for our final stand.

"If we don't make it, I just want you to know…I'm in love with Ellen Page." I said through broken laughter. Taylor scoffed at me and flipped through the pages of the diary and nodded to me. Picking up the PA system with my trembling fingers, I pressed the on button. "Good afternoon King High, I'm sorry to interrupt your day but I have a special news bulletin. Many of you do not know Kyla Montaneo but for those of you who do, here's a special treat."

I felt sick to my stomach as I handed the mic to Taylor who gripped it with sweaty hands. "Dear Journal, last night after I watched X-files I felt that familiar burn in my stomach. I don't understand why it only happens when I look at Mulder, well it happens when I look at Cal too but anyway. I peaked out into the hallway to see if anyone was looking and as usual, it was quiet. I slunk back into my room turning the light off and locking the door. I barely made it back to my bed before I started touching myself. I know that I shouldn't but it felt so good and Mulder just does things to me…" The rest is history. We escaped and in return, probably ruined my step sister's high school career with what we read that day. And to say that I'm sorry is a severe understatement. But I understand that sorry, it won't ever be good enough. 

In other news, I have been successfully flirting with the girl in the red shirt, with minimal feelings of guilt. The first time I did it, I nearly threw up in my mouth from the panic of what I'd just said. But thankfully, it's gotten easier. Though, if I am gay, I'm not sure that she's my type. She's a little too gangsta.

I can't help but worry that maybe my sister's friend is my type. That somehow, in my eighteen years of life, I developed a freak fetish. That those glasses make me just want to… are blogs allowed to be PG-13? It's hard to look at her now! Every time she's walked past me these past few days, all I can do is freeze and stare. She smells so good for a total freak. And I know she doesn't wear perfume, so it's her own unique scent. Freak pheromones or something, she's got me tied up in knots. But enough about her, before I suffocate from stupidity.

Let's talk about Addison for a moment. This entry will be short because I'm waiting for Taycen to come pick me up, but I had an interesting experience with Addison today. We were standing in the hall, when all of the sudden, he just attacks me. He didn't beat me or anything, it was worse. All of the sudden it was like a PDA monster possessed his body because before I knew it; he had me pinned up a locker kissing me like he'd lost a jolly rancher in my throat. Pushing him off of me was all but a miracle and when I asked him why he did it, he just said, "Cuz I wanted to show you how much I care about you." 

Seriously?! You want to show me how much you care, go get me a Playboy to explore! God, I would much rather investigate the mystery of my sexuality than have your tongue survey my mouth. Ugh, anyway I just looked at him with my really serious "I fucking hate you right now." stare. Honestly, sometimes he makes me want to go all Thelma and Louise on the nearest cliff.

Anyway, Taycen is here so I better go. My sister never came home; I guess she's with her strange abnormally sweet smelling friend. I'll update you on our festivities later when I get back, Tay is convinced that going to a gay bar tonight will get her some ass and apparently I got the short straw when it came to being her wingwoman. Dammit, I wanted to watch One Tree Hill.


	10. In The Club

It's a bitty one, but an update nonetheless. Dunno when the next one will be. Thanks for the reviews!

---------------------------

**Chapter 10: In The Club**

January 28, 2008  
Time: 9:00 PM  
Mood: Exhausted  
Username: adhasnovds

So tired. No, you know what? Tired doesn't even begin to describe it. I'm about ready to drop onto my bed and not wake up until next week. That'll teach me to take K out on a school night. Meh, it was worth it. She needed it, and I was happy to help.

We were good, only had a few drinks. The rest of the time was water or soda, and we did plenty of dancing. Clearly we'd picked a good night to go, the club was packed and the music was blaring. K and I were looking hot, but that's just a given. I mean come on, it's me for one, but most people wouldn't comment on K. She's not ugly, by any means. She's actually one of the most beautiful girls in our school, but she gets overlooked for the cheerleaders, the step team, the soccer team…the list could go on and on. She gets overlooked and people miss out on so much.

She's got all of them beat by a mile. She doesn't get all dolled up for school like she does for the nights at the club. I totally get why; there's no reason to for people that wouldn't appreciate it anyway. If they can't when it's a regular day, why would they or should they get the opportunity to get to see her looking like she was meant to walk the red carpet?

I sound like I'm in love with her right? Trust me, I'm not. She's my best friend, deep rooted in my heart. It's only natural for me to speak so highly of her and be so over protective of her when need be; and even when not. She's the only one that's really ever been there for me. She's pretty much my life.

We hit the floor and all eyes were on us. We weren't even really dancing together, just next to each other. Guys and girls alike were immediately drawn to us and flocked. We literally had our choice of anyone in that room and it felt good. It always does, but we don't let anyone know that.

K ended up dancing with a few guys and I just slowly took myself off the floor, keeping an eye on her of course. I headed over to the bar and got another bottle of water when a certain lady caught my eye. She was cute, not usually what I'd go for or who would normally grab my attention. I figured it was worth checking out so I smiled lightly at her and went back to watching K; sure the girl would make her way over.

As predicted she was there in a minute or so, and we casually started talking. It was just a bit of friendly flirting and small chit chat. Like I said, she was cute; shoulder length brown hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a few inches taller than me. She knew how to hold a conversation of intelligent proportions, which was a major plus.

We ended up talking til about one in the morning, when K came to retrieve me. We were out later than originally intended, but that's what happens when you're having a good time right? I was pulled out of my seat by an impatient K (she knew we couldn't miss school the next day) and I said goodbye to the girl. She asked me if I'd be around there again, I told her I just might. Of course I added my patented little "I know you want me" smirk; it always keeps them coming back for more. And I definitely want to see more of her.

Not in that way pervs.

I feel kinda bad though…I didn't catch her name.

Oh well, guess there's always this weekend…


	11. Nothing But The Best

Rating: R!! I'm serious. In no way do I advocate or encourage underage drinking. Or clubbing on a school night.

A/N: This one is in Narrative form by Spencer no entries for her today!!

----------------------

**Chapter 11: Don't Stress, Girl You Deserve the Nothing but the Best**

"SPENCER!!!! Are you ready yet?" Taylor whined from outside of the bathroom door. I looked in the mirror brushing a few pieces of straight blonde hair away from my perfectly lined lips. Flawlessness was always key for me when I went out with Taylor, because god knows that she would bitch me out if my makeup wasn't perfect.

"Bitch. Please. I've been ready." I answered opening the door and giving her a nice pout. Taylor didn't try to hide the fact that her eyes were roaming my body as I stepped out into plain view.

"Okay you pass. You don't look cuter than me," Taylor said with a wink grabbing my hand and dragging me out into the living room. My skirt was pretty short, even for me but it was club night and that was my only excuse. Patrick was in the kitchen making a sandwich and his eyes bugged out of his head when he saw me.

"Woah."

"I know I look hot right?" Taylor said grinning at him, winking at me. I rolled my eyes giving my best friend's hand a squeeze before I let go.

"Does Aiden know you're going out like that?" Patrick asked skeptically, the tips of his ears burning red. He struggled to keep his eyes on mine but occasionally his gaze dropped down to my bare legs. I stayed in fairly good shape, dancing on the step team and my legs were tan and toned. So I couldn't really blame him for staring.

"Aiden's my mother now?" I asked folding my arms across my chest.

"No. Spencer you look," he paused searching for the word. "So much hotter than Tay."

"Oh please, it doesn't get any better than this baby. Spencer is only a less hot version of me. Let me have half of your sandwich please Patricia."

"We need to go Taylor." I said checking my watch. It was 11:30 already and if we didn't leave soon we would have to wait to get inside. She had started tickling Patrick, who had a laugh like a Tickle-Me-Elmo, in order to get his sandwich but he was holding it above her head. If I didn't know any better and if Taylor wasn't so gay, they would make a great couple. She squealed as a tomato dropped on her head and ricocheted onto the floor. "Taylor focus! If we go now, I'll dance with you for a while and make you look good."

She didn't needmuch convincing, and stuck her tongue out at Patrick who grinned at her through a mouthful of provolone and turkey. I managed to drag her out the door and into the car. According to Cher's dad, it only takes twenty minutes to get anywhere in LA. He's wrong. It took us about forty minutes to melt through the traffic on the freeway and we arrived a little past midnight. I could hear the music thumping and I couldn't help but feel butterflies in my stomach. Dancing was always fun for me, even on school nights like tonight. Of course, Taylor and I would probably skip first and second tomorrow in order to recover. The whistles started as soon as I hopped out of my Mustang and strolled up arm in arm with Taylor. H2O was one of the most popular gay clubs in LA and the line was wrapped around the building. I silently prayed that we knew the bouncer and was relieved to see that it was Aaron, Aiden's older brother.

"Hey Aaron!" I called out waving. The tall dark haired boy looked at me and smiled warmly. "Are we on the list tonight?"

"Baby-girl, when I'm working the door you're always on the list!" Did I mention that Aiden's brother was totally gay? I know, my life is like one big rainbow. He graduated two years and he was the one reason the step team even gave me a chance. Aiden said that he's been pretty lucky finding work as a dancer in LA and he makes great money working H2O at night. "Come on in. It's getting hot in there already!"

"Thanks babe!" Taylor said kissing him on both cheeks and pulling me into the dimly lit warehouse behind her. The lighting was made up of fluorescent pink, blue and green spotlights that spun around the smoky room. Occasionally the strobe would go off, making everyone look like they were moving in slow motion. Strobe lights in clubs always make me nervous; I always think that it's going to end up like Blade, where the blood sprays down on everyone.

The warehouse was made up of two rooms. There was a main room that had two levels, the upper level provided a few poles for people to dance on and a bar, and stairs led down to the second level which was used solely as a dance floor. It was packed already, the bodies moving together on the floor. I couldn't wait to get down there.

Occasionally, Taylor and I could manage to get a peek at the second room if we were sneaky. The second room was H2O's VIP lounge and that's where the celebrities headed when they came in. Once, I thought I saw Ellen Page but it turned out to be Natalie Portman. I could feel Taylor tugging on my hand impatiently as I headed to the bar but she calmed down as soon as I split the crowd in front of the bar.

"Can I get two vodka cranberry and two shots of tequila?" I asked the bartender behind the counter. The crowd was staring at Taylor and I, some looked a little angry at our cutting but a more than a few were checking us out. I was used to owning clubs when I walked in, confidence just draws the people like moths to a flame.

"Sure baby," the bartender said winking at Taylor. I felt Taylor stiffen beside me and laughed a bit inside. The girl behind the bar had short spiky hair and was a little on the pudgy side. The exact opposite of Taylor's type. We took our drinks and shots as Taylor reached for her wallet. "It's on the house."

"Thank you!" I said grinning at Taylor, who gripped my hand almost painfully hard. She took her shot straight up and I followed suit, grimacing at the burning trail the alcohol left in my throat. I quickly downed my mixed drink as she did the same and nodded out to the dance floor. "You wanna dance?"

"Yes please, god that bartender looked like a shorter fatter version of Patrick." I laughed as I grabbed hold of Taylor's hand. She led the way down the stairs and pulled me to the middle of the floor. Dancing was always something that had come natural to me as a child and the moment the bass started vibrating in my chest I took charge. Turning my friend to face me I put my hands on her hips drawing her body closer to my own. Usually when we danced together Taylor and I stayed about six inches away from each other but tonight, after everything that had happened that day, I pulled her against my lean body. The look on her face was priceless.

"What are you doin?" She asked an edge of nervousness creeping into her voice. Her bright blue eyes were wide in surprise.

"Making you look good," I said into her ear. Hearing her suck in her breath, I grinned and put my hand on her stomach running my thumb across the inch of bare skin right above her jeans. I kept our hips moving in a circular motion, occasionally dropping down a bit and then rolling back to where our hip bones met. She met me, move for move and my heart rate increased at the thought of what I was doing. Was I actually flirting with my best friend? I didn't even like her that way, did I?

"Is that all you're doing?" She asked her eyebrows rising and a hint of concern flashing across her blue eyes. Or was that just the strobe light?

"Don't worry about it," I answered nipping at her ear lobe and giving her a wink. Taylor shook her head and her hair fell around her eyes. She smelled so good, just like fresh peeled oranges. I spun her around pushing my body against her back. My left arm was right under her breastbone and she relaxed into my body after a second. Guilt flooded my chest as I drug my right hand down the front of her thigh. Any feelings of remorse were chased away by the feel of her hands on top of my own, gripping tightly and as the pace of the song quickened so did the rhythm of our "sister slut dance".

"Spencer what the…" Taylor began as my lips grazed the curve of her neck that led to her shoulder.

"Don't act like you don't like it Kline." I growled as she pushed away from my body and faced me with her arms crossed across her chest.

"Spencer I came here to pick up chicks," Taylor said into my ear. "Not you. You've made it abundantly clear so many times that I'm not what you want, so stop trying to lead me on."

"Maybe you are what I want tonight Kline, did you ever think of that?" I asked blowing my bangs out of my face. "Just don't think about it right now, I'm not. Let's just have fun."

"No Spencer, you don't understand. When someone dances like that with me, it means they want me. That they want more than just cuddling at night and denying it in the morning. If you're ready for something more then I'm not going to stop you but I will not be a point you prove to yourself or your mother."

"Fine. I'm leaving. You can get a ride with Aaron." I said with disappointment creeping into my stomach. It wasn't that I was into Taylor but I was not used to rejection. The DJ flipped the song to a new Enrique song and I rolled my eyes at Taylor. "You should just ask me to stay."

"Why?" She asked rubbing her fingers on the tips of my hair, tugging me closer. I swallowed the lump in my throat and put my hands on her hips, threading my thumbs through her belt loops. Her face was close to mine, her long eyelashes hiding the questioning crystal blue eyes.

"Because I love this song," I answered placing a line of kisses at the base of her neck. Her hands found mine, and I pushed them above her head as we continued to dance. This time, we fought for dominance, but I was a better dancer and eventually I won out. I held her hands tightly behind her back now as I let my body slide against hers. Maybe it was the alcohol taking effect, but I felt a burn in the pit of my stomach begin.

"God Spencer, what in the hell was in that shot?" Taylor murmured as my lips found her burning skin again. It was hot on the floor and we were both starting to glisten with sweat, her skin was salty and I couldn't stop myself from tasting her smoldering flesh again. I began to wonder what in the hell was in the shot myself. Releasing her hands, I ran my fingers under her shirt feeling the muscles contract in her back with every movement she made. I felt her hands slip into my back pockets and was surprised at the feeling that overtook me. "Spencer, seriously woah hey. Watch your hands!"

"God Taylor just shut up already." I whispered into her ear. I saw the goose bumps rise on her skin and traced over them with my fingertips like a blind woman finding brail for the first time.

"No Spencer Carlin you're going to blue ball me if you aren't careful. Don't do anything you're going to regret in the morning." I ignored her and continued my fingertip exploration of her body, pleased to hear her suck in her breath when I dipped my finger below the waist band of her jeans. I ran my index finger along the bare skin of her hip bone and grinned mischievously. Suddenly I was hit with a wave of dizziness, and Taylor steadied me against her body. "Spencer, I think you've had too much to drink."

"I'm okay Taylor, really," I stumbled a bit against her and she caught me again shaking her head.

"No you aren't, let's go home. We can come back soon." She led me by the hand off of the dance floor and suddenly I was wracked with another moment of dizziness. The room spun around me quickly and gripped Taylor's hand a bit harder. "Hang on sweetie. AARON!!!!!"

"Hey ladies," a cool smooth voice said from behind me. I struggled to keep my eyes open and stared up at the bartender from before. She looked right at me and grinned. "Do you mind if I dance with your friend for a minute?"

"At this point, she probably doesn't mind but I do! I don't like you and she's not feeling well. Someone probably jacked her drink. Do you know anything about that?" Taylor asked angrily.

"Whoops, sorry it's only meant to lighten you up. She must have taken your shot." The stocky little bartender said. A larger shadow was cast over her face and I found myself being lifted off of the floor.

"Cmon Spence, let's get you home."

It was near 2 AM when we finally got back to the house. Aaron had driven my car home since Taylor and I had both been drinking. Thankfully, my mother and Ben were gone; they must have been working late at the hospital. Kyla's car was still gone, so I assumed that she was staying the night with Urkel. Taylor nearly had to carry me through the door and I tossed my purse onto the chair in the dining room.

"Cmon baby leannnnnnnn like a cholllo," I slurred out trying to lean to my right but someone must have shaken the world like a snow globe because I nearly fell over.

"Okay my little gangster, let's get you upstairs and into bed. God, you're going to hate me in the morning."

"How could I everrr haaaaate you? You're sooooo hottt," I tried to speak clearly but it felt like there was a large bullfrog playing in an inflatable jumper on my tongue. Taylor just laughed and put me on my hands and knees at the base of the stairs.

"Okay Spencer, let's crawl." I followed her lead and felt the carpeted stairs under my hands as I climbed one stair at a time. The dizziness started to ease from my head; I think it was because I was closer to the ground and had less room to fall. It felt like it took hours to get up the stairs and sometimes the carpet tickled, which made me laugh. "Spencer get up girl, your room is right here."

"Mmmmkaaaaay," I said giving the blonde a crooked smile. Flipping onto my back, I used my feet to push myself into my room. I saw my laptop open where I'd left it earlier and saw Taylor standing over me with her hands held out.

"Careful, not too fast."

"Mmmkay." I slurred yet again as she helped pull my leaden body off of the floor. The first thing I noticed was the dizziness returning and the second thing I noticed was that as I lost my balance I tumbled into the blondes arms. She held onto me for a moment and I could smell that spicy orange scent again. Her heart thumped against my chest and I stole a furtive glance at her eyes.

"Spencer, let's get you into some PJs." She said gently pushing me away and opening my drawer. Taylor had stayed enough unplanned nights in my room to know where my clothes were if she needed them. In our little world, she was like the Pacey to my Dawson. Her family situation wasn't always the best and my home was always open to her. She handed me a pair of worn green boxer shorts and unbuttoned my skirt for me when my fingers proved too clumsy to navigate the clasps. For a moment, it seemed as if her hands lingered at my hips before she slid the small jean skirt down to my ankles. "Step in and hold onto my shoulders so you don't fall."

"Okay." I placed my unsteady hands on her shoulders and stepped into the shorts, trying not to notice the way the backs of her fingers brushed my thighs as she brought the shorts up to rest below my hip bones. I swallowed thickly, feeling the burning in my stomach begin again. "Ttttaylor?"

"Yeah?" She answered as she pulled my top over my head and threw it in the corner. I stood there in my bra and tilted my head to the side, wondering if my hair looked okay. "Black or gray wifebeater?"

"You choooose," I said sitting on the edge of my bed putting my already throbbing head into my hands. She returned, pulling a black tank top over my head and sliding it down to cover my bare stomach. This time I didn't imagine her hands lingering on my skin. My breathing started to come faster as her hands caressed the fiery skin of my stomach. "Taylor- I – I wannnt to kisssss you."

She looked surprised and immediately withdrew her hands. I blinked a few times before realizing that she was still kneeling in front of me with her hands twisting themselves into knots on her lap. Swallowing the dizziness that was threatening to overcome my body, I reached out and placed my right hand on her cheek. Her eyes fluttered shut and a tiny puff of air escaped her lips. I felt her jaw muscles clench under my hand and when those blue eyes found mine again, I could see the struggle within. A hand met mine and she closed her eyes again for a moment. With her hand covering my own, I felt her thumb brush my knuckles and felt her slowly slide my hand away from her face. "God that feels so good, but we can't Spencer. Not like this, I won't let you."

"Whhhhyyyy?" I whined out flopping back onto my bed grimacing as my head bounced a bit. "I wannnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sexxxxxxxx yooooou uppp!"

"Oh I bet you do," Taylor chuckled as she leaned over and put her hands under my arms trying to scoot me up to the pillows. Her knee accidentally brushed in between my legs as she struggled and a gasp escaped my lips. She looked down in alarm. "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry."

"Din't hurt," I said leaning back against my pillows and staring at her as she straddled my body. "Doncha want to?"

"Oh yes," Taylor answered with a look that could only be described as torn. "But I can't take advantage of you like this, no matter how much I want you. I want you when you're you. When you're being OCD and stubborn, when you tell me that I could be a much better person. I want that Spencer."

"S'nice." I said as she began to change into a pair of my old boxers and a white tank top. Before she climbed under the covers she moved a tall trashcan next to my side of the bed 'just in case'. "Goodnnnnnight Tayyyyylor."

"Goodnight Spencer." She said wrapping her arms around my waist and scooting close to me. Just before I drifted off, I felt a soft kiss on my temple and grinned in spite of my inebriation. I was almost positive that I had a crush on my best friend.


	12. Liquid Dreams

A/N: Another IM conversation between Spencer and Ashley! Or, I guess, Amy and Janet.

---------------------------------------------

TrojansNotNeeded: okay so we seriously need to analyze this dream  
TrojansNotNeeded: i had it AGAIN!  
adhasnovds: haha oh man, you're so gay  
TrojansNotNeeded: well maybe. but we'll talk about that later.  
adhasnovds: something else happened? hmm, bradshaw. i'm disappointed that you didn't come to me with this news sooner. i'm almost hurt.  
TrojansNotNeeded: well I would have but I've been so hungover that I haven't left the bathroom all weekend.  
TrojansNotNeeded: some asshole doped my drink at H2O  
adhasnovds: are you serious? please tell me you called the cops  
TrojansNotNeeded: my boyfriends brother works there, he took care of it  
adhasnovds: hmm. well alright. i'd still feel better if the cops were involved though  
TrojansNotNeeded: i don't think my mom would even care enough to get that involved, she'd probably chastise me for being where i was.  
adhasnovds: true... so anyway, that dream of yours  
TrojansNotNeeded: okay so. im in the kitchen  
adhasnovds: i'm already likin it  
TrojansNotNeeded: and suddenly i open the fridge and there's like a tunnel  
TrojansNotNeeded: so i go down the tunnel with a banana flashlight  
TrojansNotNeeded: and get to this old green door  
TrojansNotNeeded: any insight yet?  
adhasnovds: the banana flashlight is weirding me out a bit  
TrojansNotNeeded: do you think it represents a penis!  
adhasnovds: usually... or maybe you need more potassium in your diet?  
TrojansNotNeeded: let's go with option b.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i have enough penis in my life.  
adhasnovds: ew.  
adhasnovds: anyway, so you're at a green door. what happens next  
TrojansNotNeeded: i open the door and theres this girl with long curly brown hair with her back to me. her bare back.  
adhasnovds: the door opens simply? like, you don't have to struggle to get it open or unlock it in any way?  
TrojansNotNeeded: well i kind of fall through it and hit my head, but i didn't think that was relevant?  
TrojansNotNeeded: it almost felt like someone pushed me from behind  
adhasnovds: hmm... ok continue  
TrojansNotNeeded: anyway. she isn't wearing a shirt and im like.. hey nice back muscles right? a little jealous of the perfect hair  
TrojansNotNeeded: and then she turns around and its my sister's creepy friend.  
adhasnovds: did you check her out  
TrojansNotNeeded: well what do you mean? i mean she was naked i couldn't help but look  
adhasnovds: oh you could help it if you really wanted to  
TrojansNotNeeded: but i didnt really enjoy looking  
adhasnovds: are you sure?  
TrojansNotNeeded: yeah i felt weird  
adhasnovds: weird how  
TrojansNotNeeded: like i wanted to cover her up?  
adhasnovds: with your body?  
TrojansNotNeeded: NO!  
adhasnovds: lol hmm...  
adhasnovds: so you didn't have any urge whatsoever to just walk right up to her, wrap your fingers in that perfect hair, and kiss her?  
TrojansNotNeeded: uh. no.  
adhasnovds: then what happened  
TrojansNotNeeded: she kisses me.  
TrojansNotNeeded: and puts my hands on her shoulders.  
TrojansNotNeeded: hey i know this is totally off topic, but what do you look like?  
TrojansNotNeeded: so i can stop picturing you as the girl from my dream.  
adhasnovds: doesn't matter what i look like bradshaw, keep telling me about your dream  
TrojansNotNeeded: well thats it. thats where i always wake up  
TrojansNotNeeded: cuz she opens her eyes and looks at me.  
TrojansNotNeeded: and i think it startles me awake every single time.  
adhasnovds: are her eyes that scary?  
TrojansNotNeeded: well no. it's just that they're my eyes.  
adhasnovds: whoa wait. what do you mean they're your eyes?  
TrojansNotNeeded: its like she turns into me or something its weird idk. tell me your theories dr. freud  
adhasnovds: well you're hungry for adventure. hence the kitchen and the tunnel. the tunnel signifies the journey you want/need to take.  
adhasnovds: the door is green, green means go. the door is also representative of the next step you need to take. the doorway to the future. you feeling like you're being pushed through it means you're hesitant to do so, like you're not ready. but you're forced to face what's next anyway, even if you're not ready.  
adhasnovds: in my experience, people that you engage in kisses or more with are usually who you want. they represent your deepest desires.  
TrojansNotNeeded: so you're saying im a flamer and i want my sister's best friend  
adhasnovds: and since she initiates the kiss, and takes charge and you let her...you like it. you want it.  
TrojansNotNeeded: that i have a freak fetish.  
adhasnovds: maybe she's not as big of a freak as you think she is  
TrojansNotNeeded: she is!  
adhasnovds: have you ever talked to her?  
TrojansNotNeeded: well no not really, every time i try she just ignores me. she HATES me.  
adhasnovds: well maybe you did something to cause her to not want to talk to you? i don't know bradshaw, there's gotta be a reason she ignores you.  
TrojansNotNeeded: she hates me!  
adhasnovds: did you do something to her?  
TrojansNotNeeded: no.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i almost made out with Taycen on Thursday night.  
adhasnovds: whoa hold up, what!  
TrojansNotNeeded: yeah. during my inebriation  
TrojansNotNeeded: she wouldn't let me though, i got really angry.  
adhasnovds: hmm  
adhasnovds: would you really want your first girl kiss to be when you're wasted beyond belief?  
TrojansNotNeeded: well no. not at all. but i wanted it then.  
adhasnovds: not now?  
TrojansNotNeeded: no.  
adhasnovds: you don't want your first kiss to be with her at all do you  
TrojansNotNeeded: well  
TrojansNotNeeded: i dont know  
adhasnovds: what's going on in your head bradshaw  
TrojansNotNeeded: i like her. but only when we're by ourselves. when she's being herself.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i feel like she's only herself when she's with me.  
adhasnovds: and she wants you right?  
TrojansNotNeeded: it didn't seem like it  
TrojansNotNeeded: she kept pushing me away  
adhasnovds: because you were under the influence  
adhasnovds: it sounds like she wants what you want. she wants you when you're you.  
adhasnovds: not when you're so gone you can barely stand  
TrojansNotNeeded: sounds like you want me. haha.  
adhasnovds: maybe i do bradshaw, but you could only hope for that lol  
TrojansNotNeeded: i'm glad i have you as a friend. that's for sure. i couldn't exactly talk to taycen about this.  
adhasnovds: i'm happy to help  
adhasnovds: do you want some advice?  
TrojansNotNeeded: sure  
adhasnovds: kiss her  
TrojansNotNeeded: what!  
adhasnovds: just kiss her. see what happens  
adhasnovds: i'm talking about taycen by the way  
TrojansNotNeeded: obviously. i wouldn't be kissing my sister's friend.  
adhasnovds: well you never know...  
TrojansNotNeeded: she would hit me.  
adhasnovds: now now, you don't know that  
TrojansNotNeeded: what would you do if regina kissed you?  
adhasnovds: i'd throw her down a flight of stairs  
adhasnovds: but that's completely different  
TrojansNotNeeded: how so?  
adhasnovds: because we're not talking about regina, we're talking about you  
adhasnovds: maybe your sister's friend ignores you, or hates you as you claim, because she's got a thing for you and just can't do anything about it  
TrojansNotNeeded: do you have a thing for regina?  
adhasnovds: definitely not. that girl is too in love with herself  
TrojansNotNeeded: are you sure?  
adhasnovds: and why do i keep getting dragged into this  
adhasnovds: we're talking about you, not me  
adhasnovds: and yes i'm sure  
adhasnovds: there's another girl i've got my eye on  
adhasnovds: the one i met at the club the other night  
TrojansNotNeeded: you met someone?  
adhasnovds: don't you read my blog bradshaw? lol  
TrojansNotNeeded: well yeah but I thought that you guys just talked.  
adhasnovds: we still met. i mean, that counts doesn't it?  
TrojansNotNeeded: well yeah i mean, its cool. is she your type  
adhasnovds: i'm not sure yet. but i think it'd be best if she wasn't. my type always ends up being beautiful, but batshit crazy.  
TrojansNotNeeded: like regina ;)  
adhasnovds: lol no, regina is just batshit crazy :-P  
TrojansNotNeeded: i bet she's pretty. its like a popluar pre req  
adhasnovds: then what's her gretchen's excuse?  
TrojansNotNeeded: the best friend doesn't have to be pretty  
adhasnovds: but she's popular  
TrojansNotNeeded: because of regina.  
TrojansNotNeeded: who is pretty.  
adhasnovds: hmm i guess you have a point  
adhasnovds: wait  
adhasnovds: do you know regina!  
TrojansNotNeeded: how would I? is regina her name?  
adhasnovds: no...but you talk about her like you know or something  
TrojansNotNeeded: well if you think about it. i am regina. i'm popular  
adhasnovds: yeah but you're not an insane psycho freak like she is  
TrojansNotNeeded: i could be.  
adhasnovds: tryin to tell me somethin bradshaw?  
TrojansNotNeeded: that i'm a bad ass master criminal  
adhasnovds: you're so not lucy diamond  
TrojansNotNeeded: no i'm even better.  
adhasnovds: hmm, we'll see.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i'm so excited for the super bowl!  
adhasnovds: ew, you watch football?  
TrojansNotNeeded: occasionally, i'm more of a NCAA basketball fan.  
TrojansNotNeeded: USC baby. all the way.  
adhasnovds: i never would've guessed  
TrojansNotNeeded: it's a secret, only taycen knows i obsess over it.  
TrojansNotNeeded: and now you.  
adhasnovds: so you still haven't told your parents you want to go to USC yet?  
TrojansNotNeeded: well no. not actually. i've had several stimulating practice conversations in the mirror  
adhasnovds: haha stimulating huh?  
adhasnovds: too bad they won't go the way you practiced when you actually man and do it  
TrojansNotNeeded: right!  
TrojansNotNeeded: anyway. I'm going to go.  
adhasnovds: alright, have fun watching guys patting each other on the ass and humping each other bradshaw.  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh it's popcorn worthy.  
adhasnovds: i'm sure lol  
TrojansNotNeeded: have a good night.  
adhasnovds: thanks. you too


	13. Miss Murder

Here's a small update, and when I say small I mean...extremely small.

----------------------

**Chapter 12.5: Miss Murder**

February 5, 2008  
Time: 4:00 PM  
Mood: Conflicted  
Username: adhasnovds

I'm supposed to go to K's in a little while. I haven't seen Regina since the incident, which is probably for the best. Considering I'm still ready to rip her face off for what she did that is.

I've told K that if I see her, which I know will happen, there will be a confrontation. She asked me to just let it be, and I know I should, but I just can't. Not this time. I might not beat the shit out of her, but there will be words. She'll realize she can't get away with that. As long as I'm around, she won't get to do crap like that to K.

Now I know that none of you know what I'm talking about, but that's because if I posted it that would ultimately give away all the identities I've placed in here, and I just can't have that happening! Just understand that it was bad and wrong.

sigh I can't stop thinking about that girl from the club either. That's bad; bad because I don't want to get hung up on some girl again, only to have it turn bad. But she's so cute and funny…ugh. Screw this, out of my head cute and funny girl. Your blue eyes mean nothing and your smile doesn't make me feel anything. Nope, not one thing.

…you guys bought that right?

Doesn't matter. It's time for me to go anyway.


	14. New Age Girl

Here's your last update for a while. I say a while because I really don't know when the next one will be. So, have fun with this one. Thank you for reviewing. Keep it up. It helps verily.

---------------------

**Chapter 13: New Age Girl**

February 5, 2008  
Time: 7:30 PM  
Mood: Pissed  
Username: adhasnovds

Ashley Davies' Private Blog:

Oh she is so lucky I didn't knock her the fuck out. Gah that bitch is going to fucking pay if she ever messes with me or K again. If her or her Gretchen do anything and I'll expose their little…

Breathe, breathe Janice. Inhale, exhale. Calming breaths.

Let's recount what just happened…and by what just happened I mean what happened a few hours ago. I've been trying to get my head clear, but it's not working.

So I went to the kitchen for a snack and I was just getting out of the fridge when I hear a squeak on the floor. I turn around with my arms full of stuff for a sandwich and there she is, queen bee her fucking self, Regina.

I say hi, to be polite considering it was her house or whatever. My tone clearly saying I didn't want to talk to her after that. However, she doesn't seem to get that. She just keeps talking. I keep my answers short, tone still evident of not wanting to talk to her, and she finally gets it, but makes some stupid comment about how she shouldn't have even tried with me? Tried? Please. Bitch wouldn't know the meaning of the word try if she looked it up in the dictionary. She's had everything handed to her. Every single thing she's ever wanted, she's gotten.

She spouts off something about K doing something to deserve what was done in return. She actually tried to deny it at first; I think that's what…no, no that's definitely what got me going. But the fact she tried to tell me K had anything to do with the reason they did it was what set me off the most.

Gretchen comes in during the fight and tries to "break it up." I get an interesting picture message from a friend who apparently was at the same club as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb the other night. Quite a compromising position those two were caught in. I especially loved the caption he included with it, "Spotted: Regina George and Gretchen Weiners. Is the Queen Bee changing teams? Keep your eyes open on the soccer fields this spring West Hollywood, there might be a new addition to the squad."

Sometimes I wonder if he's gay, but I've got it on good authority that he's got a major thing for K and her for him. I'll have to set something up…

But anyway, Gretchen thinks it's a good idea to grab my phone from me. Stupid slut. Have to disinfect that thing now. She claims to know something about me…how she could I don't know. I've never told anyone, never written about it anywhere. I keep it inside all the time. It's whatever; I don't have anything to lose. She can't touch me without fucking up Regina's future.

I made sure she knew I wasn't messing around.

I'm still so fucking livid I just…fuck it. I need to get out of here.

---

I clicked submit and slammed my laptop closed. I told Kyla what happened, she said she understood and that she'd call me later. Later being tomorrow; she knew me well enough that when I was this pissed off I needed at least twelve hours to calm down.

I showered and changed, got my hair perfect and did my makeup. I slipped in my contacts; tonight, I was going to get action. Normally I would have better judgment on this matter, but it was a necessity. I was too riled up to work it off any other way.

The parking lot was packed, but it didn't matter. I walked to the front of the line; the bouncer took one look at me and opened the velvet rope without a second thought. He knew me, we were buds.

Straight to the bar and two shots later, I scanned the room for my target. I spotted the cute girl from the other night and made my way over to her. She was talking to some friends, I could tell just by the body language. I can read people, what can I say? As I got closer it was like she sensed me. Or it could've been that her friend saw me and nodded my way, which caused her to turn around. But, ya know, I like to think she sensed me anyway.

She sent a sexy little smile my way and said goodbye to her friends. When she got to me I grabbed her hand and led her out to the dance floor. The DJ was pretty good; playing just the right music. It was like he knew what kind of afternoon I had and made the playlist just for me. He knew I was getting my mack on.

I pulled her into me, using my hand on her lower back to keep her there. She didn't object in the slightest, but instead ground her hips into mine. As the beats flowed from the speakers our moves got more and more sultry. She turned me around, my back pressed tightly to her front. Her hand slipped under my tank top slightly, tentatively learning the skin there; plotting a course for later it seemed as her fingers skimmed lightly above the waist of my skirt.

We were both feeling it, the music and the alcohol that was clearly flowing through our veins, and when she kissed me I didn't object. I turned back around so I was facing her and indulged in those perfect lips. It'd been a while since I'd had sex, let alone kissed someone, so I enjoyed this to the fullest extent. They were so soft, it was hard not to anyway.

We pulled away, breathless and sweaty from both dancing and our impromptu make out. Her blue eyes had gone cobalt, oh she was ready.

"Wanna get out of here?"

"Your place or mine?" she asked with a voice lower than her normal one.

"Yours," I said.

We took my car, in case I needed a quick get away. I had a feeling I wouldn't need to, but better safe than sorry. I wasn't looking for anything serious, but this girl…there was something about her. Something that made me want her as more than just my usual one night stand.

She got us up to her room in no time at all. Our clothes were wrinkled from the groping on the stairs…and down the hall…and against the walls.

She was on the bed clad in nothing but her bra and panties; her pale skin looked good enough to eat, soaked in the moonlight. I climbed up the length of her body, being sure to kiss every exposed patch of skin on her stomach.

Hovered above her, I stopped to work on her neck; biting and sucking, leaving my mark. Poor girl probably thought I was a vampire or something. I made my way back to her lips after she threaded her hands in my hair and pulled me back up to them.

Raggedly breathing I asked, "What's your name?" I finally lowered my body onto hers and slipped a leg in between her thighs.

"S-Sydney," was her choked reply.

"Well Sydney," I said as I rocked my hips into hers, loving the gasps that came from her mouth. "You and I are about to get better acquainted."


	15. I'm Talking Too Much

Chapter 14: I'm Taking Too Much

**Chapter 14: I'm Taking Too Much**

TrojansNotNeeded: search the city has to be the best band of the month of april.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i know that is still two months away  
TrojansNotNeeded: but i swear its true.  
adhasnovds: i dunno, i hear usher's supposed to make a comeback. isn't that more your style? :-P  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh please. i may dance but i'm secretly a powerpop extremist.  
adhasnovds: uh huh, sure you are.  
TrojansNotNeeded: you should see my room, its covered in like obscure band posters. maybe you can come over and see it sometime  
adhasnovds: uh...  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh you dont have to! im sorry, i didnt mean to get all internet stalker on you.  
adhasnovds: no, it's not that. i just...well. you were the one that wanted this to be all private and strictly online  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh i know. i can be bipolar when im listening to a new band. sorry! we should get to know eachother beter though i hardly know anything about you. other than the fact you pick up strange girls at clubs.  
adhasnovds: i do not pick up strange girls at clubs  
adhasnovds: i picked you up on ourchart  
TrojansNotNeeded: haha you did not pick me up. mans law #7: Don't pick her up if you can't pick her up  
adhasnovds: well i bet i can pick you up. you're in shape aren't you?  
TrojansNotNeeded: well yeah its a requirement of my evil sub species  
adhasnovds: you have an evil sub species?  
adhasnovds: oh my god, you're an alien?! AHH  
TrojansNotNeeded: yes. its called the "popular crowd".  
TrojansNotNeeded: if they arent aliens then i dont know what aliens are  
adhasnovds: good point  
TrojansNotNeeded: who do you hang out with at school  
TrojansNotNeeded: or are you one of those that kind of crowd hops?  
TrojansNotNeeded: cuz you're just that badass.  
adhasnovds: i crowd hop, but mainly it's just K and i  
TrojansNotNeeded: i figured. and you're sure you arent in love with this chick?  
TrojansNotNeeded: not that im jealous.  
adhasnovds: oh clearly you're not jealous  
TrojansNotNeeded: just nosy  
adhasnovds: no, i'm not in love with her  
adhasnovds: i joke around with her, you know playful flirting and she's cool with it because she knows it's just that. a joke  
TrojansNotNeeded: do you know that?  
adhasnovds: yeah i do  
TrojansNotNeeded: good, i would hate for you to be secretly have feelings for your best friend. trust me. thats a bitch.  
adhasnovds: speaking from experience huh  
TrojansNotNeeded: well im still not sure, but i dont even wanna talk about it.  
adhasnovds: fair enough  
TrojansNotNeeded: id rather flirt with you, it makes me feel productive about my impending sexual orientation change.  
adhasnovds: so you're just using me huh bradshaw  
adhasnovds: you're a user and an abuser  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh baby are you offering?  
TrojansNotNeeded: lol  
TrojansNotNeeded: jk  
adhasnovds: hey, i don't mind  
adhasnovds: i like it rough  
TrojansNotNeeded: if i were ever with you like that... i dont think it could be rough. i mean, i'd probably like you too much for it to go down that way. hypothetically of course.  
adhasnovds: of course  
adhasnovds: and, hypothetically speaking, how does bradshaw like it  
TrojansNotNeeded: not with a boy.  
TrojansNotNeeded: lol  
adhasnovds: obviously  
adhasnovds: but are you like, the cliche barry white, massage oils, scented candles type?  
TrojansNotNeeded: no i'm more of the realistic type  
TrojansNotNeeded: where it just happens when it happens  
TrojansNotNeeded: no planning  
TrojansNotNeeded: no candles.  
TrojansNotNeeded: just us.  
adhasnovds: just us? movin quick aren't you  
adhasnovds: haven't even bought me dinner yet!  
TrojansNotNeeded: well not us us  
adhasnovds: aww, i'm hurt :-(  
TrojansNotNeeded: did you want it to be?  
adhasnovds: "i don't wanna be one of those girls that sleeps with her friends."  
TrojansNotNeeded: did i say that?  
adhasnovds: no, alice did  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh thats right. she really effed that one up right? lol.  
adhasnovds: oh she effed it up good. definitely not complaining though. dalice was amazing  
TrojansNotNeeded: stupid IC had to go and ruin it with Lara and then she totally screwed the fans when she killed Dana!  
adhasnovds: sigh damn her.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i concur.  
TrojansNotNeeded: should we call willow? have her go all veiny and scary on IC?  
adhasnovds: nah, wouldn't do us any good now  
TrojansNotNeeded: you're right. i guess now you're just going to have to comfort me...  
TrojansNotNeeded: roughly.  
adhasnovds: oh geez...  
TrojansNotNeeded: sorry did i jump the line?  
adhasnovds: well no  
adhasnovds: i think i just need... janet's special alone time...with herself :-P  
TrojansNotNeeded: why alone time when i could help?  
adhasnovds: seems like you're pretty confident bradshaw... but you couldn't handle me. not yet anyway  
TrojansNotNeeded: i can handle anything. but if you don't want that, then i suppose we could play a game. if you're game. (no pun intended)  
adhasnovds: depends on the game  
TrojansNotNeeded: word association  
adhasnovds: let's go  
TrojansNotNeeded: mullet  
adhasnovds: joe dirt  
TrojansNotNeeded: brandi mmm  
adhasnovds: skanky, not even really bisexual ho  
TrojansNotNeeded: your step mom  
adhasnovds: gold digging booty call  
TrojansNotNeeded: my mom  
adhasnovds: milf :-P  
TrojansNotNeeded: (you're so dead) sex.  
adhasnovds: yes please  
TrojansNotNeeded: manners  
adhasnovds: umm..umm...something you don't have?  
TrojansNotNeeded: -O how do i find something to associate with that?! oh.. wait.. something i dont have...  
TrojansNotNeeded: you in my bed?  
adhasnovds: horny bastard  
TrojansNotNeeded: addison  
adhasnovds: icky boy parts  
TrojansNotNeeded: pie balls  
adhasnovds: mm ellen page  
TrojansNotNeeded: naked.  
TrojansNotNeeded: more ellen page naked!  
adhasnovds: jill bennett  
TrojansNotNeeded: boobs!  
TrojansNotNeeded: ah dammit, that was total reflex.  
adhasnovds: god you're gay  
TrojansNotNeeded: i know. i know.  
adhasnovds: so you admit it!  
TrojansNotNeeded: no!  
TrojansNotNeeded: only for you and jill bennet.  
TrojansNotNeeded: and maybe taycen.  
TrojansNotNeeded: and ellen page.  
TrojansNotNeeded: and brandi from joe dirt  
TrojansNotNeeded: and for the girl in the red shirt  
adhasnovds: oh so you're not just playing straight girl games with my head?  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh no. i am.  
adhasnovds: hmm...  
TrojansNotNeeded: i'd be playing with more if you'd let me jk  
adhasnovds: someone once told me that behind every jk is some truth  
TrojansNotNeeded: who? the almighty all knowing oz?  
adhasnovds: no, this girl from my speech class last year  
TrojansNotNeeded: did she wear red all the time?  
adhasnovds: no  
TrojansNotNeeded: just asking. theres a mystery girl in red who plagues me all the time... she's in a couple of my classes  
adhasnovds: what do you mean  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh i always feel like she's looking at me. but im a paranoid pyscho most of the time.  
adhasnovds: ohh. maybe she is. i mean, you're a deb after all  
TrojansNotNeeded: she's probably a supervillain.. i should have known. her bangs were suspiciously perfect.  
TrojansNotNeeded: ah shit. i have to go, i'm going to see this play with taycen  
TrojansNotNeeded: text me?  
adhasnovds: uh  
TrojansNotNeeded: what?  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh you dont have my number  
adhasnovds: i don't think taycen would like that too much.  
TrojansNotNeeded: whatever she doesnt make rules for me. if you dont want it you can just tell me.  
adhasnovds: it's not that i don't want it. but we're moving past the privacy borders you set up at the beginning of this  
adhasnovds: i just want to respect your wishes  
TrojansNotNeeded: and my wish is that you text me.  
TrojansNotNeeded: 310-223-4589. if you want.  
TrojansNotNeeded: bye!  
adhasnovds: bye


	16. Don't Break Hearts

Chapter 15: Don't Break Hearts and Try to Shake Hands

**Chapter 15: Don't Break Hearts and Try to Shake Hands**  
Rating: Pg-16

User: TrojansNotNeeded  
Date: 2/05/08  
Time: 8:54  
Mood: Apprehensive

So it's been a while since I checked in with everyone, I'm really sorry that I've been gone for this long. I don't even really know if you guys missed me but if you did, I was just really busy with dance and stuff. Addison has been monopolizing my time lately, I still haven't quite figured out how to tell him that I'm not a fan of Addisonn Junior. As for the night out with Taycen, well that proved to be a huge disaster. She and I got really drunk and I think I may have come onto her.

After some conversations with a very wise yoda, who will remain nameless, I think we've concluded that I have a crush on her. She told me to kiss her and I totally tried. It was a few days ago we were in my room and Taycen was sitting on the end of my bed. Her hair was falling into her face and her eyes kept twinkling as she recounted something that had happened in Home Ec with her cake/pet rock.

"Bradshaw (she doesn't actually call me Bradshaw but I changed it for you all) are you listening to me?" My eyes snapped away from her mouth and I licked my own cracked lips nervously. Nodding weakly, I made a motion with my hand for her to continue her story. "Anyway, I was pulling it out of the oven and this thick black smoke filled the room and there he was."

"There who was?" I asked fighting the jealousy that fought its way into my throat. Of course Taycen didn't like me; of course there was someone else.

"Gizmo." She said with a content sigh. Clasping her hands against her cheek, Taycen faked a swoon and landed right in my lap.

"Gizmo?"

"Yes, originally he was going to be a German Chocolate Cake but then I burned the hell out of it. I mean we're talking like skipping stages of solids here and going straight to diamond strength surface. Anyway, I've decided that he's my pet rock. From now on, he'll be known as Gizmo."

"You're a freak. Why am I friends with you?" I asked brushing her hair out of her eyes. A smile glinted in those blue eyes that stared right back at me and all of the sudden I had goose bumps all over my skin. Sudden silences had a tendency to that to me.

"Because of all the great benefits," Taycen said shyly letting her finger run along my calf, which didn't help with my goose bumps.

"What benefits?" I asked a little surprised at the huskiness my voice was carrying. The angle was awkward but somehow my face was moving down. Her eyes became heavy lidded and I could feel her hot breath on my lips.

"OOOH ME SO HORNY OOO OOOH ME SO HORNY!!" My phone screamed from the bedside table and I jerked back from Taycen with wide eyes. I scrambled to catch the call and created a much needed distance between our bodies.

I can't believe I almost kissed her sober. What was I thinking? If it had happened right then without the aide of any alcoholic beverages, shooters or cocktails, I would have been royally screwed. I need a reason to run in case I don't like it you know. Alcohol is my best bet. The call was from Parker by the way, whining that he didn't understand his pre-cal homework and after promising to help him about three thousand times I managed to hang up. Taycen was now on her stomach, an expression of doubt poorly hidden behind her smile.

"So.. that was weird." She said blowing her hair out of her face. I nodded and paced the floor of my bedroom trying to understand what on earth could possibly be drawing me to my best friend. "Look, this doesn't have to be an issue. Let's just forget it."

"I need a soda. Do you want one?" I asked trying to distract myself from the feelings battling inside of me. I had no idea what was going on. How could I like her? She was my friend. We were friends; I mean we had been friends for a long time. And I wasn't that gay, was I? There were the dreams about you know who but those can be explained. I was sort of like Harry Potter without the burning scar, just dreams that plagued me because I was emotionally stressed out. And had a connection to the Dark Lord Voldemort. Wait, no that's not right. My sister's little friend is weird but she isn't a dark wizard. Is she? Oh god!

So I went downstairs and I was shaking my head the entire way for my inner stupidity. So I get downstairs to get a soda and I kind of had this big huge fight that I don't want to rehash right now. She was just totally out of line and we'll leave it at that. You don't even want to know who it was. So after that I was really upset and I was back in my room. The hatred I felt from her this time was just overwhelming; I wish she would just give me a chance to be human. GOD! I make mistakes; she can't expect me to be perfect all the time.

I was obviously upset when I finally made it back to my room and although Tay wanted to go kick her ass, I said that it wouldn't be necessary. She looked down at me with sad eyes and told me that she would be here for me, no matter what. But it didn't make me feel better. Just felt a little more empty and guilty for wanting more than her friendship. Somehow we got past the awkwardness from before and she came to sit next to me.

"Look, I know she gets to you," Taycen said putting her arm around my trembling shoulders. "I don't know why, you're better than this."

"I don't know either!" I replied with a frustrated sigh. She pulled me in for a hug and I put my arms around her waist resting my head on her shoulder. "Thanks for sticking up for me though."

I could feel her hands on my back, chasing each other in soothing circles and I could hear her heart pounding pretty hard. I'm not sure if it was my imagination but her hands felt like they were almost exploring every inch and avenue of skin on my back. Leaning into her, I could smell that familiar fresh peeled orange scent on her throat and I lightly brushed my lips against her pulse point. Her hands froze on my back and she stared at me with surprised blue eyes. We didn't say a word and I pulled back to look right into her eyes. My blood was pumping steadily in my ears and my breath was coming in fast bursts. Her nose brushed against mine slightly, sending chills down my neck and into my arms. I reached up with my right hand and cupped her cheek, running my thumb across her jaw line. She let out a shaky breath and I could see that her eyes had turned a dark navy color; the questions hiding inside making them look heavy.

"Who knew you were playing for my team all along?" She whispered with a half cocked smile that only she could pull off but that sentence was enough to make me pull away. What was I thinking?! I was just going to be another notch in her headboard. Wasn't I? She groaned as I increased our distance, I'm sure that the look on my face was priceless. A mix of anger and fright and frustration, just think Richard Simmons after eating a large piece of quadruple chocolate chunk cake and you have exactly what I looked like at that moment. "Hey I didn't mean it like-"

"What makes you think I play for your team?" I asked incredulously. "I do NOT play for YOUR team. I AM NOT GAY!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. God, could have fooled me for a moment there. But I guess it was just a friendly gesture again. Don't think I don't see the way you look at me! You want me just as much as I want you and you are not the only one who is scared here!" Taycen looked like she was about to cry and I instantly felt guilty.

"Look Taycen, I don't know what's going on? You're my best friend and I don't want to mess this up. Can't you just be satisfied with what we have?" I asked with a grimace.

"I was satisfied! You were the one that changed everything! I was just fine being who I was and having meaningless hookups with people who didn't matter. But you knew. You knew all along that it was you that I wanted. You were the one that I had real feelings for and you can't deny that you don't have them because I feel it!"

"I'm sorry; I don't know where you're getting this." My cowardice astounded even me because deep down I knew she was right. The feelings were there, they were always there. But I wasn't ready that day and I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. "Can't we just be friends?"

"Yeah babe, sure. Whatever." She sounded disappointed but I knew she couldn't stay angry for long.

So now here I am in my room, finally through recounting my drama filled days. I'm gay, I'm not gay. I like Taycen, I don't like her. It's like a little carousel in my brain that won't turn off and all of my friends are riding horses that have my face on them. Isn't that weird? Such is the definition of my very existence. It's pretty late, I think I'll see if Yoda is online and then hit the sack. Anyone with advice about the Taycen situation or monologues about what a tease I am feel free to comment.


	17. Rock Me To Sleep

**Chapter 16: Rock Me To Sleep**

TrojansNotNeeded: hey janet, u there?  
adhasnovds: checks yep, i'm here  
TrojansNotNeeded: you never texted me. i was sad :-(  
adhasnovds: oh. yeah. uh bout that. i was getting ready to go out and the phone was on vibrate and high and it totally slid off the counter and into the toilet. needless to say, my phone is out of commission for a while. sorry  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh…  
adhasnovds: amy i'm sorry  
TrojansNotNeeded: no it's fine. really.  
TrojansNotNeeded: so i read ur latest... how did the search for the blue eyed brunette go  
adhasnovds: uh...pretty well. and by pretty well i mean, i scored  
TrojansNotNeeded: scored?  
adhasnovds: yes as in got laid, did the hibbity dibbity, was sexually active, partook in intercourse. had. sex.  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh  
adhasnovds: it was much needed after the afternoon i'd had... but enough about that. what's up bradshaw  
TrojansNotNeeded: is this the part where we high five and chant uncork her and pork her?  
adhasnovds: my name isn't john tucker and we are not sweaty disgusting basketball guys, to my knowledge at least, so no.  
TrojansNotNeeded: so i couldnt do it  
adhasnovds: do what?  
TrojansNotNeeded: kiss her  
adhasnovds: what? why not?  
TrojansNotNeeded: bc i wanted to so bad.  
adhasnovds: that makes no sense...  
TrojansNotNeeded: nothing good can come of a desire that strong  
TrojansNotNeeded: besides ive seen how she treats ppl she dates.  
TrojansNotNeeded: she could hurt me  
adhasnovds: do you really think she'd do that to you?  
TrojansNotNeeded: she does it to everyone  
TrojansNotNeeded: someone already did it today  
adhasnovds: what do you mean  
TrojansNotNeeded: i dont want to talk about it  
adhasnovds: bradshaw comma amy, what is going on? you're weirding me out with your crypticness  
adhasnovds: i can't be your guide through lesboland if you won't talk to me  
adhasnovds: i know you're not mute!  
TrojansNotNeeded: idk i just didnt like the idea of you sleeping with someone it weirds me out  
adhasnovds: well, does it help that she's my girlfriend?  
TrojansNotNeeded: surprisingly no.  
adhasnovds: aww amy bradshaw, are you jealous?  
TrojansNotNeeded: no.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i just feel protective  
TrojansNotNeeded: like i want to threaten her about hurting you  
adhasnovds: protecting me from my own girlfriend?  
TrojansNotNeeded: anyway ive adjusted now. so lets talk about me.  
adhasnovds: hmm... ok, why didn't you kiss her  
adhasnovds: and don't give me that crap about you being scared that she's going to hurt you or whatever because i really doubt she would  
TrojansNotNeeded: okay. i just panicked at the last minute, i mean its like this huge step and technically i still have my bimbo stepford boyfriend  
adhasnovds: so what? it's not like you're sleeping with the chick  
adhasnovds: it's just a kiss  
TrojansNotNeeded: it isn't just a kiss. its the kiss. its the first kiss of the rest of my life. and what if it isn't amazing. why if im not gay. what if im asexual  
TrojansNotNeeded: destined to a convent and a woolen frock for the duration of my years  
adhasnovds: what if you're an insane psycho freak that's paranoid over nothing? oh wait, you've already got that down.  
adhasnovds: you know...  
adhasnovds: you could always just kiss your sister's friend if you don't want to kiss taycen  
TrojansNotNeeded: no.  
TrojansNotNeeded: and that discussion is closed. she officially hates me. i tried to talk to her and she yelled at me and made me feel bad inside.  
adhasnovds: what'd you do  
TrojansNotNeeded: nothin!  
TrojansNotNeeded: i just said hey to her  
adhasnovds: bradshaw...  
TrojansNotNeeded: seriously dude. i promise.  
adhasnovds: sigh fine…  
TrojansNotNeeded: are you ok?  
adhasnovds: huh? oh…yeah. i just…stuff on my mind. bugging me  
TrojansNotNeeded: maybe talking about it will help?  
adhasnovds: i haven't talked to anyone about it. ever  
adhasnovds: i'm too scared to  
TrojansNotNeeded: well i mean, technically you don't really know me...  
adhasnovds: true, but...this is the only thing i'm worried about people judging me for  
TrojansNotNeeded: well. i say, the past is the past and it really shouldn't have any bearing on the future or the present.  
adhasnovds: sigh promise not to freak out?  
TrojansNotNeeded: of course janet. im bradshaw for gods sakes. im the epitome of calm  
adhasnovds: ok. takes deep breath four years ago i...  
adhasnovds: i  
adhasnovds: i can't do this  
TrojansNotNeeded: thats okay  
TrojansNotNeeded: you know. when you're ready or whatever  
TrojansNotNeeded: im in no hurry  
adhasnovds: i'm sorry :-\ god you probably think i'm a total freak  
TrojansNotNeeded: nah just a hybrid freak  
adhasnovds: gee, thanks..  
TrojansNotNeeded: at least you aren't a grade a genuine freak A zoid  
TrojansNotNeeded: lol  
adhasnovds: woooow. you know a lot of those?  
TrojansNotNeeded: i am one of those  
TrojansNotNeeded: lol  
adhasnovds: lol great…i know how to pick 'em  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh really? so ur saying you picked me when i was the one that emailed you?  
adhasnovds: a minor detail…  
TrojansNotNeeded: lol  
adhasnovds: i better get going, cindy's gonna be here soon  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh yeah of course. have a good night. hope you feel better  
adhasnovds: talking to you always helps. thanks again


	18. Forgive Me

**Chapter 17: Forgive Me**

February 7, 2008  
Time: 10:37 PM  
Mood: Scared  
Username: adhasnovds

They've started again, the nightmares. They always come back this time of year; the time when he died. The exact date is a few weeks away yet, but it still feels like it happened today. It's been the same thing every year. The same routine.

Nightmares. Freakout. Calm. Nightmares. Freakout. Calm. Nightmares. Freakout. Calm. Nightmares. Freakout. Nightmares. Nightmares. Nightmares…

I fell asleep earlier while working on some homework. I relived it again. Every sound, every sight, every feeling; it was all there.

I hate that I can still see it so clearly. That I remember every word said, every tone of voice used, and every gesture. I hate that no matter how much I try to forget, I can't get the look in his eyes out of my brain. The look that said so much and cut me so deep, that it left a hideous scar on me. Sometimes that scar rips open on its own, oozing copious amounts of blood. I've seen it in my nightmares. The blood isn't its normal crimson color though. No, in my dreams it's black.

Trying to keep my mind on other things or people doesn't work. Something always ends up reminding me of him, of that day.

As I mentioned earlier, I've never told anyone about this before. Not even K knows the details of that day. I almost ended up telling someone about it tonight, but I chickened out. I can't…I can't talk about it. Like I told her, it's the only thing I'm scared of people judging me about. It's too much pressure for me to keep holding it in, but at the same time I know I can't say anything. At least not yet.

I have a girlfriend. I know I said I wasn't looking for commitment, but the other night was a night of rash decisions; she was just one of many. Don't get me wrong, she's great, but I don't know if she's what I'm really looking for. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. I tell myself that he would've liked her; that he would've approved of her for me. That she's good enough for his little girl. But then again, that's all it is. That's just me reassuring or giving myself false hope for something that probably isn't true.

They say everything happens for a reason. I guess she and I were supposed to end up with each other, at least for now. She really is great, and cute, and funny…but can an actual, fulfilling relationship really come out of those things? Perhaps, but if we jump without looking, one or both of us could get really hurt.

I've never believed it was his time to go that day. It couldn't have been. It was way too soon.

Yeah I miss him all the time, and I wonder what things would've been like if it hadn't happened. But then I think about all the trouble we'd had; all the fighting and drama and problems that were bubbling under the surface, ready to boil over.

None of this makes sense I'm sure…but oh well.

Maybe having someone next to me tonight will keep those bad dreams away...if only for one night.

I'd just closed my laptop when Sydney walked in. She'd been here for a little over an hour; I can't say I didn't like the distraction she provided

She looked good in her little spaghetti strap tank top and piggy boxers. She still had some eyeliner on and it made her blue eyes pop. She plopped down on my bed and threw her hair up into a messy bun. Good god she looked absolutely fu- uh, radiant. Yes, radiant.

She caught me staring and blushed, but smiled through it regardless.

"What?"

"Nothing," I shook my head and smiled at her. "You just look really…amazing tonight."

She laughed lightly and snuggled under the covers, giving me an expectant look. I sauntered over and got in next to her, already able to feel the comfort of her body heat. Or what most people would find their significant other's body heat to be. Maybe it was just because the relationship was so new that it didn't feel completely comfortable yet.

We turned out the lights and she gave me a soft kiss goodnight. As I turned on my side and she draped her arm across my waist, I couldn't help but sigh.

If you asked me if it was a content sigh I would say yes. But that would be a lie. I felt guilty because while she was falling deeper and deeper into unconsciousness I was wide awake.

Thinking about another Deb.


	19. I've Been Watching You All Day

All Spencer's POV.

**Chapter 18: I Been Watching You All Day**

"Hey Aaron, it's Spencer, I'm good how are you doing?" I listened to him chatter for a minute about some guy he'd met with nipple piercings while I shut down my computer. My mom and Ben were off on one of their destination trips, so I had the house all to myself for the party. With the exception of my sister, who would most likely lock herself away in her bedroom. "You're still gonna work the door tonight right? Awesome, I owe you big. You know how I hate it when the underclassmen show up and pretend they were invited. Okay great, I better hop in the shower, see you at 9."

I hung up the phone and tossed it onto my bed, stripping my clothes off as I made my way to the shower. It was my favorite part about my room, the shower was huge and it was hooked up to my iPod with a sync system, so I could just call out any song that I wanted to hear. Or dance to, whatever I wanted really. The hot water felt good as it hit me in between my shoulder blades, soothing the stress that had gathered there. The Taylor situation had not become any better over the past couple of days; she and I were more awkward than that one time I caught her on the loveseat with Aaron after they both got so plastered they couldn't tell which gender was which.

"Play song Shine by The Morning Of." I called out over the rushing water. Soft piano filled my ears as I massaged the pineapple shampoo into my scalp. Before long I was singing along at the top of my lungs. "Never felt this way in my whole life! Never had this feeling before tonight! Can't you off my mind! Cuz you shine girl, oh you know you shine!"

I was getting really into it when I noticed my bathroom door slide open, and of course, my heart jumped into my throat. I watched a shadow move from outside my frosted glass door and felt all of the hair on the back of my neck raise up. Oh my god. I was going to die naked. In my shower singing songs about a girl. This was God's way of punishing me, I was sure of it. Silently I prepared to die as the shadow loomed closer.

"Hey Spencer! Can I borrow your straightener for a minute while you blow dry? Mine broke," Taylor's smooth voice filled my ears and I was instantly relieved. Almost relieved enough to plunge out of the shower and give her a huge hug. Then I remembered I was naked and that I had just been singing really loud. "Nice song by the way, I was listening to it on the way over."

"Play song Daybreaker by Beth Orton," I said through my tensed vocal chords to my shower who immediately obeyed. It was nice to have something uncomplicated in my bathroom at the moment. "And yeah you can. I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay."

I quickly finished washing my hair and shut the water off letting my body drip for a minute. Taylor was working on her hair in front my mirror when I stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my moist body. I ran my hand through my hair, breaking the wet pieces apart and smiled at her. "Hey."

"Hey." She didn't even look at me. Her ocean water eyes stayed trained on her reflection as she grabbed another piece of hair to straighten. Inside my heart sunk a little, I'd been expecting the weirdness to wear off at least a little bit. I suppose it had been too much to ask for, considering my actions had been beyond cowardly. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What's up?" I asked inwardly becoming a little hopeful.

"Would you mind if I brought someone tonight?" Taylor asked not even looking in my direction. "I know you hate it when underclassmen come, and she's a sophomore. I figured I'd better ask."

"Whatever you want." I answered coldly a few seconds later when the jealousy and anger that had bombarded my mind had dissipated enough for me to form sentences.

"Really? Whatever I want?" Taylor prodded with an edge to her voice. "Cool, I'll call and give her directions then."

It was too much for me to take and I dug my blow drier out of the bottom drawer of my bathroom cabinet. Snatching the cord up into my arms I stalked into my bedroom, trying not to cry and scream at the same time. I had been right, she didn't care about me. Not even a little bit. Two could play this game, I thought to myself as I pointed the hot air at my wet head. And it would be interesting, considering I invented this game.

There were way too many people in my house. I had invited the usual 75 and told them that it was alright to bring dates. It was a Valentines party after all. I'd figured that only half would be able to get dates, but I was wrong. Now there were over 100 people in my kitchen, living room and all other rooms. Kyla was upstairs in her room trying to study and I'm sure that was impossible with the racket from down below. Taylor was across the room from me, her tanned arm slung around the shoulders of some slutty sophomore girl who looked at her like she was a toasted meatball sub from subway. Every now and then she would lean in close to her, saying something that would make the poor brainless sex sack laugh. God, Taylor could have ended up with VD just from breathing that girl's air.

Finally, I'd had enough of watching them canoodle in the corner and I located Aiden, who was busy doing his third keg stand. Between the cheers and chugs I managed to drag my boyfriend away from the alcohol and onto the dance floor. The apparent drunkenness had loosened him up a little and I linked my arms around his neck as his muscular arms pulled me close to him. Her eyes were on me, I could feel them boring into us but I kept dancing. I let him kiss me on the neck, and I closed my eyes pretending to enjoy it. A few minutes later I felt him gather me into his arms, close to his body as the song switched to something slower. I made sure I could see Taylor over his shoulder and I was surprised to catch her staring at me. Not breaking eye contact, I kissed him on the mouth hard and pointed at Taylor with my free hand drawing a heart in the air and winking at her. Disgusted, she threw her arm off of the Human Petri Dish and stalked out of the room.

"Hey Spencer, you want to go up to your room?" Aiden slurred in my ear. His breath reeked of stale beer and breath mints; it made my stomach turn and shift dangerously. Pushing him away from me, I just glared at the perpetually stupid drunk boy. Once upon a time, we'd had something special. Now he was just a routine, and I was getting sick of the monotonousness of my daily life.

"No, it's my party and I need to stay down here with everyone. Maybe another night," I said trying to let him down easy.

"Spencer it's been a long time!" Aiden yelled just loud enough for everyone in the room to turn and look. I should have just walked away, but like an idiot, I stayed.

"Aiden keep your voice down! No one needs to know."

"Know what?! That we've had sex?! That we have a lot of sex? SPENCER AND I HAVE HAD SEX! AND IT WAS FUCKING GREAT!" Aiden roared. A few people laughed and my face burned red. "BUT my favorite thing is when she sucks my dick."

"Aiden Dennison, you say one more word and we're through. I have NEVER gone down on you. Even though you wanted me to. SO you just need to shut up. You're being drunk and stupid!" I yelled right back. Taylor had reappeared and stood by, her eyes wide. It was well known that Aiden and I never fought.

"Yeah well you're being a tease!" Aiden screamed tossing his beer up in the air. Unfortunately it landed right on my head, drenching my hair and my shirt. Silence prickled the air and for a moment I contemplated slapping him across the face. Instead, tears of shame and embarrassment slid down my cheeks. I rushed up the stairs and sought the solace of my bedroom. It was there where I lost myself in my tears. To say that it was all about Aiden would have been a lie. These tears had Taylor written all over them.

I went straight to my shower and thought about running to Kyla's room. No one would look for me there and she wouldn't ask questions. Though with the way I'd been acting, she might've thrown me out. I let the water pour over my alcohol laden hair and let the sobs out. My body shook and my breathing was ragged as I tried to regain control. Shutting the water off, I heard my bedroom door open and close and prayed that it wasn't Aiden. He and I were through as soon as he was sober enough to hear it.

"Spencer?" It was Taylor. I bit my lip and fought back the urge to say something. "Hey I know you're in here. Come out. It's bestie time."

"Shouldn't you be attending to Lolita down there?" I asked as I stepped into an old pair of pink striped boxers and threw my wet hair into a messy bun. My mascara had washed away in the shower and my face was free from the make up I usually wore.

"So Patrick punched Aiden in the face."

"What?!"

"Oh don't worry Aiden's fine. Patrick broke his hand though," She held out her hand and I took it, genuinely glad to have my best friend with me. "I gave him some of my pain killers and wrapped his hand up. We'll go to the doctor in the morning."

"I guess defending honor isn't always scratch free. Well, if I had any honor left to defend that is."

"Spencer, you know that you do. I know you do. And Patrick knows it. Everyone down there knew Aiden was out of line. So what do you want to do? Do you want to go back down or stay up here?" Was this a test? Was she testing me? She was, I knew she was.

"Do you think we could just stay up here and watch a movie on the flat screen?" I asked my gaze pointed at my carpet. "I can get you some boxers and a t-shirt while you get ready."

"Okay," She said with a blinding smile as she headed for the bathroom. I heard my sink turn on as she scrubbed away the makeup on her face. It was tradition when we watched movies in my room to get dressed down completely: hair up, makeup off, and old boxer shorts on. A moment later she emerged, without a stitch of makeup and my stomach jumped at the sight of her. Pushing down the butterflies I handed her the green striped boxers and tried not to look as she changed. I failed at that by the way.

"What do you want to watch?" Taylor asked after she was changed. I was about to answer when a knock on my door interrupted my thoughts. "Who is it?"

"It's the emergency movie night cavalry! I have snacks and sodas. Better let me in, these pills made me woozy." I laughed at Patrick's slur and opened my door, letting him slip in. His arms were full with a bowl of popcorn and three cans of 7-Up.

"Hey Spencer should we invite Kyla?" Taylor asked. A lump rose in my throat and I fought the biting remark off of the tip of my tongue. It wasn't that I was opposed to inviting her, I just wanted to be alone with Taylor. And odds were, if I picked the right movie, Patrick would pass out.

"Nah not tonight," I walked over to my bookcase and pulled out the Encyclopedia L, opening it and plucking the D.E.B.S. DVD out. I slid the DVD into the player and grinned as I heard the cheesy music. Taylor looked quizzically at me for a minute and settled onto the floor behind Patrick who laid lazily on her legs sipping his 7-up. Sitting down next to her, I jumped a bit when our hands brushed together. It didn't seem to faze her though. The movie was only thirty minutes in when Patrick started snoring.

"Please don't smoke. Tell her not to smoke!" Janet said when the DEBS found themselves trapped in the bank vault. I chuckled and Taylor grinned.

"I love Janet," I said. "I think she's my favorite."

"Spencer can we talk?" Taylor suddenly asked. I didn't answer verbally; I just nodded as butterflies filled my stomach. "The other day. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things to you."

"I deserved it."

"No Spencer, no. You never ever deserve to be treated without respect. I could have acted way more mature than I did and I just--"

"Taylor. I don't even know why you like me. I don't have anything left to give you. I'm so used. Aiden made sure everyone knew that tonight." I said with tears brimming at my eyes. She looked at me, her blue eyes shining with their own tears.

"Do you realize who you're talking to?" Taylor laughed bitterly, a few tears escaping down her cheeks. "I couldn't even kiss you because I think you deserve more. More than me. If anyone is used I am. I thought that if I could be with people, that I could get you out of my head. But Spencer you are not used. You will always be beautiful to me. You're the only reason I go to school everyday. It's you. I've always wanted you and now, it's too late."

"It's never too late." I whispered putting my hand over the top of hers. For a moment I was struck at the corniness of what I'd just said. I've obviously had way too much exposure to the WB teen soap line up. My face began to heat up and the back of my neck was burning. Her name slipped to the tip of my tongue. "Taylor."

"Yeah?" Our faces were moving closer together now. All I could see were her lips. Her tongue raked across them and I gripped her hand a little harder. I closed our distance and brushed her cheek with my lips. Her skin was as soft as cotton and smelled like my face wash. My lips moved on to her other cheek and then onto her closed eyelids. "Spencer."

"Yeah?"

"Please kiss me." Her voice was deep and honest. How it managed to cut me like a knife, I'll never know but it did. I felt my heart for the first time in years, beating as hard as it could.

"As you wish." And with those words I took one last look at my life before it changed forever. Her lips were softer than I could have imagined and the kiss was one of the lightest that I'd ever given anyone. I tentatively pulled back and saw her smile, which made my heart thump even harder than before. The second time our lips met I grazed her top lip first and then moved onto her bottom lip. Her bottom lip was fuller than her top and took all of my will power not to bite down. Instead, I continued giving her feather light kisses. She sighed and touched my face with her free hand, sending goose bumps down my arm. Timidly, I slipped my tongue into her open mouth. Taylor met me there going slowly and I savored her minty essence. Suddenly Patrick stirred and we broke apart, breathing hard. But instead of running away, I just smiled and kept holding onto her hand.


	20. Karma

**Chapter 19: Karma**

TrojansNotNeeded: hey i heard you were offering free sex for chocolate brownies  
adhasnovds: what what with the what what  
TrojansNotNeeded: i'm kidding  
adhasnovds: i should hope so...because i think i'd remember offering such a thing  
adhasnovds: so how's the "i'm definitely not gay [but i'm so in denial it's insane]" deb tonight?  
TrojansNotNeeded: i kissed her.  
adhasnovds: shut up  
adhasnovds: details! now!  
TrojansNotNeeded: well you know i had that valentines party at my house  
TrojansNotNeeded: and Addison got really drunk and started acting like a complete fool.  
adhasnovds: a week early yes  
TrojansNotNeeded: well anyway he started telling people everything we'd even done sexually.  
TrojansNotNeeded: and i got really upset and went to my room, pretty much crying my eyes out  
adhasnovds: shall i castrate him for you?  
TrojansNotNeeded: no its okay, i think we're pretty much done  
adhasnovds: hmm...for the best maybe  
adhasnovds: anyway, back to the girl on girl  
TrojansNotNeeded: thanks for making it sound so girls gone wild  
adhasnovds: haha ok i'm sorry  
adhasnovds: back to the most amazing experience you've ever had  
TrojansNotNeeded: and before you ask i wasnt drunk and neither was she  
adhasnovds: good, because otherwise it wouldn't have counted and i'd make you do it again  
TrojansNotNeeded: haha anyway she just came upstairs and sat with me until i was ready to talk. and she said the sweetest things  
TrojansNotNeeded: like no matter what happened with addison that i was still just as beautiful and just as precious, she sees me in this way that i never believed anyone could.  
adhasnovds: wow. she's had a lot of practice hasn't she...  
TrojansNotNeeded: what?  
adhasnovds: nothing. uh. go on with the story tellin  
TrojansNotNeeded: you think she's using me?  
adhasnovds: i didn't say that...just keep going ok? please?  
TrojansNotNeeded: anyway we just decided to put on a movie and I showed her my secret stash.  
TrojansNotNeeded: we ended up watching Imagine Me and You with Parker, who made his way upstairs after the Addison thing  
adhasnovds: lame. why does he always ruin girl time  
TrojansNotNeeded: he fell asleep  
TrojansNotNeeded: and Taycen and I started talking and she asked me if I remembered the club night  
adhasnovds: are you sure he was asleep?  
TrojansNotNeeded: yes, I've known him forever. his toes twitch. it's disgusting.  
adhasnovds: ew...  
TrojansNotNeeded: god you have trust issues.  
adhasnovds: i'm sorry ok? i just didn't want him to overhear something not meant for his ears  
adhasnovds: boys gossip just as much as girls do you know  
adhasnovds: drunk or sober. your boy toy is a prime example  
TrojansNotNeeded: he's my friend.  
TrojansNotNeeded: anyway then i told her i did and i kissed her  
adhasnovds: just like that?  
TrojansNotNeeded: well i would give you more details but you keep interrupting me with your cynical wit charlie brown.  
adhasnovds: would you like me to shut up?  
TrojansNotNeeded: no cuz its your turn to talk  
adhasnovds: about  
TrojansNotNeeded: cindy  
TrojansNotNeeded: how is it going  
adhasnovds: good...can't complain  
TrojansNotNeeded: just good?  
TrojansNotNeeded: i hope you feel what i feel when i kiss taycen. damn. i never knew a kiss could feel like that!  
adhasnovds: well it's still new ya know. we're still getting to know each other  
adhasnovds: feel like what?  
TrojansNotNeeded: like im on fire.  
adhasnovds: hmm...interesting  
TrojansNotNeeded: what  
TrojansNotNeeded: god why do you always have to bite my moment!  
TrojansNotNeeded: how does it taste  
adhasnovds: delicious :-)  
TrojansNotNeeded: asshole.  
adhasnovds: aww you know just what to say to take a girl's breath away bradshaw  
adhasnovds: i swoon in your presence  
TrojansNotNeeded: im new to this, i guess the whole fire feelin is old for you by now  
adhasnovds: i've actually...never had the fire feeling  
TrojansNotNeeded: have you kissed boys.. maybe you arent gay!  
TrojansNotNeeded: lol  
adhasnovds: oh trust me, i'm gay  
TrojansNotNeeded: i just feel like im going to lose control every single time we kiss.  
adhasnovds: you mean you want to sleep with her?!  
TrojansNotNeeded: well kind of, i dont know. i never felt this way about addison, like i just wanted to rip his clothes off.  
adhasnovds: oh..well um. don't you think it's kind of soon?  
TrojansNotNeeded: you slept with cindy before you were even together.  
adhasnovds: that's different  
TrojansNotNeeded: you'd known her what two days  
TrojansNotNeeded: ive known taycen for years.  
TrojansNotNeeded: a little double standard dont you think  
adhasnovds: what i did and what you want to do are completely different bradshaw  
TrojansNotNeeded: why  
TrojansNotNeeded: cuz what you did only involved sex and no feelings.  
adhasnovds: because you don't know what was going through my mind that night...  
TrojansNotNeeded: enlighten me.  
adhasnovds: you wouldn't understand  
TrojansNotNeeded: fine.  
TrojansNotNeeded: you are so annoying.  
adhasnovds: you love it  
TrojansNotNeeded: whatever.  
TrojansNotNeeded has signed off.


	21. Introducing

**Chapter 20: Introducing...**

User: TrojansNotNeeded  
Date: 2/14/08  
Mood: Content

Hello my beautiful friends. One week ago, I had the most miraculous experience. If it is any indication of how the rest of my life is going to feel, I say bring life on. Seriously, I feel as if I've been sleeping my entire life and have just woken up. Realizing that I liked girls was one thing but actually acting on that feeling, oh my god the rush. THE RUSH! Did I mention that I broke up with mancandy? Ahem, more like obliterated his heart after he made a fool out of me in front everyone at my party!

But anyway moving on, I have to keep this short because Taycen is coming over. Oh yeah, did I mention that she's kind of like my… secret girlfriend? It's so much fun, it's like… living life as a superhero. At school I'm like Clark Kent, seemingly innocent popular student, the moment I get home I rip off my suit and I'm SuperLez! Not really but, you get the picture.

----------------

_**One Week Prior**_

"Aiden, we need to talk." His brows were knitted together and I could tell that he had a headache. That would make this harder. I hadn't even expected to break up with him over what had happened the night before but Taylor's kiss had killed any shred of feeling I had left for him. "You were really out of line last night."

"Yeah, I know. Spencer I am-"

"Save it." I interrupted holding my hand up and cutting him off. Anger broiled under the surface of my skin as I remembered his words. I felt like that guy Ted from Heroes, who was like a human bomb, I was ready to explode. "You think that an apology is going to make what you said or did right? I bet you don't even remember."

"That's not true," Aiden said. "I didn't even mean those things I said."

"Isn't that just too bad for you?" We were standing in the foyer of King High, the noise around us was muted as my voice rose to a higher volume. "I guess I should tell you that I mean what I say."

"When you say what?" Aiden asked trying to reach for my hand. It was enough to make me snap, if I'd been Ted King High would have been gone right at that very moment, I slapped him across the face hard.

"Don't you dare touch me. I mean what I say when I say that we're through. Done. When I say that I was going to break up with you before today and that I wish I had! When I say that you never satisfied me in any way possible! When I say that if you ever speak to me again, the entire school will know why you have a receipt from Sweden on your account bill!"

"That pump was a gag gift!" Aiden hissed at me clutching his face where I'd slapped him. "Spencer don't do this."

"Don't do what?"

"Don't walk away from this. Don't walk away from what we have!" He was pleading now, almost pathetically, for me to stay with him. I watched him, horrified as he dropped to one knee.

"What are you doing?" I asked as a crowd began to gather around us. "Get up Aiden, you're bordering on pathetic psychosis now."

"Spencer Carlin," He said as he dug in his backpack and retrieved a teal velvet box. Oh god, oh no. No no no. "I am the stupidest man on the planet and I don't deserve you in any form or fashion. But I am asking you, no I'm begging you to give me a second chance. Let me make it up to you, for the rest of our lives."

"Who carries an engagement ring around in their backpack?!"

"I was planning on asking you for Valentines Day," He started to explain. The crowd had become obnoxiously large and I felt my face heating up with a bright blush. Dammit, now I really was going to be Ted.

"Um." It was all I could muster in front of a crowd who patiently awaited my answer. Pushing my hair back with my fingers, I bit my bottom lip and arrived at my answer. "Okay."

"Really?!" He hopped up excitedly and I smiled.

"No. Not really Aiden." I slapped him again across the face, this time harder than the first. The smacking sound my hand made as it connected with his freshly shaved cheek was more than satisfying. I walked away from him, pushing through the crowd and could hear the laughing begin.

"Dude Dennison got served!"

"I never thought we would get rid of Captain V Card." Taylor said sending her notebook flying into one of my black beanbags. I glanced at my watch and saw that it was almost eight o clock.

It was the following Monday, Mom had swept me away during the weekend for an impromptu shopping trip to San Francisco and I'd just gotten back around noon. Taylor and Patrick had arrived after school with my makeup work. I couldn't help the goofy grin that split my face when I saw her on my doorstep; thankfully a weekend of overanalyzing hadn't discouraged my crush. From the look on her face when she arrived, the time apart hadn't discouraged her either. A few hours into our homework, Patrick excused himself back to his house to take care of his Chihuahua which was apparently in some kind of gastric distress.

"Why are you assaulting my bean bag chairs?" I asked kicking her lightly in the ribs as I stretched my hands up to the ceiling.

"They had it coming!" I couldn't ignore the fact that her eyes were focused on the inch of exposed skin that my risen hands had unearthed. Her cheeks flushed when she caught me looking and she glanced away, finding the poster of the Plain White T's on my wall very interesting at that moment. I walked over to retrieve her notebook and grabbed a beanbag chair on my way back to her.

"Time for beanbag revenge!" I raised it above my head and began to pummel her with it. She squealed and tried to squirm away from my beanbag offensive. Her strong hands found my bare ankles and pulled my feet out from underneath me, sending me crashing down on top of the beanbag which exploded into millions of Styrofoam pieces. I gathered a handful of Styrofoam and threw it bitterly at her. "You killed it!"

"You started it," she said pulling on my ankles and sliding me across the carpet slowly. "Now it's time for a little revenge of my own."

"Oh yeah?" Nervousness crept into the pit of my stomach as my imagination ran away with what would happen next. "What kind of revenge?"

"Oh it's going to be torture." She said with a grin as she tossed her bangs out of her face. Letting go of my ankles she leaned over my body and buried her hands under my t-shirt. The tickling began immediately and I squealed at her to stop. It was unbearable, I was more ticklish on my ribs than anywhere else.

"Please stop. Please I'll do anything!"

"Is that so?" She asked. I found my hands pinned to the ground above my head, very aware of the fact that she was much stronger than I was. "Anything?"

"Well anything but kiss you," I said wrinkling my nose. "Talk about disgusting."

"I'm glad we agree on that, I thought I was going to throw up on you last week when you kissed me. Have you ever been to a doctor to get that Halitosis checked out?" Taylor asked a glint of playfulness darting in her bright blue eyes.

"Seriously?"

"God, you're so easy to mess with sometimes. No, like I told you before: you Spencer Carlin are perfect. You're an amazing kisser and fortunately for me do not have Halitosis." She climbed off of me and held out her hands to pull me up.

"So, the kiss was good then?" I asked shyly avoiding her gaze. Suddenly, I felt her grab my shoulders and a minute later I was thrown up against my door, causing a loud sound that no doubt echoed down the hallway.

"Remind me." My mouth went dry and I felt my heart begin to pound like a jackhammer in my chest. Taking her hand, I led her away from the door and sat down on the edge of my bed. She smiled and my thumping heart skipped a beat. I knew what was coming, I'd been there before, I'd dreamt about it all weekend.

"Before I do, I need to know. That you're serious about this. That you're serious about me and you, cuz I know how you operat--"

"Spencer. I am. I want to be with you and only you. I know you just broke up with Aiden, so I understand if you need time. I'll wait, and I'm not interested in anyone else." That was all I needed to know and I timidly pressed my lips to hers enjoying the warmth that spread from the back of my neck to the tips of my toes. A sharp knock on my door shattered our moment and we leapt apart.

"Hey Spencer?" It was Kyla, I would know that bashful charming voice anywhere. "Are you okay? I heard a crash."

"Yeah we're alright, Taylor's ego exploded. We all knew it would happen someday," I called out ignoring the death glare I got in return.

"Okay well let me know if you need Hazmat called in, or Mulder or Scully…" I heard her walk back down the hallway and looked over at Taylor who had a bemused expression on her face.

"So where were we?" She asked pulling me closer to her and smiling as our ribcages touched. "About here, wouldn't you say?"

"No I think it was more," I answered lowering my face to hers capturing her bottom lip giving it a quick nibble. "Here."


	22. Nicest Kids in Town

**Chapter 21: Nicest Kids In Town**

TrojansNotNeeded: its official. she hates me.  
adhasnovds: she does not  
TrojansNotNeeded: everytime she looks at me its like bam! daggers.  
TrojansNotNeeded: if she could like ray zap me with her eyes, she totally would.  
adhasnovds: you don't know that bradshaw  
TrojansNotNeeded: i actually want to talk to you about my step sister  
TrojansNotNeeded: do you have a minute  
adhasnovds: for you?  
adhasnovds: i have a lifetime  
TrojansNotNeeded: aw you're sweet.  
adhasnovds: as sugar ;-)  
TrojansNotNeeded: so... i did something horrible  
TrojansNotNeeded: and now all i can think about  
TrojansNotNeeded: is taking it back  
TrojansNotNeeded: do you mind if we dont talk about what it was, it makes me sick to even recount it. but..  
TrojansNotNeeded: on a scale from one to ten, its like a forty  
adhasnovds: *sigh* amy what am i going to do with you  
TrojansNotNeeded: i knew it was wrong but taycen was upset and she said that my sister was to blame and for a moment all i saw was red.  
adhasnovds: i get that, i do. i'm the same way with K.  
TrojansNotNeeded: its like you crave vengeance or something  
TrojansNotNeeded: right?  
adhasnovds: indeed  
TrojansNotNeeded: even though it probably won't even make you feel better, you do it anyway  
adhasnovds: oh yes. because at the time it feels right  
TrojansNotNeeded: so now i feel horrible. and i dont know what to do. its like years and years and years of hating her just suddenly exploded into this one moment where i made such a huge mistake.  
adhasnovds: why do you hate her?  
TrojansNotNeeded: its complicated.  
adhasnovds: try me  
TrojansNotNeeded: when i was seven her dad and my mom got married  
TrojansNotNeeded: and like, i hate her dad. he will never be my dad and because her dad lived here in Cali my mom moved us out here away from my Dad. I never get to see him.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i miss him. i miss him so much.  
adhasnovds: :-( i'm sorry amy  
TrojansNotNeeded: but i guess its just that i kind of blame her too  
TrojansNotNeeded: because shes a part of his family  
adhasnovds: but she didn't have anything to do with it  
TrojansNotNeeded: but its her dad!  
adhasnovds: i realize that amy, but listen ok? she's not her father. she didn't get with your mom. she didn't ask her to move out here  
TrojansNotNeeded: *sigh*  
TrojansNotNeeded: i know  
TrojansNotNeeded: but  
TrojansNotNeeded: everytime i see her face, i see everything i've lost  
adhasnovds: have you ever talked with your mother about this? or have you at least tried to?  
TrojansNotNeeded: you know regina?  
TrojansNotNeeded: that's my mom. times eighty.  
TrojansNotNeeded: thousand  
TrojansNotNeeded: million  
TrojansNotNeeded: billion  
adhasnovds: eighty thousand million billion huh?  
TrojansNotNeeded: i can't talk to that woman about anything.  
adhasnovds: why not  
TrojansNotNeeded: because she's too busy for her own child.  
TrojansNotNeeded: she's never home and when she is, she's always talking about med school.  
adhasnovds: slash her tires  
TrojansNotNeeded: what do i do about my sister  
adhasnovds: stop blaming her for things she didn't do to you  
adhasnovds: don't take out your anger or frustration for your step dad on her. she doesn't deserve it  
TrojansNotNeeded: okay  
TrojansNotNeeded: i have another thing to tell you  
TrojansNotNeeded: i haven't slept with Taycen, it's been a week.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i just wanted you to know. and we're together now, secretly, but we're together.  
adhasnovds: oh  
adhasnovds: what about your boyfriend?  
TrojansNotNeeded: he's not my boyfriend anymore  
TrojansNotNeeded: we broke up  
adhasnovds: so you end it with him and just jump right into a relationship with taycen?  
TrojansNotNeeded: well thats what she and i both wanted... why wait?  
adhasnovds: well..i mean are you sure?  
TrojansNotNeeded: well yeah, i mean i really like her a lot.  
TrojansNotNeeded: speaking of like.. how are things with cindy? got big valentines plans?  
adhasnovds: ugh...  
TrojansNotNeeded: lol what?  
adhasnovds: i honestly hate this holiday and i understand why guys do too  
adhasnovds: i didn't have anything planned until...two days ago  
TrojansNotNeeded: so what's your plan?  
adhasnovds: attempt to cook her dinner and a night of old movies and maybe a little...you know.  
adhasnovds: you and taycen have any plans?  
TrojansNotNeeded: thats so weird. the same thing, except we're watching mean girls  
adhasnovds: you're gonna sleep with her?!  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh no!  
TrojansNotNeeded: everything but that  
TrojansNotNeeded: lol  
adhasnovds: oh...  
TrojansNotNeeded: no i have no plans on that, she actually said that we shouldn't.  
adhasnovds: she said that?  
adhasnovds: wait. did you find another taycen or something?  
TrojansNotNeeded: i know right? who knew she could be this amazing. but maybe all she needed was a chance to finally show me.  
TrojansNotNeeded: just like my sister deserves a real sister out of me.  
adhasnovds: seriously. be nicer to her. who knows, maybe her friend will come around  
TrojansNotNeeded: yeah i think i actually might have a little bit of a thing for her friend.  
TrojansNotNeeded: haha  
TrojansNotNeeded: i keep dreaming about her.  
adhasnovds: oh really?  
adhasnovds: same dream?  
TrojansNotNeeded: not exactly  
adhasnovds: do tell, doooo tell  
TrojansNotNeeded: we're at school, and I can tell she's been crying. I can feel the tears on my face as well. And for some reason, I just walk over and tell her that I'm sorry and then I kiss her.  
TrojansNotNeeded: Really kiss her.  
adhasnovds: wow  
TrojansNotNeeded: right?  
adhasnovds: anything else?  
TrojansNotNeeded: nope  
TrojansNotNeeded: just a kiss  
TrojansNotNeeded: but it was a great kiss  
adhasnovds: oh really? hmm  
adhasnovds: even better than taycen?  
TrojansNotNeeded: for some reason, its better than breathing. it's like being on top of a cloud and flying through the sky at warp speed. I don't know how to describe it, it just moves me in a way that no one else does.  
adhasnovds: which kiss?  
TrojansNotNeeded: the one with my sister's friend  
adhasnovds: i see…  
TrojansNotNeeded: but i gotta go get ready, plus i think my sister's friend is coming over soon  
TrojansNotNeeded: better be outta the house before she tries to crucify me.  
adhasnovds: yeah, i'd best be on my way too. many things to do before tonight.  
TrojansNotNeeded: thanks so much for the advice about my sister... you're really such a great friend.  
adhasnovds: *shrugs* it's nothin... i'm sorry for freaking out the other night by the way.  
TrojansNotNeeded: it's okay. we all have our off nights. night janet!  
adhasnovds: night amy


	23. Beethoven's 5th

**Chapter 22: Beethoven's Fifth**

February 14, 2008  
Time: 3:49 PM  
Mood: Vengeful  
Username: adhasnovds

Ashley Davies' Private Entry:

I only have two words…

Revenge. Tonight.

---

Kyla came over the other day to help me plan out my Valentines date for Syd. She was all excited that Cal had finally asked her out. I wish I could say I had something to do with it, but then I'd just be taking credit for someone else's work.

I'm definitely not one to plagiarize.

I did tell her that I grilled him before he asked her though, she wasn't too happy. But that contagious smile of hers came out a few seconds later as she tried to get me to spill about his super secret plans.

I rarely lie to her, and when I say rarely I mean there's a damn good reason why I'm not telling her the truth.

Thankfully he wouldn't budge in telling me what was set up, so I had a clean conscience. She didn't believe me of course. Oh well, what are you gonna do?

I told Kyla my ideas and she shook her head to each of them. She said they were way too extravagant and would probably scare the poor girl off. I guess a hot air balloon ride followed by a moonlit picnic on the beach surrounded by an assortment of candles and flower petals was a bit much…

What can I say? I'm a die hard romantic. But I guess that was more along the lines of like, a marriage proposal or something.

She helped me scale it down from epic proportions and I agreed that her idea was much better suited. It would be quite a test for me, but I had faith. There was always the back up plan anyway.

After a while we ended up on the subject of her home life, per the norm really. She couldn't exactly talk about it on the phone, Spencer and her Idiot Brigade were always around.

Apparently Spencer and her BGFE (best girlfriend ever, *gag*) had been acting weird ever since their stupid party the other night. Kyla, unfortunately, was locked in her room all night trying to study for an upcoming test that we had. She didn't get much accomplished though, thanks to all the noise from downstairs.

"Yeah, her 'oh so perfect' boyfriend was being incredibly obnoxious. I couldn't make out what he was saying, but it was enough to make her stomp up the stairs and slam her door shut," Kyla said while she lay on my bed on her stomach, as she carelessly flipped through the newest issue of Wired. "I was actually tempted to go in there and see if she was ok, but a little while later I heard the door open and close again. I figured another member went to check on her or something."

I clicked submit on Sydney's present order and turned back around, "You're way too nice Ky."

"She's been acting really weird Ash. Like, whatever happened in that room that night changed…something."

Now I'd always thought Spencer was weird, as she did of me. There was always a great deal of contempt; it was nice to know that it was mutual. Otherwise I might have felt bad…

Might have being the operative words.

"She's always been wei-"

"No Ash, like…even more so than your 'normal' standard for her. She's really jumpy and stuff whenever Gretchen is over, and they spend a lot more time in her room."

I loved that even Kyla referred to them with their Mean Girl names. But ok, so she was right, that was a bit more than weird, even for Spencer standards. I thought back to the picture message Cal sent me. Could she be…

"Maybe they're hooking up," I shrugged. I hadn't let Kyla in on the dirty dancing her sister had been doing; it was best I kept that to myself. She wouldn't let me do anything to avenge her for the diary incident if she knew.

"Pft, HA! You realize we're talking about Spencer, right? She hasn't got a gay bone in her body; not even bi-curious," she snorted.

She could be pretty naïve sometimes, but she did have some good gaydar. Maybe Spencer wasn't doing extracurricular activities with her bff, but it wouldn't hurt just to make sure. I stole a glance at the new flash storage camera sitting on my desk. I'd yet to try it out, this seemed like the perfect opportunity.

"Yeah, you're probably right," I said placating her. "The day your sister is gay is the day I say I'm in love with her."

I added an eye roll in for further effect and she snorted again. Little did she know the wheels were already turning in my head, and a devious little plot had already begun to unfold.

"So Damien, you gonna help me get ready for my big Valentine's date?" she asked me sweetly. I hoped she would ask; it would give me the perfect opportunity to set my plan into motion.

I grinned at her; both because she made it that much easier for me, and because I was truly excited for her, "It would be my pleasure."

That's what led me here.

I've never actually been in her room before. I've never actually seen the inside of it until now either. Her door is always shut. Such a friendly little bitch she is…

It doesn't smell too terrible in there. I'm surprised when I wasn't bombarded by twenty different nasty smelling perfumes. You know that effect I'm talking about. Just go to any big department store like Boston Store or something and walk through the Fragrance section, you'll vomit in no time and have the taste stuck in your mouth for a good hour afterward.

I'm shocked again at the band posters on her wall. She has pretty good music taste, I have to give her that. Even though it hurts to admit it. A part of me wants there to be a Dreamstreet poster or something of the sort, but alas. Doesn't mean there isn't other physical evidence of such things. Hello, CD collection?

She has a large one; three bookshelves packed to the breaking point of different cases spanning different genres and eras. I would take time to look through all of them, but Kyla's notoriously fast in the shower. Spencer'll be home soon too, and if she caught me in here everything would be ruined.

I scan the room quickly, looking for the best vantage point for the camera and spot some bookshelves attached to the wall above her desk. They were pointed directly at the bed; it was like God himself telling me that this had to be done.

The sound of the shower turning off startles me into moving at warp speed. I shift a few books and nic nacs, not so much that she would notice, but enough to fit the camera.

I changed out the regular batteries and put in some super charged ones before I came, and the memory card I put in has plenty of storage space on it for hours of recording. I don't want to miss out on anything that might happen.

I push the record button and step back from the lens and smirk, "Payback's a bitch isn't it queen bee?"

I snuck back to Kyla's room just as she opened the bathroom door. The front door slammed closed a minute later, and the high-pitched squealing let us know the President and Vice President of the Idiot Brigade were back. We just rolled our eyes and started getting ready.

***

At 5:59 Kyla was pacing the front foyer while I leaned against the family room archway. There wasn't really anything I could say to calm her down, so I just let her have her freak out.

Dumb and Dumbest stumbled in from the kitchen, giggling about God knows what. We exchanged death glares until they set their sights on Kyla. It was easy to see they were shocked at how good she looked; they weren't used to seeing her all dressed up.

"Hey Spencer, look at your sister," Taylor said as she looked Kyla up and down. "Someone went all She's All That on her ass and gave her a makeover."

I clenched my jaw and bounced myself off the archway to stand in front of her, "Wow, I didn't know STD's could walk or talk."

She set her hands on her hips and cocked an eyebrow at me, "That's funny; I wonder when you'll get tired of picking up my leftovers. Or did Sydney not tell you?"

No fucking way. She had to be messing with me. There was no way she-

"Hey guys, let's not. Taylor just be mature for once. Come on. We don't need a huge smack down." Spencer interrupted, uncharacteristically trying to be peacekeeper.

How dare she disrupt my inner musings…

"Who the hell was talking to you queen bee?" I snapped. What? I hate when my inner musings get interrupted…

"Ash, please. Not tonight." Kyla groaned.

I did feel bad; this was _her_ big night. I shouldn't ruin it with a throw down with her sister. But damn it, it needs to be done. No one else was going to put them in their place.

"Taylor, come on let's just go. Kyla you look really pretty, by the way."

Hmm…where have I heard that before? Oh yes, from the original Regina George. And we all remember how truthful her compliments are.

"Uh...thanks Spencer?" Kyla was just stunned that her stepsister just complimented her without being sarcastic.

I didn't trust it though; I didn't trust her. Something was off. It was like she was abducted by pod people or something.

The doorbell rang and Kyla squeaked. I had to stifle a laugh; she was cute when she was nervous. If she weren't like my sister I'd hit on her.

She opened the door to a nicely cleaned up Cal. He was cute in that nerdy way. Adam Brody-ish and all. The thick-rimmed glasses he normally wore were replaced with very thin, chic frames. Actually, they kind of reminded me of Sebastian's from Cruel Intentions. They made his green eyes sparkle and his features softer.

His slightly curly, light brown hair was neatly groomed. And if my nose was working correctly, I think he was wearing cologne.

He had on a black pinstriped button up shirt with a white t-shirt underneath. Khaki pants and black dress shoes completed his ensemble.

The smile he had on his face when he saw her lit up the room.

"Wow," they said at the same time.

"You look," Cal started.

"Great," Kyla finished.

They stared at each other for a short while with stupid smiles on their faces until he realized they were on a tight schedule that night.

"So, uh, should we go?"

Kyla nodded shyly and took his extended hand.

"I don't want her home any later than midnight, got it bub?" I told him in jest. "No keeping her out all hours of the night sexin her up!"

I got them both to blush at that, but Kyla sent me a look that said 'I'm gonna kill you tomorrow'. Woops.

The door shut softly behind them as they left and I stared at it for a little while. A feeling of…pride I guess washed over me. And a small smile played on my lips. I heard a faint whisper come from Spencer who was still behind me.

"He was cute. In a nerdy way."

I rolled my eyes for what was probably the billionth time in my life and turned back around.

"Why do you have to give her so much shit at school, but act like a normal human here?"

Spencer gaped at me incredulously, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me!"

Her face contorted in anger, "Did someone tell you you were allowed to stay at my house when your free pass is gone? Cuz she just walked out, I suggest you do the same."

"You know what Spencer, one day you're going to get what's coming to you. You're going to know what it feels like to get made fun of, talked about constantly. And no one is gonna be able to do a damn thing about it," I said through gritted teeth.

"That sounded like a threat, Davies. Too bad you can't deliver, but I guess Sydney already found that one out," the Gretchen clone said with a smug look plastered on her face. "I'll be upstairs Spencer, come up when you're done dumping the trash on the curb."

Oh what I wouldn't do to just knock her the hell out one time.

I glared at her as she climbed the stairs, "Keep fucking talking Kline, you really want that picture to get out don't you?"

She didn't stop; she just shook her head and chuckled. I was astonished at my ability to stay downstairs and keep my anger somewhat in line.

"No she doesn't, and neither do I."

She'd said it in such a soft and vulnerable voice that I almost felt bad for having even brought it up.

Almost.

I looked at her, in those cerulean blue eyes of hers; eyes that maybe, if she were a different person, I could get lost in. There was a hint of sadness in them, and something else. Something she was keeping hidden from everyone.

"Keep your bulldog in check then, Carlin."

And then those cerulean blue eyes changed, so quickly they changed, to ice.

"She isn't a dog. God, you know you say you hate us because we judge people. You don't even know us! You're just as bad as me."

"At least I can admit my faults. God forbid you ever admit to doing anything wrong, right queen bee? God forbid you look anything less than fucking perfect."

"Do you want me to prove to you that I don't have to be perfect Ashley?"

"Oh would you? Please?"

I don't even know why I was fighting so hard with her; it was really pointless. But I just couldn't stop. I had to do this, every fiber of my being was telling me to.

"I'm far from perfect. I'm a person just like you are. I get scared and I get hurt just as easily. But I can hide it away behind make up and clothes that I think are perfect. But inside," she sighed softly. "I'm terrified that for a second someone is going to see who I am and not like me. God, I'm just a kid. And I screw up."

Her eyes and her voice held that vulnerability again. Either she was being serious and actually bearing her soul, or she was a damn good actress. I went with the latter. This is Spencer Carlin we're talking about; she doesn't have a soul to bear. And if she did, she sure as hell wouldn't be doing it in front of me.

"Cry me a fucking river. I have to go spend Valentine's with my girlfriend. If you or your little bitch give Kyla anymore shit, for any reason, that picture will be plastered all over the school."

"Maybe I don't even care if it is," she said while she dropped her head, almost seeming defeated. "I know that I haven't treated you or Kyla right in the past, but I am honestly sorry. And I want to try to make it up to her and to you," she looked me in the eye and ran a hand through her blonde locks. "I want a chance to at least be nice to you without you going all Carrie and killing me at prom or something. It's hard for you to see, but I'm changing and I'm not the person I was."

I looked at her for a little while and attempted to read her. I couldn't though; I couldn't get a read on her. She had her walls up, so in natural fashion I had to knock them down. Or at least try to.

"I don't what your game is, but I'm not falling for it. As far as I can see, you're still the same cold hearted bitch that you've always been."

She sighed again, "If that is who you want me to be to you, then I can arrange that. But I won't be treating my sister that way anymore. And no one I know will be treating her badly either. But if my wrath is what you want..."

There was no malice in her voice when she spoke, but my body acted of its own accord and I found myself nose to nose with the queen bee herself. Again.

"Bring it on," I challenged through clenched teeth.

Her breathing had sped up, probably in fear that I'd haul off and smack her or something.

"You have five seconds to get out of my face," she said in a half whisper.

I might've been hallucinating, but I could've sworn I saw her eyes flicker down to my lips. Just for a split second.

"What?" I started to walk backwards to the door. "Scared you're going to catch gay? Jesus Christ." I turned and reached for the knob and started to turn it.

"I am gay. How about that?" she spat. A few seconds later she continued, "You know what? Go fuck yourself Davies, I'll see ya later."

I heard her run up the stairs and slam her door shut. My eyes were glued to the front door. Did she really just say what I think she did?

I glanced to my left to a collage frame of pictures that hung on the wall. I picked out Spencer in a more recent trip they'd gone on and locked eyes with her.

I shook my head after a long pause. I had no time for straight girls and their head games. I had a date to get ready for.


	24. Sometimes I Wish She Was You

**Chapter 23: Sometimes I Wish She was You**

User: TrojansNotNeeded  
Date: 2/14/08  
Mood: Content

Hello my beautiful friends. One week ago, I had the most miraculous experience. If it is any indication of how the rest of my life is going to feel, I say bring life on. Seriously, I feel as if I've been sleeping my entire life and have just woken up. Realizing that I liked girls was one thing but actually acting on that feeling, oh my god the rush. THE RUSH! Did I mention that I broke up with mancandy? Ahem, more like obliterated his heart after he made a fool out of me in front everyone at my party!

But anyway moving on, I have to keep this short because Taylor is coming over. Oh yeah, did I mention that she's kind of like my… secret girlfriend? It's so much fun, it's like… living life as a superhero. At school I'm like Clark Kent, seemingly innocent popular student, the moment I get home I rip off my suit and I'm SuperLez! Not really but, you get the picture.

***

I shut my laptop lid just when I heard the footsteps hit my stairs. What a week it had been: stolen kisses behind closed doors, secret smiles hidden beneath heavy lidded eyes, and of course there were the text messages. Every now and then my phone would buzz in class with the declaration of I miss you or you're so beautiful. Aiden had already said these things to me before, but now it was different.

The blood in my veins pumped furiously as I read each one, my heart pounding loudly as I carefully saved each one in my inbox. The moment I heard the footsteps on the stairs, I knew Taylor was on her way up to my room and grinned when she tried to open the door and found it locked.

"Spencer? Are you inside the batcave?" Her voice called from outside the door, the door handle rattling as she tried to turn it. "Why is your door locked? Are you in there eating German chocolate cake again, because you know what coconut does to your cheeks Miss Chipmunk 2008."

"Because you have to say the secret thundercats password before I can let you in." I could just see her in my mind, rolling her eyes at me as she tried to remember. I looked around my room, which I had cleaned and beamed when I saw the simple arrangement of lilies and the card in front of my bed. Dashing around the room, I lit the candles on my bookshelves and flicked off the lights.

"The secret password is: Hit Me Baby One More Time." I laughed when I heard her say it, remembering a time back when we had been younger and dancing in this very room to the very song that became our super secret password.

"Permission to enter." I unlocked the door and opened it a crack, standing behind it silently. I saw her shadow move into the darkened room in front of me and silently closed the door and locked it behind her. Reaching up, I put my hands over her eyes and kissed her neck lightly. "What do you think? Too much for Valentines Day?"

She didn't answer me and removed my hands from her eyes. Noticing that her hair seemed different, I ran my fingers through the curls. She smelled different too, just like cinnamon and vanilla; the combination was mouth watering to say the least. I kissed her neck again, this time biting down and grinning when I heard her quick intake of breath. No longer able to take the separation of our lips I spun her around and was surprised to find dark chocolate eyes looking back at me.

"Ashley?"

"Spencer. I want you so bad. You want me too. I know you do." The kiss was so gentle I barely even knew her lips were on mine but heat surged through my body as my pulse quickened. Burying my hands in her dark curls, I pressed my body into hers. We melted into each other as our kiss deepened, her tongue tracing the outline of my lips.

"Spencer. Spencer. Spencer. Oh my god. Spencer. SPENCER!"

"SPENCER!" I snapped out of my daydream and looked around my room. There were no flowers, no candles and no Ashley Davies anywhere. My mother's voice shrieked through the intercom next to my door and I dragged myself out of bed to the top of the stairs.

"What?"

"Come downstairs for a minute. I want to speak to you about something." Her voice, as always, was very formal and cold. Groaning, I tromped down the stairs and grabbed the keys to my car on the way.

"I'd love to, but I have to go pick up Taylor. We're celebrating Valentines day together."

"That's what we need to talk about." The door was fifteen feet away and I had to get past her to escape. My mother stood there, with her perfect hair and makeup, daring me to walk by. Instead I stopped and placed my hands on my hips.

"What's up?"

"Sweetheart, don't you think this break with Aiden has gone on long enough?"

"Unless the world is going to explode in two point five… no." She pouted at me and suddenly I realized why I irritated other people when I did that. My mother was queen of the pouting face and at that moment I vowed to abdicate from being princess.

"You've been spending so much time with Taylor lately, I don't think it's good for you."

"Why?"

"You know why sweetheart, she's different. I mean after what she did on my loveseat," I cringed internally at the mention of the loveseat. "I'm just saying that maybe you shouldn't spend as much time together."

"How about this mom?" I started toward the door with my back turned on her. "You keep on living your life just like you always do. Go on your trips and ignore me because that's what you do best. The parenting thing, it doesn't suit you. Your Chanel pant suits fit better on your ass than you trying to be a parent."

"Spencer Carlin, you come back here."

"Or you'll what? Do nothing? Go to a party with Ben and pretend to be a perfect family? I shudder and quake mother."

I slammed the door on my way out and slid into my Mustang. One of the few things that I was grateful to my mother for, my black convertible GT Mustang was my favorite part about going anywhere. Like my room it was hooked up with a sync system and the pulsating drum beats of The Almost filled the small space as I roared toward Taylor's house.

She was waiting outside when I pulled into her driveway and I leaned over to open the passenger side door for her. Dropping into the black leather passenger seat, she leaned over and kissed me lightly making me smile.

"Hey are you okay?"

"Yeah just an argument with Satan, you know how she can be." Taylor nodded and leaned back into the seat, grabbing my hand and squeezing. Somehow, it just didn't feel right today. Between the fight with my mom and the strange daydream I'd had about Ashley Davies, it was all I could do not to throw her hand off of the top of my own. We drove to my house in silence and before I could get out of my car, Taylor stopped me.

"Wait." I froze and looked at her, perplexed as to why she was making me stay in the car. "I can tell you're tense, so I'm going to do this early."

"Do what? You know you don't have to do anything…" I trailed off as she placed her finger on my lips, pulling me out of the car and I watched as she stood in front of me.

"Hey Spencer you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind! Hey Spencer! Hey hey hey Spencer!" Placing my hand over my mouth, I stifled a laugh as she danced around me shaking invisible pom poms. "Oh Spencceerrrr can't stand your step team squad, but I love your pom pomssss I'd feed you bon bons all night!!! Cuz you're just what I need, and you're just what I need. Not everything works as it seems is that so hard to believe?!" The pom poms were replaced with an air guitar and I inwardly I grinned. Taylor was a terrible singer. "You're sexy. You're cute. You're popular to boot. You're bitchin, great hair the boys all love to stare! You're wanted, you're hot. You're everything they'r-"

"Okay Torrance, let's go inside," We were still laughing when we slipped in the door and up to my room.

I noticed that Ashley's convertible mini cooper was parked outside on the curb and I wondered why she never parked in the driveway. Probably for a quick escape to the fortress of dorkitude or something. Making our way up to my room, we shut and locked the door.

***

_After Ashley left..._

"She is such a bitch!" I felt Taylor's hands slide under my shirt and begin to massage my knotted muscles. The anger began to ease out my body and my hands unclenched; I could feel my palms stinging uncomfortably and tried to push the pain out of my mind.

"I know. They should have shock collars for people like her."

"The kind that knock you out and make you incapable of human speech or thought. It wouldn't matter whether or not it affected her heart since she doesn't have one!"

Taylor kissed my ear and my temple, wrapping her arms tightly around my body. Easing into her embrace, I felt a single tear slip from my eye and cascade down my cheek. I'd thought that by being honest with her like Janet had told me to do, Ashley would see that I was trying to change. But all she saw was my past and it was pretty clear that she would never see the person I was trying to be now. I couldn't understand why that thought was so upsetting to me; we hadn't been friends and she'd never even caught my attention before the dreams began. But it mattered to me now and as I cried into Taylor's shoulder, I felt the guilt and anger begin to form an equation that yielded a dangerous feeling of recklessness.

I let my fingers hook into her belt loops and placed a kiss on her moist collarbone. Her skin tasted salty from my tears and moved to the left a little, kissing the next inch of her skin. As my lips moved on to new skin, I felt her hands glide down my body coming to rest on the small of my back. Arriving at her face, I placed a series of small kisses along the edge of her jaw bone and nipped gently at her chin. Taylor's eyes were closed but I could feel her body tensing underneath my wandering hands, which were currently located on her hips.

Now her lips were on my neck and I felt butterflies invade my stomach as her breath tickled its way to my ear lobe. Fingertips grazed the skin below my breasts, and I gasped, unaware that her hands had moved from my back. The touch was tentative and without thinking, I placed her hand on my chest, unable to stop my sharp intake of breath.

"Is this okay?" She asked resting her head on my collarbone, placing a delicate kiss in the hollow of my neck. "We should-"

I wasn't in the mood for talking and had my mouth on top of hers instantly. Over the past week, we'd kissed a lot but this was different. The kiss rough and hard, not soft or sensitive like the others we'd shared. The insistence behind my touches and kisses urged her onwards; Taylor lifted my shirt over my head, kneeling down to kiss the bare flesh of my ribcage. Goosebumps rose all over my skin as she nipped at my soft skin and I blinked hard as a wave of desire rushed through my body.

"Taylor?" My voice was low and throatier than usual, no doubt a side effect of the onslaught of kisses my body was receiving. Judging by the sensual glare reflected in her blue eyes, Taylor was just as turned on as I was. The kisses stopped right away and she looked at me with concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine, I just. I need you to do something for me. Well two things."

"Anything."

"First of all, if I ever get bitten by Werewolf, make sure to tie me up when a full moon is out. Just so that I don't go all Oz on you and cheat with another Wolfy babe." She laughed and pressed a softer than air kiss to my belly button. Running my fingers through her hair, I lifted her eyes to meet mine. Her lips were swollen and I traced the outline of her mouth with my thumb; the strawberry blonde girl kneeling in front of me smiled shyly up into my eyes.

"Second…"

"Tell me."

"Make love to me's a good-" I cut her off with another kiss, one which left us both gasping for air.

"I need you. I want you so badly, please I'm ready." She struggled for a minute, but as she turned those blue eyes to meet mine, I knew that I'd won out. I'll never forget those moments, the moment when time stood still as she led me by the hand to my bed.

The moment when her eyes observed my body with not only hunger but respect and love, offered in that moment to her alone or the moment when I knew that no man would ever truly satisfy me as her knee slid between my thighs causing a sharp moan to escape from my lips.

I would never forget the sweet promises of protection whispered in my ear and the constant reassurance that I would always be beautiful to her. But above all, I will never forget the moment when my mind slipped away.

The moment when I imagined being in her arms instead of Taylor's.


	25. Rollin With The Homies

**Chapter 24: Rollin With The Homies**

February 15, 2008  
Time: 6:34 AM  
Mood: Frantic  
Username: adhasnovds

Thank God that's over. Now I realize why so many people hate February 14. It's the worst damn day of the year. Worst day ever!

Don't get me wrong; spending time with my girlfriend is great. But getting into fights prior to seeing her doesn't exactly help my mood be all cheerful and lovey. Though I have to say, having the entire Bitch Battalion out of the house helped greatly.

I ended up cooking her dinner; lasagna, salad, and chocolate fondue. I may have taken a bit of aggression out on the lettuce and carrots though…woops.

We ate in front of the TV while we watched Casablanca. It was decent, but I wouldn't put it up there in my top list of movies. It's her favorite though, so I sat through it and held her when she decided to snuggle closer to me. Can't say I minded that part. ;-)

After the movie we exchanged presents. I'd gotten her several DVDs that she didn't have yet; all black and white ones that she'd mentioned. She got me a top that she thought I'd look good in, one for the clubs. She also got me an adorable stuffed bear.

We actually ended up talking all night rather than partaking in…other activities. It was great getting to know more about her. She told me about her family, her college plans, and her favorites. I told her stories from when I was a kid, and how I got interested in film.

She just left a little while ago. Gosh she's great.

I need to get ready for school though. Man that's gonna suck. But as a friend once told me, "Sleep is for the weak!"

I'll be out like a light by second period. *shrugs* I'm weak, it's ok.

So that entry was bullshit. Not entirely, but a good portion. The night did start off fine and I did cook her dinner. We watched that god awful movie and she did snuggle into me. There was this nagging in the back of my head though, the entire time.

I called Kyla a little bit ago; she's on her way over. At least one of us got some sleep last night.

Cal was a good boy and got her home at 11:59.

My window was opened a little bit so I easily heard the put-put-puttering of Kyla's vespa. I raced down the stairs and opened the door before she could ring the doorbell and dragged her into the kitchen.

"Well good morning to you too sunshine," she said as I plopped her down on one of the chairs.

Since I'd been up all night I figured I'd just make her breakfast. It was the least I could do for getting her up so early and making her come over here. I saw her eyes go wide at the assortment of muffins and also the omelet I was dishing up.

"Aw honey, you baked."

I had to crack a smile at that, Clueless always made me happy.

"I tried," I said with a faux pout as I set the egg dish in front of her.

She thanked me and dove right in. I'd become quite the master of the kitchen over the years. I had to; otherwise I would've starved. God knows my stepmother didn't cook, and her daughters' brain power combined couldn't power a blender.

I sat down across from her and nursed a cup of coffee. A contemplative look settled on my face and my knee bounced up and down rapidly. Last night was definitely not as peachy and I'd painted it to be in that blog.

I started tapping my fingers against the table; it was another nervous habit of mine. Kyla hated it.

"Ashley."

I crossed my legs in an attempt to stop the knee bouncing, but it only served to make my foot start shaking instead.

"Ashley."

It thumped rapidly against the leg of the table while I took another sip of my coffee.

"Ashley!"

I snapped out of my daze and looked at a bemused Kyla, "Huh?"

"What is up with you today? I haven't seen you like this in years," concern laced her voice as she put her hand on top of mine.

I bit my lip and set my gaze on the tree in the backyard. I didn't know how to go about this conversation. She didn't exactly know everything that'd been going on with me; i.e. whom I'd been talking to.

"Ash, did something happen last night? Did Spencer or-"

"No Ky," I cut her off. I knew what she was going to say. "Well, I mean yeah there was a bit of a throw down between me and the bitchiest half of the Idiot Brigade, but it's not that. Not entirely anyway."

She stood up quickly from her chair, almost causing it to fall over, "What did they say? Do I need to perform a Cruciatus spell?"

I chuckled lightly as I watched her dig through her purse while she searched for her beloved wand. Sometimes I was surprised that she didn't just tape it to her body, but I would never mention it to her. She'd probably do it.

"Maybe some other time," I sighed and returned my gaze back out the window.

Kyla sat back down and looked intently at me. She knew something happened, something big in fact. I didn't have to tell her that for her to be able to just look at me and know something was amiss.

"Ash, talk to me. What happened after I left?"

I took another sip of my coffee and just stared into the blackness, "You know why Gretchen Weiners' hair is so big?"

"Yeah, because it's full of secrets."

"Well, she let one out of the bag last night. I thought maybe she'd just said it to get to me, I mean she's done it before ya know? I tried to put it out of my mind, but then Syd came over and…"

"Wait, I'm confused. What does Sydney have to do with any of this?"

I looked up to her curious brown eyes, "She's Gretchen's ex."

"Shut up!"

"Yeah. I didn't want to believe it and I was doing good at ignoring it for a while, then when we were on the couch watching a movie and she leaned into me I had to ask her."

"How did they even meet? Sydney doesn't even go to our school," Kyla asked as she went to get some juice.

"Same way we met I guess," I shrugged.

"So what, you found out and got in a fight about it?"

"Well yeah, I mean, she tried to lie about it at first. But then she got this…look on her face. One that said 'I should totally call her soon' or something," I could see she was about to interrupt me so I continued. "And don't even say that I was just being paranoid after what happened with Kelly. I saw the look. I know the look. And then there's the fact that she and Gretchen slept together and that makes her tainted Ky. Tainted! But the worst part is, is that I slept with her which is like me indirectly sleeping with Gretchen and…and that makes me tainted in a way! God I feel like I need to be vaccinated."

She looked at me sympathetically, "Are you guys done?"

"I dunno," I shrugged again. "We said some pretty nasty things to each other and stuff. So I'm gonna guess yeah. Plus the fact that I told her to get her 'lyin, yella, no good, foreflushin carcass out my door'."

That cracked her up.

"Oh Ash, you didn't go Home Alone on her," she was close to snorting I'm sure, but she sobered herself. "I should not be laughing. I should not, not, not be laughing. But only you would break up with someone that way."

I smirked; she had a point. It was pretty funny…

"I can't say I'm not sorry. I liked her, I did. You know I did Ky. But the fact that it was because of Gretchen that we broke up makes me kind of sick," I said faking a gag.

"Yeah, it's like you…owe her or something," Kyla shivered after she said that. "Ew, I can just imagine what her repayment plan would be. God, why is Spencer friends with that?"

"Ky, there's something else," I let out a shaky breath. It probably wouldn't be a big deal to her, but she could be unpredictable at times.

She had that look of concern back in her eye, "What? What is it?"

I got up and walked over to the sink and leaned on it, my back to her.

"There's someone else."

"What do you mean there's someone else?"

"You remember that girl I weighed the pros and cons with you about emailing back?" I started, turning back around so she could see me, but I kept my head down. "I've been IM-ing with her since then and…"

Kyla got up and walked over to me and brushed some loose bangs out of my face, "And what Damien? Come on, you know you can tell me anything. Don't make me take you to the back building."

I smiled despite myself, "The back building burned down in 1987."

"Yes, well when I perfect my time machine I'll be sure to take you back there!" she chuckled. When I didn't say anything still she sighed and tried again, "Ash…come on. What is it?"

I swallowed hard and looked her dead in the eye, "I think…I think I like her. In a major way."


	26. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

**Chapter 25: Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen**

TrojansNotNeeded: how do you know when you're in love?  
adhasnovds: uh  
adhasnovds: well  
adhasnovds: i dunno  
adhasnovds: i've never been  
TrojansNotNeeded: you must be getting there with cindy though... i read your entry about valentines and how well it went.  
adhasnovds: uh...yeah. it was great. you have a good one with what's her name?  
TrojansNotNeeded: Taycen. and yes it was fantastic. except for my sister's evil friend trying to positively ruin my night.  
adhasnovds: how'd she do that  
TrojansNotNeeded: she was just an asshole as usual. but i tried the whole being nice to my sister, she and i are supposed to have lunch tomorrow just the two of us  
adhasnovds: well that's good. i'm proud that you tried  
TrojansNotNeeded: thank you thank you.  
TrojansNotNeeded: anyway i have something to confess  
TrojansNotNeeded: i know that we haven't been together long but.. on valentines night, taycen and i got a little carried away. i was really emotional after a huge fight and then...  
adhasnovds: oh god  
adhasnovds: amy...  
TrojansNotNeeded: i know! i shouldn't have. but i mean she was really gentle and sweet and made it hot......  
adhasnovds: please. spare me the details  
TrojansNotNeeded: i thought you would be happy for me  
adhasnovds: it just makes no sense  
adhasnovds: when you get in a fight with someone the hot sex is usually...with that person!  
TrojansNotNeeded: you have no idea how much she hates me though and taycen was there and well.. we both agreed that we took it too fast and we won't be having sex again for a while.. but... damn it was fantastic.  
adhasnovds: that's...great... i'm so damn happy you lost your virginity when you weren't ready  
TrojansNotNeeded: um. hey. not a virgin. and what is with the hostility?  
adhasnovds: you were still a virgin to being with a girl. and i'm not being hostile...  
TrojansNotNeeded: you so are.  
adhasnovds: i am not!  
adhasnovds: i'm just pissed that taycen couldn't have fucking stopped it  
adhasnovds: she's the experienced one. she should've known better  
TrojansNotNeeded: god. sometimes i just want to wring your neck. everytime i make progress with her, you blame her for it. maybe i initiated it. maybe i wanted her.  
TrojansNotNeeded: what is wrong with you?!  
adhasnovds: nothing. i have to go.  
TrojansNotNeeded: no you don't.  
adhasnovds: ok fine, i want to go  
TrojansNotNeeded: why?!  
adhasnovds: because i can't have this conversation with you!  
TrojansNotNeeded: WHY?!  
TrojansNotNeeded: we're friends!  
TrojansNotNeeded: you were my first friend, you helped me figure all of this out!  
adhasnovds: my night with cindy was nothing like i wrote about  
TrojansNotNeeded: what? what does that have to do with anything?  
TrojansNotNeeded: and why would you lie?  
adhasnovds: because i didn't want you to know. i wanted...ugh  
adhasnovds: gretchen said some things that were bugging the shit out of me  
adhasnovds: they had to do with cindy  
adhasnovds: so i confronted her, we got in a huge fight...  
adhasnovds: but even if gretchen hadn't said anything, i still wouldn't have been able to enjoy the night with her  
TrojansNotNeeded: i'm so sorry. here you are, all broken up and im bragging about finally having sex. no wonder you were upset, im sorry.  
adhasnovds: god will shut the hell up about having sex?!  
TrojansNotNeeded: okay. fine. god.  
adhasnovds: do you know why i couldn't enjoy my night with her regardless of what gretchen said?  
adhasnovds: do you know why i've had these apparent jealous attacks concerning you?  
adhasnovds: do you know why i don't want to hear about your fucking amazing time on valentines day?!  
TrojansNotNeeded: because you dont want me to get hurt, i get that. you're protective.  
adhasnovds: NO!  
adhasnovds: well, i mean yeah...  
adhasnovds: but NO!  
TrojansNotNeeded: then what the fuck is your problem?!  
adhasnovds: i was thinking about YOU all fucking night!  
adhasnovds: i wanted it to be you there! in my arms, cuddling into me while we watched some lame movie together  
TrojansNotNeeded: what  
TrojansNotNeeded: no  
TrojansNotNeeded: you  
TrojansNotNeeded: no  
adhasnovds: i think...  
TrojansNotNeeded: no  
TrojansNotNeeded: don't  
adhasnovds: amy  
TrojansNotNeeded: NO!  
adhasnovds: i think I like you... like…like you like you  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh my god this unbelievable.  
TrojansNotNeeded: you tell me this NOW?!  
adhasnovds: when the hell was i supposed to tell you?!  
TrojansNotNeeded: WHEN I LIKED YOU STUPID!  
adhasnovds: you what?  
TrojansNotNeeded: Yes. I LIKED YOU!  
TrojansNotNeeded: when you were going after cindy it was killing me because I LIKED YOU  
adhasnovds: fuck me...  
TrojansNotNeeded: WHAT?!  
adhasnovds: not literally, god  
TrojansNotNeeded: well i mean, hello you said the words.  
adhasnovds: well it was more in the sense of god damn it this is so fucked up  
TrojansNotNeeded: god this is so dawson's creek.  
adhasnovds: seriously  
TrojansNotNeeded: you were with cindy and i liked you. then i get over you and im with taycen. and you like me.  
adhasnovds: you got over me?  
TrojansNotNeeded: well no. not really but in a way i moved on to the next best thing  
adhasnovds: amy  
TrojansNotNeeded: what  
adhasnovds: you deserve the best  
TrojansNotNeeded: well thats not you.  
adhasnovds: how do you know  
TrojansNotNeeded: you cant just tell me this now. you cant expect me to drop everything to be with you. YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME!  
adhasnovds: don't you feel it?  
TrojansNotNeeded: feel what?  
adhasnovds: that...thing  
adhasnovds: that thing that's telling me that we were supposed to meet  
adhasnovds: that thing that's making this harder than it should be  
TrojansNotNeeded: i'm with taycen.  
adhasnovds: you didn't answer my question  
adhasnovds: can you honestly tell me your heart doesn't skip a beat when we talk?  
adhasnovds: your stomach doesn't do flip flops when you happen to think of me, for whatever reason  
TrojansNotNeeded: it does but it does the same thing when i think about her  
TrojansNotNeeded: and when i think about my sister's friend!  
TrojansNotNeeded: im all screwed up inside right now  
adhasnovds: i don't know what to do  
TrojansNotNeeded: i cant hurt her  
TrojansNotNeeded: she has done nothing  
TrojansNotNeeded: to deserve it  
adhasnovds: only let you go too far when you weren't in the right frame of mind to be doing it...  
TrojansNotNeeded: i love her.  
TrojansNotNeeded: or i think i do  
TrojansNotNeeded: but it doesnt matter you should have told me!  
adhasnovds: well i'm sorry. it takes me a little while to realize such things!  
adhasnovds: this is a bit more complex than, "wow, you're hot. wanna get jiggy on the dance floor?"  
TrojansNotNeeded: yeah i suppose your relationship with cindy was a little less than complex right  
adhasnovds: i told you that i wasn't in the right frame of mind that night  
TrojansNotNeeded: so where does that leave us  
TrojansNotNeeded: what do you want me to do  
adhasnovds: well i can't exactly ask you to dump her...  
adhasnovds: and i can't tell you to follow your heart, because it seems it doesn't know what it wants  
TrojansNotNeeded: i want you but it scares me because I don't even know you.  
adhasnovds: don't fucking say that  
TrojansNotNeeded: say what?!  
adhasnovds: that you want me when you're not going to do anything about it!  
TrojansNotNeeded: you were too late!  
adhasnovds: how was i supposed to know you were going to sleep with her?!  
TrojansNotNeeded: why does it always come back to that?!  
TrojansNotNeeded: what does it even matter that i slept with her? what does it matter that the entire time i was with her i thought of you?!  
adhasnovds: uh...  
TrojansNotNeeded: it doesn't dammit, it doesn't matter!  
adhasnovds: amy say what?  
TrojansNotNeeded: don't you pull hannah montana on me!  
adhasnovds: well...sorry  
adhasnovds: how can you say you love her when you were thinking of me while you were with her  
TrojansNotNeeded: i just thought of what you would say  
TrojansNotNeeded: i dont know what that means  
adhasnovds: and what did you think i would say  
TrojansNotNeeded: i figured you would be disappointed  
adhasnovds: and yet you did it anyway...  
adhasnovds: well guess what bradshaw  
TrojansNotNeeded: what  
adhasnovds: you were right  
adhasnovds: but not only did you disappoint me, i think you just broke my heart.  
TrojansNotNeeded: well now you know how i felt when you were with cindy  
TrojansNotNeeded: you don't like me  
TrojansNotNeeded: how could you like me? you don't even know my name.  
adhasnovds: wait a minute  
adhasnovds: how am i getting all the blame for this  
adhasnovds: you didn't tell me you liked me either!  
adhasnovds: you knew first! you could've said something!  
TrojansNotNeeded: what is your real name  
adhasnovds: what's yours  
TrojansNotNeeded: i asked you first  
adhasnovds: i'm older, so you have to tell me  
TrojansNotNeeded: on three..?  
adhasnovds: one  
TrojansNotNeeded: two  
adhasnovds: three  
TrojansNotNeeded has signed off


	27. Encore

**A/N: **You may or may not recognize the blog entry. I paraphrased the Aiden promo they used for Season 3 way back when...

* * *

**Chapter 26: Encore**

February 21, 2008  
Time: 9:18 PM  
Mood: Perplexed  
Username: adhasnovds

Girls are crazy, I mean seriously; it's official. I mean, they're just way too complicated.

One's a totally cute, but totally straight and strictly friend territory chick who's worried that she's going to mess up the relationship she's in and will never find anyone else. Thus leaving her alone with her 40 cats.

The other is an ex of a crazy ass, skeezy, nasty, slut faced, ho bagged wench. And judging by all the phone calls she's been giving me, she's a bit on the psychotic side herself. (I told you I was attracted to the crazies).

And then I have the one who can't seem to make up her mind about anything. Straight, gay. The other girl, me. Sister, no sister.

*sigh*

Ok I admit it, I'm a _little_ complicated too…

In a slightly larger sense of the word. But that's beside the point. I can handle my issues.

Why do we always want who we can't have, and always have who we don't really want?

…

Or is that just me?

---

It's been about a week since we shared our common confessions with one another; we haven't spoken since. I've seen her online here and there, she hasn't seen me though. I've taken to going invisible most of the time. On the off chance she signs in when I'm actually there though, I put up an away message immediately. I've wanted to talk to her so badly, but…I just can't. I don't even know what to say. I don't know if…ugh.

This is not fair. Ashley Davies does not feel like this about girls. She doesn't. I mean, I don't. I don't get this worked up, especially over a girl I barely know and one that can't make up her damn mind about what she wants. Or I suppose whom she wants.

Kyla and I haven't spent every waking minute together like we once did, but that's to be expected since she and Cal are official. I mean official official. They're adorable together; I can't and won't ever deny that. He's good for her, helps her break out of that shell she sometimes closes herself off in.

That's what brings me here. Or here again I guess I should say. Where I was a little over a week ago, that little black lens staring me in the face. Only this time I don't have the same smug look on my face. No, this time there was something else…fear maybe? I don't know why, there was no reason to be. Unless, of course, they found it before they got hot and heavy, which I'm certain they would have/will continue to if my suspicions proved true, and left me a little message. But something tells me, i.e. past showings, that they would've confronted me with it.

Kyla's in the shower getting ready for her night out with Cal and I'm in the pirate's cave, so to speak, retrieving the booty. Literally I'm sure. Gretchen, the horn dog she is, probably seduced Regina after I took off in record time.

I never really wanted it to come to this with her, I didn't. I mean sure I may have a very huge dislike (see: burning hatred) for the girl, but that doesn't mean I want to possibly ruin the rest of her high school career and make her home life hell. I'm not heartless like that.

I heard the unmistakable sound of an offensively loud car stereo with the bass too high. It wasn't shaking the house so I had some time yet, but not much. Plus, Kyla would be done in the shower in a matter of minutes.

Or so I thought.

The water shut off a few seconds after I had that thought; I really had to move fast.

Studies have shown that I get really jittery and accident prone when in a rush.

I reached up quickly and ended up knocking the shelf hard with the back of my hand, effectively shaking the thing enough to knock over the books and sending one crashing to the floor. Luckily Kyla had the music on loud enough to cover the noise.

"Fuck!"

That hurt.

I grabbed the camera from behind the makeshift cover I created and shoved it into my pocket. I looked at my hand quick and noticed it was already turning red; it would definitely bruise.

The sound of Kyla's towel being unfolded and snapped (she hated dryer lint) and the ever growing noise from the stereo spurred me back into action. I fixed the books that had remained on the shelf first, returning them to their exact locations so Spencer wouldn't notice. I did a quick check of her desk in case one of her doodads had fallen.

Blaring music and wall shaking beats were drawing nearer and the slamming of a drawer in the bathroom told me Kyla was just about done. I scrambled to the book on the floor, but stopped dead in my tracks, mouth agape at what had fallen out.

There, strewn about the floor, were several DVDs of the gay persuasion. The most noticeable one, the one that really shouldn't have stuck out but did for a very apparent reason, the one movie I wish hadn't been in there; D.E.B.S.

"Oh shit…"

I…no, this-this isn't happening. It was just a coincidence. That's it. Obviously straight girls would hide movies like that so they wouldn't get questioned about them and be put in an awkward situation. Yeah, and they all had hollowed out encyclopedias to store them in.

Sheer coincidence.

There was no way I was, had been, already have fallen for Spencer "Regina George" Carlin. No way, no how.

I didn't have time to dwell on _that_ though, so I gathered up the cases and piled them back into the book and slammed the cover shut. I was breathing pretty hard as it was, but that little discovery nearly caused cardiac arrest.

After putting the volume, ironically (or not so much so) being the L edition, back in it's rightful place I booked it back to Kyla's room, being sure to shut Spencer's door quietly enough that she wouldn't hear it.

I launched myself onto her bed and tried to calm my breathing when the door to the bathroom opened and the front door slammed shut.

Spencer was home. Shit.

I had one of two options presented to me. Option A: Be a good friend and help Kyla get ready for her date. Or Option B: Make up an excuse to get the fuck out of that house as fast as I could.

Toweling her hair dry, Kyla stepped into the room and smiled at me. That stupid, dimple enhancing, toothy grin of hers that, without her realizing it, could make me do anything; or just about. Obviously Option A was chosen for me.

"Thanks for coming over to help me, Ash. I know we haven't spent as much time together bu-"

"It's fine Ky," I assured her with a soft smile. And it was; she was happy, I was happy for her.

Loud clomps up the stairs caught her attention and she brightened up even more.

"Spencer must be home! I'm gonna go ask her something quick, be right back."

"Joy," I said sarcastically as she flounced out of the room.

***

Fifteen minutes later and I'm still on Kyla's bed, [not at all] absorbed in some magazine, stuck a few feet from Regina George herself. Apparently the question Kyla asked was to help her get ready. I can't say I didn't understand it; she wanted to be closer with Spencer, and Spencer seemed to be willing.

I reached over to the mini fridge next to the bed and grabbed a 7-Up and watched, stealthily, as Spencer worked her "magic" on Kyla's hair. She caught my eye in the mirror while she listened to the story Kyla was so animatedly telling her and I ducked my head back down and went back to the magazine.

I chanced a glance a few seconds later and she had a smirk plastered on that face of hers, her focus still on the mirror, in my direction. I don't know why she smirked…there was positively no reason for that. Nope, no reason whatsoever.

"So Spencer, where's Taylor?" Kyla asked, thankfully interrupting that little staring contest we had going on. "You two have been more inseparable lately than ever, it's kind of weird not seeing her here."

Eyes trained on her stepsister, where they belonged, Spencer replied, "Sometimes even conjoined twins need a break from each other, thankfully Taylor is detachable."

"Aw, lover's quarrel?" Kyla chuckled.

"What?" I squeaked, having just choked on my soda. She had to be joking, right? Kyla didn't know. Kyla laughed when I brought it up.

"Hardly, I just told her that I wanted to spend some time with you. She'll be here after you leave for your date."

"I see," she seemed to mull something over as Spencer finished pinning up her hair. "Is Patrick coming over too?"

"I'm not sure, he didn't exactly take to the news of Taylor and I very well." What? "He actually sort of went all Xander in a jealous 'I love Buffy' induced rage." Excuse me? Did I hear that correctly?

"Wait. Whoa. You and...and Taylor are really dating?"

She looked at me over her shoulder and tilted her head flippantly, "I told you I was gay."

Survey says: Yes, I did hear correctly.

"You told her before me?!"  
"I thought you were kidding!"

And apparently Kyla didn't take too kindly to such things either since we screamed at the same time. But I mean come on, this is Spencer we're talking about here. This is the same girl that has given me nothing but grief since I met her. How could I have known she was serious? And how could I have known she told Kyla? Not one word was breathed to me about that.

Spencer looked to her sister with an apologetic look and shrugged, "Well sort of. I was mad, I was trying to make a point."

I just sat there on the bed; the same bed that so many other secrets had been shared in, while I attempted to wrap my head around all the information that had been shoved in my face and crammed in my brain in the short time frame. It seemed like too much, I wanted to just go catatonic for a while.

"Cat got your tongue, Davies?" Spencer quipped.

"Uh...something like that..." I dumbly, or more numbly, answered.

"Spencer can I borrow that silver heart necklace of yours?"

Kyla was obviously over the fact that I'd found out first.

"Sure, do you want me to go get it?" she said as she looked at me strangely.

"No, it's ok I can."

Completely off in her own little world that one was. Date night meant nothing could get in the way of her good mood or the great night the couple had planned.

Spencer turned her attention back on the other brunette in the room, thank god, "Okay, I kind of bought you one." It was almost shy, but everyone knows that Spencer Carlin is anything but. "It's in the teal box next to the picture of Cameron Diaz and I, that one time I saw her at Starbucks."

"You did not," Kyla's eyes widened in disbelief. That would've been the first present ever given to her from Spencer.

Not once, on any holiday or birthday or even 'just because', had she ever gotten Kyla anything. Even when there was always a perfectly wrapped gift for her, with a tag that read 'To Spencer, Love Kyla', had there been any reciprocity. The calendars definitely had to be marked.

"I did."

"Spencer those are like...well I don't know how much they are, but they're really expensive!" Kyla reprimanded lightly. She was too ecstatic to really mean it.

"Hello," she lightly tapped Kyla's forehead, "Satan gave me plastic to make up for years of neglect, don't even worry about it."

Ah yes, Spencer's mother and Kyla's stepmother. I'd never really had a conversation with the woman, but word on the street was that she was a force to be reckoned with. Sure I'd been around the Carlin/Montaneo house for years, shared many a dinner with the folk (parents included), but Paula was never too welcoming. Except, of course, to Aaron Samuels, aka Aiden "I'm the maaaan" Dennison.

"I'm gonna go get it!" Kyla squealed as she jumped up and ran out of the room. She popped back in not even a second later and pointed at both of us, "Don't kill each other."

Smart girl. But damn it, she just had to leave me alone in the room with Spencer didn't she? Crap. Crap. Crap. How awkward. It wasn't fair to leave me alone in a room with her, especially now that I had a slightly clearer version of the picture that had begun to paint itself.

"You heard what she said, put your knives away, Davies."

"Huh?" I said distracted, desperate to look at anything but her. I had to remain calm though. She couldn't know anything was off.

"Articulate today aren't we?" she chuckled.

I avoided her eyes a little longer, as my foot tapped nervously against the side of the bed, the comforter being grasped tightly in my clammy hands. "Uh...ye-yeah."

Yeah, that was totally relaxed.

"Are you okay? Wait. Are you on crack?" she joked, but there was a bit of concern there as well. "You're being all shifty."

"What? Yeah, I'm fine." I let a small pause go and then I almost snapped my neck to look at her, "Why? What've you heard?"

"Well beside the rumor about you having sex with the guidance counselor on her desk?" she laughed. Wait, what was this? Were Spencer Carlin and I actually joking with each other? Being somewhat civil?

"I believe that was your girlfriend."

"That was the volleyball coach," she winked. "And to be honest, I don't know how much longer she'll be my girlfriend."

"Finally wised up huh? Took you long enough..."

She looked at me, affronted, "What's that supposed to mean? It doesn't have anything to do with Taylor. I just," she paused slightly and sighed, "there's this other girl. I don't know, it's really complicated and personally, I really don't think you care."

Ouch, that stung a bit.

I lowered my head and mumbled so she couldn't hear me, "You have no idea how much I actually do..."

"I'm sorry what?"

Damn it! Why the hell did she have the hearing of a freaking dog?

"N-nothing." Smooth, Davies. "I'm just saying, with her track record she's probably cheating on you right now. No off-well no, I can't really say that. I don't like the girl, so I'll be as offensive as I want." I smirked at her, but she had a crestfallen look on her face. "Why her anyway? You could do a lot better."

I really did want to know for several reasons, most I wouldn't admit to. But what was the attraction to Taylor? Honestly.

"She was there for me," she said softly, vulnerably. As if she suddenly realized whom she was talking to, who she'd just revealed such a personal thing to she stepped back into the Regina persona she carried herself in, "Besides, who else am I going to be with? You? Ha. Fat chance. Like you'd ever want to be with me."

She mumbled the last little bit in hopes that I wouldn't catch it, but unluckily for me my hearing was spot on. What was up with this chick?

"Uh. Um. In-in your dreams, Carlin." And how the hell did she make me so flustered? "You just wish you could be with someone as hot as me. Beneath this nerdy exterior lies a freaking goddess. I ooze sex appeal."

"Prove it, Davies," she snorted and leaned back against the vanity. "Oh wait, you have a girlfriend. Sorry, I totally forgot about Squidney."

I released my death grip on Kyla's bedspread, half wondering what was taking her so damn long to get a necklace, but more so wondering if I'd heard what I thought I had.

I stood up casually and crossed my arms in front of my chest, "Was that jealousy?"

She mirrored my posture and threw in a raised eyebrow, "Was that hope?"

Before she knew what was going on I was nose to nose with her, my hands rested on either side, effectively trapping her against the vanity.

"Do you want it to be?" I whispered.

Her breathing picked up and I swear I could hear her heart pound through her chest.

She licked her lips and her eyes fluttered down to mine for a short time, "Maybe."

I swallowed thickly and gazed into her deep blue eyes. I let my eyes travel down to her lips before I slowly brought them back up. I wasn't going to kiss her, not at all. But she was playing with me, and if she wanted to play hardball, I was game.

Our 'moment', if you could even call it that, was cut short by Kyla's abrupt appearance.

"Spencer it wasn't next to the picture of you and Cam-uh, what the hell?" she said as she walked through the door, futzing with the clasp of the necklace.

Spencer pushed me away, a bit roughly, "That's the last time you get in my face, Davies. Jesus stop trying to..." Come on. "Uh…" You can do it, come up with an excuse. "Beat me up." Slick.

"Please," I scoffed. "Kyla your sister was totally hitting on me."

Her eyes went wide as she looked from me over to the dumbfounded blonde that was still perched against her vanity. Her mouth opened and closed a few times. Apparently she does a great Flounder impression too. I had the urge to start singing Under the Sea.

"Was that the doorbell?" she said suddenly and ran out of the room. Halfway down the stairs she yelled back, "She flirted back!"

Kyla looked at me with an amused smirk. I rolled my eyes and scowled slightly.

"Don't you give me that look, you're gonna get it!" I yelled and chased her around the room as she screamed in fear of the impending lift off the ground.

***

_Several hours later…_

I stared blankly at my computer screen, not believing what I'd just watched. Really not wanting to think about it anymore, but unable to think or see anything else.

Several new insights about Spencer Carlin came from that video. Insights I wasn't sure that I wanted to know right now, or ever. But if I was telling myself the truth, I did want to know. I had to know. And I had to know more too. It wasn't a want, not at all. It was a need; a desperate one to know everything about her, but not having the fortitude to even attempt such a task.

I had no doubt now that she was the same girl, the same Deb I couldn't get out of my head.

There were decisions to be made; so many decisions and so many consequences that could come from them. So many different paths to choose, each with its own set of forks. It was a never-ending trail of choices, but the one thing that was common on all of them was the certain pain and heartbreak.

It shrouded the choices in a dark an ominous way.

Life sucked like that. It never let you look too far ahead, because it always had different plans for you anyway.

If I made the wrong choice now, I would be for shiz up the spout.

I sighed and took the memory card out of its slot on my laptop and put it in the protective case. I walked into my closet and went all the way to the back; my safe. I typed in the code and heard the click of the lock. Such a satisfying sound that was.

I placed the memory card inside, but before I could close the door a picture caught my eye. It wasn't of some celebrity and me, not really anyway. I stared at it for a little while, letting memories flood my brain before I slammed it shut. Effectively locking it away for another day.

There were other things that needed to be taken care of before I could deal with that.


	28. Tell Me That You Love Me More

**Chapter 27: Tell Me That You Love Me More**

February 23, 2008  
User: TrojansNotNeeded  
Time: 11:23 PM  
Mood: Torn Up

Damn you Jesse McCartney. Damn you and your lyrical ways of making me relate to every song!!! This is so stupid, like unbelievably stupid. How is it possible to feel like this? I should hate Taycen. In fact, I think I do. I'll get to that later. But the entire time I was talking to her, stupid Jesse McCartney (who has suddenly decided to be the newest Usher/Chris Brown clone) was echoing in my head. What is a freaking G5 anyway? I'll have to ask the step team. I would ask Taycen but she's not here. Hm, how convenient for her!

God lately, I've just been the definition of an idiot. Every decision I've tried to make has turned out to be the wrong one. I'm not with the girl I should be with, I'm listening to really lame music, and I caved on my no carb diet and managed to eat ten brownies today in record time. Those things are so gooey, sweet, melt in your mouth and almost better than an orgasm. Almost.

What do I even do with myself? My entire life is falling apart. I haven't spoken with Addison and although I don't miss him as a boyfriend, I do miss him as a friend. I miss Parker.

I managed to alienate everyone while I was having my collegiate lesbian fling a year early with Taycen.

And then there's Janet, I don't care if you read this because you should know by now that I care about you and GOD I WISH that I could go back and just be with you instead of HER! Let's fly on a fucking G5(is it a plane or a cocktail drug? God I don't even care!) or something, go anywhere but here. I'm so confused.

Do I even want to be with Taycen anymore?

Is love supposed to be this hard?

You guys probably have no idea what I'm babbling about, maybe I should clue you in.

My friend Janet, via the amazing Ourchart, revealed to me the other day that she had a thing for me. And like the complete and utter dumbass I am, didn't capitalize. I have had a crush on her from day one! I mean hello, she likes Wicked, enjoys the music I enjoy, loves to quote mean girls and is a DEBS freak like me. Perfect woman much? But no I had to fuck it up because I have girlfriend who likes to abandon people without so much as a goddamn word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Breathes* Sorry, I'm only a little bitter right now. I'm sure she has a good reason to be gone but really?!!!!! NOW?! She promised we were in this together. Guess she meant we and together as a reference to my multiple personalities.

Not only is there the problem with Janet, but my sister's (I'm going to stop saying step-sister because the way I see it, she's more family to me than my own mother.) stupid friend is now in the mix too. Her stupid beautiful eyes and smart ass mouth have got me all, as Howie would say, 'twisted up in the game' and I'm 'straight trippin boo'.

The other day we were all hanging out in my sister's room helping her get ready for her date. She and her new boy are so adorable by the way. Anyway, we ended up alone and I could have sworn she was kind of into me, because there was flirting and an almost kind of kiss.

So what do I do? I've turned into a total gay slut. I just wanna cover her friend in cheese whiz and spread her over a cracker! Okay I'll admit that was only a little wrong, but where would we be if we couldn't quote Bringing Down the House at a time like this?

So ourchart, what do I do? I have two proven gorgeous girls in front of me(one most likely a regulation hottie but due to internet circumstances I can't know for sure) and for the life of me, I can't figure out what the right choice is. I know that Taycen is pretty much out of the running by now, after what she pulled today but the other two have me torn up.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD JESSE MCCARTNEY!!! I'm trying to make up my mind okay, you aren't helping with your pressure filled lyrics.

---

_A few hours earlier_

I walked down the hall quietly and stood in front of my sister's door debating on whether or not to knock or just walk right in. The thought of seeing Ashley this early in the day convinced me to go ahead and knock, I wasn't quite ready for the scare of my life yet. I only knocked twice because after all, I've heard that knocking three times is bad luck.

"Kyla? Are you busy?" I called out softly, not wanting to wake her if she was taking a nap. After all, being friend with a beast like Ashley must be draining. I could hear the shuffling of papers behind the door and she coughed.

"Extremely." More shuffling and coughing. I dropped my hand and prepared to go back to my room with my thoughts.

"Oh okay, I'll just come back later then. Sorry."

"Spencer." Her voice was louder and I heard the snaps of a binder close. "I'm kidding. Come in."

"Oh." I opened the door and stepped in trying to mask the blush of embarrassment that adorned my powdered cheeks. It would be easier to cover with a joke. "Does my hair look blonder to you? It feels blonder to me."

She smiled at me, no one could pull off a more genuine smile than my sister. I still couldn't believe I'd overlooked her kindness all of these years just because I selfishly blamed her for something that wasn't her fault. "You've been hanging out with Taylor too much."

"Yeah well, you know what they say. Osmosis occurs when you're over exposed to something for too long. Do you think I'm turning into her?" I looked in her mirror and poked my cheek, horrified when my makeup became dented. I never wore too much, what was up with me today. Unless- "Oh god! I'm becoming a sponge of Taylor!" I flopped backward onto Kyla's bed, avoiding the stack of science papers in front of her crossed legs and sighed loudly. She readjusted the computer on her lap and rolled her eyes at me.

"Haha well, your IQ seems to be dropping, but your dramatics are definitely still intact."

"So what are you doing? Destroying someone's computer from afar?" I looked up at the Legolas poster on her ceiling, wondering how she slept with an elf staring at her all night.

"If only. Dad made me promise not to do that anymore since the blackout in New York. I was just posting on my message board. Can you believe someone actually said Doggett was hotter than Mulder?" She removed her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. Now to be fair to those who don't know or who would find it surprising to know that I know who she's speaking of, only Kyla knew of my secret X-files fetish and had loyally kept my secret.

"Seriously? That person is way disturbed. You don't get hotter than Mulder. Except for maybe Scully." Mmm, Scully.

"How did I never realize you were gay?" Kyla laughed putting her glasses back on and giving me an appraising look. I shrugged.

"I've been asking myself that same question, I can't believe I didn't know until now. I don't know. I suck at being gay that's why I'm here, I need to talk."

"Why so glum, chum?" My sister asked, punching me in the shoulder and giving me a goofy smile. The pencil behind her ear made her look extra scholarly and I rolled my eyes.

"I can't talk to Taylor because it's about us. And I can't talk to Ashley because she hates me. And I can't talk to Janet because she's been highly unreasonable." It all came out in one giant breath and Kyla looked a little over stimulated with information for a minute. However, she quickly regained her composure.

"Janet?"

"My internet friend." I explained cringing at how lame that sounded. Plus Janet was more than just some lame chat room friend.

"Spencer Carlin!" Kyla gasped dramatically. "You slut!"

"Gay slut," I corrected dejectedly. She looked worried and moved closer to me, rubbing my shoulder trying to comfort me.

"Come on, what's going on? This is what I'm here for. Advice and alien abduction protection."

"Okay. So, I'm with Taylor. And before I liked Taylor, I had a crush on Janet, who had a crush on some bar girl, who started taking up all of her time and then I got with Taylor but Janet said that she liked me and now I don't know what to do." Once again my information assault came in one long burst of a sentence said so fast I'm sure Kyla's head spun a little, I know mine did. But that was due to lack of oxygen after said super sentence.

"Whoa. Um. Ok...and did you tell Janet that you liked her?" Kyla rubbed her temples trying to process all of my drama.

"Well not right away. I was a little scared." I paused and pointed to myself. "Hello... I mean gay for the first time ever."

"Yeah, I know, but you're also Spencer Carlin. You're not shy about anything." She sounded almost as if she admired this fact about me, I immediately felt guilty for not being a better sister to her. If I'd managed get past my own bullshit, we could have been an unstoppable sister team. We could have been a powerhouse, like Carrie and Samantha or Max and Liz Evans or Dawson and Pacey or even Mulder and Scully!

For a moment I was distracted by a small dream fantasy involving Scully and then I was suddenly ripped back to reality as I realized I'd forgotten to mention one thing.

"Oh and not too mention the stupid dreams about Ashley."

"Uh, WHAT?" Her screech was loud enough to anger a squirrel in our front yard, it began yabbering up at her window but she ignored it and looked at me with huge brown eyes.

"Um well. What I meant was," I said trying to backpedal quickly. "Dreams about Ashley Judd."

"You dirty little liar! You're having dreams about my friend! Naughty dreams to boot. Spencer how could you not tell me this?!" I couldn't tell whether she was enraged, amused or both. I prayed for amused, enraged would definitely mean that she might tell Ashley.

"I am not dirty!" I said futilely waving my hands around. "And I thought the dreams would go away."

Kyla looked like an overloaded computer, her eyes were darting back and forth across the room and kept landing on me, getting really wide and then beginning their dartfest all over again. "Too much to process."

"I am such a slut."

"No you're not. Just because you're dating your best friend and having dreams about mine doesn't make you a slut. It makes you...well I'm not really sure what that makes you. A masochist maybe?"

"Ashley hates me. Doesn't she? Not that it matters, because I am not into her. My love boat has been filled to capacity." I blurted out before I could stop myself. I was curious as to how much the brunette, who spent so much of her free time in my daydreams, hated me. The smaller girl in front of me looked awkward for a minute as she stumbled for an answer.

"Ashley doesn't hate you, she just...has a very strong dislike for you."

"She tried to kiss me!" I blurted once again. This blurting was becoming a problem. "I'm getting my signals crossed!"

"She did not, if anything she was just messing with you," Kyla answered waving her hand dismissively. Anger sprang to the surface of my mind but I pushed it back down, trying to tell myself that Ashley Davies didn't matter. I couldn't help it, lying to myself had been a habit for so long. Why deviate now?

"So we can vote Ashley off of the island then. Moving on to Janet and Taylor."

My sister snapped her fingers and pointed at me in the Aha! Sherlock Holmes way she adored, "So you do have a thing for her. Geez Spencer. I probably could've hooked you two up!"

"I don't have a thing for her, I just dream about her. I just wondered if she had a thing for me. Geez Kyla." I rolled my eyes for the extra dramatic effect and hoped to God that I wasn't as transparent as I felt.

"Would you like a trampoline to help you jump to those conclusions?"

"Haha no thanks my moon boots still work just fine."

"God moon boots are so cool," suddenly I was overwhelmed with the image of jumping over the moon in a pair of big orange (pink sucks) squishy moon boots. Then all of the sudden there was an image of me naked, kissing Ashley in only my moon boots-

"HEY! Space cadet."

"Yeah Ashley?" It was about a second after it came out of my mouth that I realized I was talking to Kyla. I looked at her a little guiltily and smiled. "I mean Kyla." She was still staring at me with an amused smirk playing over her lips. "I wasn't daydreaming about Ashley!"

"Sure you weren't…" Kyla trailed off with a wink and rolled her eyes. I could feel the awkward silence start to overcome the room and so I said the first thing that came to mind.

"So what do you think about Taylor?" The mood in the room shifted and I could feel her start to get uncomfortable. There had always been a fair amount of tension between Kyla and Taylor, so I expected her answer to be something along the lines of hate, detest, loathe, or want to condemn to death by firing squad but she surprised me.

"Well, how do you really feel about her?"

"Honestly?" I bit my lip struggling to find non cliché phrases. I failed. "I really really care about her. She's everything I could have asked for to go through this with. Understanding, sweet, caring, compassionate, sexy."

"So you're like, in love with her then?"

"Getting there." Okay so that just flew off the tip of my tongue like nothing. A huge admission like that didn't usually come so easily. Damn Kyla for being so accepting and non judgmental! I was supposed to be in denial here!

"And you like being with her, she makes you happy, and all that?"

"Well yeah, really happy." I paused letting my fear finally make its way to the surface and I looked at my adorably nerdy sister who at the moment was examining her wand. "I'm just afraid that I'm missing something settling down and being in love with the first girl I've ever been with. I mean what if I miss out?"

"Spencer, you're not 'settling down'." She made quotes with her fingers and I grimaced at the thought of engagement. A panicked look prickled her features and she narrowed her eyes at me. "You're not engaged right?!"

"NO!" I shouted as she winced at my volume. "you hear about Aiden proposing by the way?"

"Ugh, unfortunately. He's so retarded. How were you with him that long?"

"I have no idea." I was once again distracted as I imagined an impromptu wedding and honeymoon with Ashley. Sometimes I wonder if I need occulency lessons to control my mind.

"You want me to be honest with you?" Kyla asked snapping me out of my daydream. I nodded and motioned for her to continue.

"I think if you care about her as much as you say you do, then you need to stick it out. Let this relationship run its course. If you guys don't work out, then at least you gave it your all and you'll be ready to move on to someone that's really right for you."

It made sense, it definitely made sense considering that I cared about Taylor a great deal. I thought it over and unfortunately my blurting problem resurfaced. "And you're sure that Ashley isn't into me?" I mentally kicked myself about a thousand times after I said this and then added for good measure, "Not that I care."

"If Ashley's into you, she hasn't made it known to me. And if she hasn't made it known to me, then I think it's safe to say she's not into you. Not that you care though."

"Right." I agreed with a crisp nod. "Can you imagine what Mom's reaction will be to all of this?"

Kyla placed her hand on my shoulder and looked at me with sympathetic brown eyes. "I'll pray for your survival."

"Death is imminent."

"I'll have Willow perform a resurrection." Ah a Buffy reference, it was a wonder this girl wasn't related to me by blood.

"Make sure that my carcass is out of the coffin first, I don't want to break a nail clawing my way through a padded coffin."

"That will be up to the rest of the Scoobies I'm afraid. I have to be at home, with Spike, because I am the little sister and what not. You understand."

"Well I mean continuity is everything." I agreed. "Thank you Kyla, you know for talking and everything. I should go get ready Taylor is coming over." Suddenly, I found my arms wrapped around the smaller brunette and I pulled back a bit embarrassed. "I hope we get to do this more, since I decided not to be such an asshole."

"Uh yeah." She looked frazzled by the hug. Who could blame her? Weeks ago if I'd thrown myself around her she probably would have been afraid for her life, so I let it slide. "I'll be sure to let Ashley know you are definitely "not" into her."

I grinned as I bounced of the room and then stopped popping my head back in the door. "Thanks. Warn me if she comes over, so I can "not" look amazing. Don't want to tempt her."

Since our rooms were down the hall from one another it only took me a couple seconds to make it to my own living quarters. The door to my room stood open a crack and I wondered if I'd left it standing open. Usually I always shut and latched my door, prying mother's make a lot of noise when snooping so I always left it shut. I walked in with the intention of going straight to my closet to change but much to my surprise I found Taylor sitting on my bed waiting for me. I smiled and walked over to give her a kiss.

"Hey babe. You're early." She looked at me with her bright blue eyes, which were alarmingly cold and I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Actually, I'd say I'm just in time." Taylor tossed her hair behind her shoulder and glared at me, slamming the lid of my laptop down. All of the clues began to fall into place, angry stare, sitting behind my laptop. I'd been busted. Quick play it off!

"What were you doing on my computer?" I walked over to where she was and placed my hand on her shoulder, which was immediately shrugged off. Uh oh. Time for jokes. "I really hate it when you sign me up for those porn emails. Circus boobs everywhere."

"If I'm such a slut, why are you with me?"

Oh no. Had I really said that? I traced back every journal entry I'd made and squirmed internally. Okay so I'd said it but at the time, it had been totally true. I was justified. Not. Deny! Come on Spence make the innocent eyes, I thought. "What?"

"Who is Janet, Spencer?"

Oh god. More hard questions. Are there multiple choice answers to these? Okay don't play innocent, get angry! Activate the 'make her feel guilty for snooping' plan. "You looked through my emails?!"

"It's not my fault you left it open for the whole world to see!" Damn, she saw right through that plan. I should have known it wouldn't be that easy. "If you think I'm such a slut, then why are you with me? Are you just experimenting?"

"No Taylor. God I want to be with you. That's why I am with you." I stopped and tried to dredge up a good excuse from the corner of my mind. Unfortunately the image of Ashley naked flashed before my eyes. Damn my beautifully twisted mind and its terrible timing. "I just said that because I was an idiot."

"And that makes it ok?! How can you even say that you want to be with me when it's clear you have no respect for me?" She was shrieking now, high pitched 'I want to kill you but can't figure out how to get away with it' screams. I'd obviously misjudged her anger level and wondered for a moment if my life was indeed in danger.

"I do have respect for you!" I yelled right back, feeling my guilt finally turn into actual anger. "I was stupid okay. I'm sorry!!"

"SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH!" She screamed right back at me and I stood toe to toe with her, unblinking and unwavering. "It just isn't good enough."

My eyes flicked to her lips for a moment and a new plan began to form. If I couldn't get out of this with mere mental manipulation, I would resort to physical. After all, I didn't have much dignity to speak of; I was dating her. "What do you want me to do?" I didn't wait for her to answer. Kissing her forcefully, I felt her try to pull away but the second my tongue grazed the bottom of her lip she felt into my embrace. We kissed for a few minutes, her hands tangling themselves in my hair and my hands finding their way under her shirt. I pulled away gently and looked into her painfully blue eyes. "You're the one I want. Don't do this to me."

"Who is Janet?" And we were back to square one; I briefly considered losing my pants but ultimately decided it could do more harm than help.

"Some girl online," the words actually burned my lips as they passed through. Who knew a lie could burn that bad?

"Some girl you have feelings for?" She was pressing me, testing me and in my fear of losing her I caved.

"She's no one to me." I kept my eyes on the floor and struggled to keep back tears. Nothing to me? Try everything. A stray tear fell to my carpet and I looked into her questioning eyes. "Not like you, you mean so much to me."

"Are you sure?" Her hands pushed through her hair and she sat down on my bed. Placing her head into her hands, Taylor pressed her fingertips into her forehead until they were white. "I couldn't handle it if you lied to me Spencer. You know how I feel about you..."

It was time for the big guns, my last resort (no not the pants). "I love you. Only you." I don't think she was expecting me to say it out loud at that moment. Maybe she had never expected me to say it but I had. Surprisingly enough, it felt real as I uttered it. Was it possible for me to be in love with two (maybe three) different girls? I finally understood what the Bachelor on ABC bitched about all the time. "Please say you love me too."

She cracked a smile as I sat down next to her and I touched her hand gingerly, not wanting her to throw it off. To my surprise, she interlaced our fingers and kissed my hand. "You love me too."

I swatted her on the arm lightly and placed a sweet kiss on her cheek. Her eyes closed a bit and I tried not to feel guilty about our earlier exchange. "Taylor!"

"What?" She feigned innocence. "You asked!"

"Do you love me?" I asked avoiding her eyes. A second later I was thrown backwards, the delightful sensation of Taylor's body weight against my own.

"I love you." She said kissing both of my ear lobes.

"Show me how much."


	29. What I've Done

**Chapter 28: What I've Done**

February 23, 2008  
Time: 8:43 PM  
Mood: Validated  
Username: adhasnovds

This is something I have to do. This is the choice I have to make. Or rather, it was the choice that was made for me. Hopefully this will teach you something.

I don't care if you ever forgive me.

But if I were being honest with myself, and everyone else, I would care. I do care. There's no turning back.

You should be careful what you say, be cautious of your surroundings. You never know who you may hurt.

You made your choice, and in turn made mine.

-- -

I thought yesterday would be a normal Friday. You know, wake up, go to school, come home and hang out with Kyla. Well, it started off that way…I woke up. But as I was out the door and on my way to school I was greeted in a very unexpected and unwelcome way.

Sydney was leaning against my car; tear stained face and all. She'd [finally] stopped the round the clock calls and I thought she'd finally gotten the hint that I wanted nothing to do with her.

"Ashley, baby!"

Unfortunately I was sorely mistaken as I found myself being wrapped up in an entirely uncomfortable and unwanted embrace.

"Oh my god baby, I missed you so much. I was so worried something had happened to you since you haven't returned any of my calls."

She finally let me go and I pushed her back even further, needing the space. The girl was suffocation personified.

"Sydney what are you doing here?"

A confused look spread across her face and I just stared at her with impatience.

"I had to check on you, silly. When my girlfriend doesn't answer my three phone calls I get nervous."

Ok it's official, this girl is nuts.

"Sydney, I'm not your girlfriend anymore."

"What are you talking about? Of course you are," she giggled idiotically.

I was actually attracted to her? Good God, what was I on?

"No, I'm not. Do you not remember the night we broke up? Because it really wasn't that long ago."

She giggled again, "Are you talking about that silly little tiff we had?" I stepped out of the way when she tried to wrap me up again, which caused her to pout pathetically, "Ashie come on, you know you're the only one for me!"

Annoyed beyond belief and almost running late for school, I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose. I had to put it in a way that she'd understand, really understand.

"Sydney Stevens, there's only one girl out there for me. And you are not her!"

Her stupid grin went away, replaced with a slack jaw and bugged out eyes.

"Did you really just John Tucker me?"

I pretended to ponder it for a bit, "Hmm, ya know. I think I did. So take the hint and go away, kthanks."

She just looked at me in disbelief as I hopped into the Mini Cooper and sped off to school.

I made it to first period with barely a minute to spare, and as I regaled Kyla with my harrowing tale, I swear she laughed harder than she ever had.

We spent the night out at the movies, just the two of us. I told her Cal was more than welcome to join, but she insisted that we have a girl's night. There were no complaints from me of course.

Her dad wanted her home that night, some lame 'We never spend time together, let's go to breakfast in the morning. Bright and early. Blah blah blah' attempt at parenting. We made plans to get together the next afternoon.

When I pulled up to my usual parking spot, along the curb in front of the expansive house, I noticed Gretchen's obnoxiously bright pink Mustang parked next to Regina's. Yeah, they had matching cars. Codependency issues anyone?

But honestly, it's not a shock she had a Barbie pink car. No shock at all. She was an attention whore, of course she had to have everyone notice her for any reason she could muster. Positively nauseating though, isn't it?

Personally, I think anyone that drives a pink car, that isn't made entirely of plastic, has a pink dream house, and a boyfriend with no actual sex organs to show he's a man, should be shot. But I digress.

Per the norm, both parents were out of the house. No doubt back at the hospital. It was rare they were anywhere else.

I walked in and made a quick pit stop in the kitchen. I was told there were freshly baked goodies from that morning. Again, another rarity in the Carlin/Montaneo household, but Paula was an excellent baker.

Piled high on a plate, sitting on the center island were the rectangles of chocolatey goodness.

"Mr. Brownie, I'm looking at you. You wore Saran Wrap so you could hide."

I snagged one and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge on my way out. There was a pause in the hallway as I took a bite and found myself slumped against the wall seconds later.

"Ohh that was a good one. Ohh that was nice."

They were nice and gooey, but definitely not under baked. I took another bite as I kept walking and almost fainted.

"Mmm. I love these brownies!" I moaned. How that woman could bake something so amazing was beyond my vast power of comprehension.

It was polished off by the time I hit the stairs. I jogged up a few and instantly regretted it when I felt my stomach start to turn.

Note to self: Brownies, though quite delicious, do not mix well with jogging up stairs.

I'd just made it to the top landing when I heard yelling. Obnoxiously high pitched, bleeding ear inducing yells. Obviously it came from Spencer's room. Gretchen wouldn't go near Kyla's room without some underhanded purpose.

The plan was to just walk past the door and ignore it completely, but the subject of their screamfest was more than enough to keep my attention…and to make me look lame when I plastered myself against the wall while I listened carefully.

"Who is Janet?" the skankified Barbie asked.

"Some girl online."

What, that's it? Can't even get a friend out of it?

"Some girl you have feelings for?"

Here we go. Tell her Spencer. Tell her you're done. Tell her what a good-

"She's no one to me. Not like you, you mean so much to me!"

Bitch!

I couldn't listen to anymore of that bullshit, so I stalked down to Kyla's room. Foul, bitter, and pissed off didn't even come close to my mood. I masked it though; Kyla didn't need to know about it yet. Not that there was even really an 'it' to speak of. Regina made that loud and clear. Literally.

When I walked in she was just stepping out of her closet, with an armful of clothes. Apparently it was time for her yearly spring cleaning.

She smiled at me and threw the clothes into the already overflowing basket.

"Hey, what took you so long? I saw you pull up," she checked her watch, "seven minutes and thirty seven seconds ago."

I lifted my hand and showed her my partially chocolate covered fingers; the perfect alibi.

"I was unavoidably detained."

"Damn your eyes and stomach man," she said in a horrible Scottish accent. Caddyshack would never get old with us.

"You know the brownies are my only weakness, Ky." She gave me an amused but disbelieving smirk, "Alright, alright. They're my only _food_ weakness. Gosh."

***

_A while later…_

Situated back at my laptop, I had meticulously cut and combined clips from the video that played over and over in my head on loop. I found the harder I tried to block it, the more it played, and the clearer the picture and sound became.

The file had just finished saving when I had successfully rerouted my way into the school's website. I didn't want it traced back to me of course.

My finger hovered over the mouse for a few minutes; undecided if it was really the thing to do. If it was really worth the risk. Her words bounced around in my head over and over.

"_She's no one to me…_"

With a clenched jaw I clicked the button. I chose my path, or rather, I accepted the path she placed me in front of.


	30. Sick or Sane

**Chapter 29: Sick or Sane**

TrojansNotNeeded: i can't stop crying  
adhasnovds: you're telling me this like i care  
TrojansNotNeeded: well i know we haven't talked in a while but...  
adhasnovds: but...but what? why aren't you crying on your girlfriend's shoulder bradshaw? huh? why? because honestly, i don't give a fuck.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i dont have a girlfriend anymore. and obviously no more friends.  
adhasnovds: hmm. shoulda thought about that last week  
TrojansNotNeeded: what are you talking about?!  
adhasnovds: when you chose her over me  
TrojansNotNeeded: you're supposed to be my friend regardless  
TrojansNotNeeded: you know it was hard for me  
adhasnovds: obviously not too hard considering you did nothing to change things. she must be a good lay  
TrojansNotNeeded: how could you say something like that  
adhasnovds: how could you tell me you want to be with me but still choose her?  
TrojansNotNeeded: because i wanted to try and stick it out  
adhasnovds: and look how great that panned out for you. wow, real winner you chose there bradshaw. $10 says she's out with some random skank right now  
TrojansNotNeeded: so i guess thats what i am.  
adhasnovds: how do you figure that  
TrojansNotNeeded: well i slept with her. so i must be a skank. used. a whore.  
TrojansNotNeeded: her whore.  
adhasnovds: wah wah pity fucking me. god. you know, you had so many chances to not get tangled in this shit  
TrojansNotNeeded: so is this your goal? hurt me as bad as I hurt you?  
adhasnovds: whatever helps right  
TrojansNotNeeded: you sound like you hate me  
adhasnovds: i have every right to don't i?  
TrojansNotNeeded: no.  
TrojansNotNeeded: you should still be my friend  
adhasnovds: guess what. life doesn't work out the way we want it to  
TrojansNotNeeded: what the hell is wrong with you?!  
adhasnovds: you know what's wrong with me!  
TrojansNotNeeded: i didn't choose you! SO WHAT! if I meant ANYTHING to you you would there for me now.  
adhasnovds: you are so selfish  
TrojansNotNeeded: fine. yes. im selfish. i broke your heart. im a horrible person and im sorry.  
adhasnovds: don't patronize me  
TrojansNotNeeded: patronize you?  
adhasnovds: with your fake apologies  
TrojansNotNeeded: they arent fake!  
adhasnovds: sure they are. just like your "feelings" for me  
TrojansNotNeeded: my feelings were and are real for you. but i was scared.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i still am.  
TrojansNotNeeded: im only asking for a friend, i need someone. so badly.

adhasnovds: you're looking in the wrong place. little baby spencer carlin. too fucking scared to do anything to really make a difference, but has no problem making a sex tape.  
TrojansNotNeeded: how did you know who i was...  
adhasnovds: your name was on the video. and obviously you wouldn't be moaning out your own name now would you. you're not a complete narcissistic bitch  
TrojansNotNeeded: you saw the video  
adhasnovds: damn right i did  
TrojansNotNeeded: i dont know who took it. i guess it was taylor.  
adhasnovds: you really picked a winner didn't you  
TrojansNotNeeded: yeah we established that you fucking asshole.  
adhasnovds: oh you want it? well how about this. i was just messing with you  
TrojansNotNeeded: what are you talking about?  
adhasnovds: i never gave a damn about you  
adhasnovds: i just wanted to see if you'd give it up  
TrojansNotNeeded: give what up  
adhasnovds: sex, idiot  
TrojansNotNeeded: if you want it then take it.  
adhasnovds: no thanks. you're damaged goods now.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i never should have trusted you  
TrojansNotNeeded: you're even worse than tess on roswell!  
adhasnovds: oh good one... that got me right in the heart. seriously. i'm wounded  
TrojansNotNeeded: i have to go pack.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i am sorry for making the wrong decision, not that it even matters since it wasnt real for you. but it was for me.  
TrojansNotNeeded: it was real for me.  
adhasnovds: you don't know the meaning of real  
TrojansNotNeeded: no i suppose i don't. stay safe janet.  
adhasnovds: good riddance spencer  
TrojansNotNeeded: if you ever even cared about me or if you change your mind, my flight is at 8 out of LAX.  
TrojansNotNeeded: I'm not coming back.  
adhasnovds: are you still talking?  
TrojansNotNeeded has signed out.


	31. Alabama Getaway

**Chapter 30: Alabama Getaway**

February 25, 2008  
User: TrojansNotNeeded  
Time: 11:45 PM EST  
Mood: Heartbroken

Where do I even start with what I need to say? It's been 2 days since I last saw Taycen and I doubt that I'll ever see her again. It's been 2 days since my entire life exploded into thousands of irreplaceable pieces that will never fit together again. 48 hours since my mother told me that I was dead to her and to either shape my life up or get out of her house. But none of that even matters.

I never thought I would experience this; it is so unimaginably painful that I can barely breathe. In fact, I don't think I would be breathing if I wasn't forcing myself. My throat is swollen from weeping for two days straight. The tears just come from nowhere, they leak out of the corners of my eyes and build in the back of my throat when no one is watching. I feel how alone I am and the loneliness builds on itself as each tear drips to the cold floor waiting below.

Janet hates me and even though she said her feelings were never real, I can't help it if mine were. I can't help it that I miss talking to her and that I wish, I pray every single night that she would just call my phone or IM me. But I treated her badly and I know it. I deserve this.

My Dad didn't even ask questions when I called and told him I was on my way. That's the great thing about my Dad; he's just there for me whenever I need him no questions asked. Of course, he doesn't live in a large house with a nice car or anything but when I think about my Dad, he could live in a box and I would want to be there with him. My half brother Glen called from his small college campus a few hours ago to let me know he'd be home for the weekend to celebrate my return.

The idea of the word celebrate being in my vocabulary after what happened seems a bit like over reaching. But in way it was nice to be back here, to smell the clean air and lay down in my small dark room equipped with the daybed that I slept in when I was five and still afraid of Gremlins in the closet.

You guys are probably wondering what happened; I've sort of fallen into the habit of getting lost in my own sadness but let me back up. We'll start where I last remember feeling happy.

***

"I love you." She said kissing both of my ear lobes.

"Show me how much." I had said to Taycen who at the moment had her body pressed against every available inch of my skin. There weren't any words exchanged as her lips met mine, her hands sliding up onto my cheeks and caressing the soft skin they found there. Kissing her was still an eye opening experience and my breath was stolen when her tongue found the exposed skin of my neck.

Taycen began sliding my shirt over my head but she paused to savor the tanned flesh of my stomach, causing goose bumps to stand at attention on my skin. As her hands began to wander my body I was struck with this overwhelming feeling of guilt, guilt for doing this when I should be telling her that I had feelings for someone else as well as her.

"Wait. Stop. I can't." Tears rolled down my cheeks and she looked at me alarmed.

"Spencer?" Her voice was a mix of concern and apprehension. I didn't cry often and she knew better than to pressure me into telling her what was going on. I continued to cry, trying to swipe the moisture under my eyes away without worrying what she thought about me.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Her hair was hanging in front of her eyes and she blew it up into the air, trying to clear it from her vision.

"I love you. I want you to know that. That I'm in love with you."

"Spencer, you're freaking me out. Are you pregnant? It isn't mine I swear!" She joked and I cracked a half-hearted smile. Realization began to dawn in those beautiful blue eyes I had spent so many hours just losing myself inside. "It's Janet right? You like her?"

"Yeah. I do." It felt so much better to say it out loud. Taycen looked at me for a minute and stood up. "Please don't leave. It doesn't mean that I don't care about you, I'm just confused. Please stay."

"How is it okay for me to stay?" She asked with her own eyes filling up with tears. "You lied to me before. I love you Spencer. I have always loved you. From the minute I threw that carrot at your head. I've been waiting for you, through everything. From the moment I saw you, I wanted to be with you. And I thought… well it doesn't matter what I thought because you like another girl. And you can say you love me as much as you want but until you figure this out. You can't ever love me the way that I love you. The way that I need you to love me."

"I'm going to lose you aren't I?"

"It's really up to you." She answered sadly pushing her hair out of her face.

"Can I ask you something?" I inquired flicking away the tears that had landed on my fingers. She nodded slightly and kept her eyes away from my gaze. I could tell she was crying and it was killing me to see that I'd caused it. "Will you lay down with me for a while? Please just hold me and we can get through this together."

Taycen looked conflicted but with a large sigh she walked back over to the bed where I sat with my arms wrapped around my knees. My head was buried inside of my arms and I cried silently, feeling wetness rain from my eyes onto my thin cotton shirt. And then her arms were around me gently guiding me down to the mattress and the pillows that waited for our heads.

Taycen pressed her body into mine and I held her hands tightly, refusing to let go. Her breath came in short bursts and I felt an ever growing wet spot on my shoulder where her tears had penetrated the fabric of my shirt. Eventually exhaustion won out and I shut my eyes, falling into a deep dreamless sleep.

When I woke up she was gone.

***

So you already knew that she'd abandoned me from my previous entry but that is how it all went down. I was upset to say the least but I was also angry, I felt betrayed. I stood in my room, wondering why it had never looked so empty before and then I laid down, prepared to sleep for the rest of the night. My thoughts kept my eyes open however as I wondered if she'd just left for the night or if she was gone for good.

I'd loved her, scratch that, I did love her. It was just so confusing for me. How is possible to love more than one person at one time? I'm not sure but I knew that I did. I think I managed to fall asleep around 2 that morning but shortly after I received an email alert on my computer.

I sat up in bed and double clicked on the message from Addison.

---

To: Spencer  
From: Addison  
Subject: Truth?!

Hey so I was just lookin at my stats on the school's website and this video just randomly popped up on my fucking screen. I swear to god if this is true, I really won't know what to say to anymore. How could you do this?! I mean, this looks bad on me! What were you thinking?! If you haven't seen it already you might want to head over, it's posted everywhere on the King High webpage.  
-A.D.

---

Well after that day brightener, I decided to head over to the school's website. My hands were literally shaking with the adrenaline as I typed the address into the navigation box. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to ignore the dull throb behind my eyes. Crying always gave me killer headaches. The moment I opened my eyes was the moment my entire world came crashing down around me.

A video half the size of my screen had popped up was loading. I could very clearly see that it was my room and Taycen and I were sitting on the bed. My heart thudded loudly as I pressed play, my stomach rolling over dangerously as I watched us kissing.

As I watched myself hungrily pull Taycen's shirt over her head, I remembered that first night that we were together. I had been so upset about my fight with that stupid girl, I'd made a rash decision and rushed things with one of the people I cared most about.

That night she was gentle, perfect and loving. I want to make that clear to anyone who thinks she may have been taking advantage of me, because that is the furthest thing from the truth. She made that night special for me and I knew I would never forget. I also knew the student body would never forget either.

I checked my watch and read the indigo outline that said 4 AM. Surprisingly it didn't dawn on me that this video would be seen by the entire student population. There was actually only one person on my mind at the time and I prayed silently that Janet wouldn't see it before the admins managed to take it down. I watched angrily and then exited out of the pop up window, hitting the reply button on my hotmail page.

---

To: Addison  
From: Spencer  
Subject: Re: Truth?!

Hey sorry to inform you that a bunch of freshman pranksters did not recreate an elaborate set of my bedroom and cast two doppelgangers in the role of Taycen and I. It was really me. I'm sorry that it makes you "look bad" but then you didn't really need much assistance in that area. Instead of being concerned with yourself, did you even stop to think about how I might be feeling about the whole thing?! Or did you forget that we were once friends before your stupid dick got involved. I could use a friend. I need you. I need your support, tomorrow is going to suck. Be there for me at the front doors?

---

Although my email was harsh, I knew as soon as I stepped out of my car and hit the sidewalk that led up to the school that he would be waiting for me. And he was. Addison stood with Parker, both of them had their arms crossed and looked like hulking bodyguards, just what I needed to protect me from the judgmental backlash of the student population.

A huge rush of relief flowed through me and I smiled appreciatively up at them. All day I felt their eyes on me, everywhere I went wide white eyeballs coldly regarded me and whispers were uttered throughout the school wherever I went. They were judging me.

Taycen was nowhere to be seen, and her parking spot remained empty. I checked all day for any sign of her, and by the time three o clock rolled around I was ready to throw my uncalled phone in the trash. Where was she? The boys both wanted to talk about what had happened but I asked them both to wait until I was ready to talk. It took everything I had to keep the tears from falling out of my eyes.

As the minutes on the clock ticked by I felt the shame growing. Teachers who had once looked to me to be an example ignored my raised hand in class and girls who had once smiled admiringly at me as I passed in the hall sneered at me from behind the ears of their best friends.

It was one of the longest days I'd ever endured and Taycen's absence made it worse. When I arrived home, I was greeted by the unwelcome presence of my mother who merely motioned me to sit down at her enormous dining room table. I couldn't help but notice that she looked like Donald Trump sans comb over, with her hard stare and pursed lips.

"Spencer. I got a call from your school today. They interrupted me at work to inform me of a very surprising video. Thankfully the filth was taken down immediately after it was discovered at 2 PM but that didn't stop them from deeming it a family emergency." Her tone was cold and her frigid eyes sent lasers of hatred my way. "When were you going to tell me that you were no longer seeing Addison?"

"I was thinking I would tell you when you decided to act like a mother."

Placing her long thin fingers on the large oak table that lay between us, my mother stared at me with a look that could only be described as revulsion with a hint of resentment thrown in the mix. "You will not speak to me like that young lady. If you wish for more structure then that is exactly what you will get. Ben and I have discussed it-"

"BEN?! When will you realize that BEN is NOT my father! Just because you couldn't control your quivering vagina around your boss and left my father for him years ago does NOT make that sniveling spineless ass of a man MY FATHER!" My chest was heaving as I screamed at her. Years and years of pent up anger had just released in a whirlwind of insults directed at my stepfather.

"Obviously this emotional outburst has to do with the influence of your little bed buddy. I see you and Taycen have gotten fairly closer than I would consider appropriate, but you won't be seeing her anymore."

"Oh really? Did you get the memo? She abandoned me over twenty four hours ago mother, without a word, so I really don't think you have to worry about her driving up in a U-haul anytime soon." I spat the words at her frustration overcoming my body.

"I will not tolerate that kind of that lifestyle Spencer, do you hear me? If you choose to continue this, I cannot be associated with you in any way."

"Yeah I read you loud and clear Dr. Doom." I muttered as I climbed the stairs to my bedroom.

"I heard that!"

I threw my bedroom door open and chunked my backpack at the wall, watching with satisfaction as my books exploded out of the top. My mother was no doubt, planning something and as I dug in my bottom drawer for a change of clothes an idea began to form in my mind. An hour and a half later, I was packed and ready to go.


	32. Say Goodbye

**Chapter 31: Say Goodbye**

Spencer left four days, eighteen hours, and twenty seven minutes ago. Approximately. Not that I've kept count or anything. No siree bob. Haven't kept cou- four days, eighteen hours, and twenty eight minutes.

Damn it.

"What'd you get for number three?"

I haven't been wondering what she's been doing for the past four days, nine hours, and twenty nine minutes. I haven't been wondering what's been going through her mind. There's a nine hour difference, I'm sure you noticed. That's because I had something to do, and then I immediately fell into a fitful night sleep.

"Ashley?"

It wasn't supposed to be like this, it wasn't. I wasn't supposed to fall for the girl online and it sure as shit wasn't supposed to be Spencer Carlin of all people.

"Ashley?"

I can't help but wonder how things would be if she'd just told me how she felt in the first place or maybe if she'd chosen me that night. I can't help but wonder how things would be different if I hadn't made the tape in the first place…

"Ashley!"

"Huh? Ow!"

Kyla picked up the pencil she'd just thrown at my head and shrugged, "Sorry. You spaced out on me, what else was I supposed to do?"

She had a point…

"Throw a pillow at me?"

"You just want to have a sexy little pillow fight with me," she sniggered heartily.

I smirked, "You caught me Ky. All day long that's all I fantasize about."

I loved times like this. Where she and I could just lay back and joke with each other, banter like Regis and Kelly…or something like that. I don't really know if they have good banter, daytime talk shows were never my thing. Maybe Oprah and…Oprah would be a better example. She banters with herself all the time right?

I looked at Kyla, hoping I'd see a smile on her face. Unfortunately I was met with a sad, far off look. If there was one thing I hated more than my stepmother, one thing I hated more than chocolate covered cherries, one thing I hated more than drivers that don't move as soon as the light turns green, was that look, or ones like it on her face. It hurt so bad to see it, but I knew that what she was feeling was a hundred times worse.

"Hey," I said moving closer to her. "What's up? Are you debating the existence of leprechauns again? Because I told you, Ky, they totally exist. Lucky the leprechaun isn't some ad creator's idea. He totally had a run in with him."

She gave me a half hearted smile that didn't even last a full three seconds and sighed heavily. I knew what, or more so who, she was thinking about. She and Spencer were finally getting somewhere and I basically ripped that away from her. It ripped me apart inside every day I didn't tell her.

"I just…I can't believe she would do that. I mean, I know she's a bitch, but…god. She seemed like she cared about Spencer. Like she really loved her, really was in love with her."

Everyone blamed Taylor for the tape. I couldn't even enjoy that. Her little disappearing act made her look extremely guilty. More rumors floated around school about that and the tape than the time Nathan Pinkerton got caught in the freight elevator with his pants at his knees, certain parts in one hand, and a picture of Mrs. Tremaine, the crotchety old librarian, in the other.

"Uh, yeah…" I mumbled. I didn't know what to else to say.

"And Spencer, God. She was so heartbroken, Ash. So heartbroken. You know, like, the day before the video went up she came to talk to me about what was going on with her and Taylor, and how she was thinking of breaking up with her."

I looked at her, semi interested, "Oh yeah? What'd Regina have to say?"

"Just that she was really torn. Apparently she'd been talking to this girl online, some Janet girl, I dunno," I stiffened. Oh crap. So she knew about me. Er, well, my alter ego.

"She said that she really cared for both of them, but was really worried that Taylor was going to hurt her. That she was just going to end up being another notch in her headboard."

It's like she had ESPN or something…

"The fact that she came to me for advice on all of it, out of everyone she could've gone to made me feel like I had to be like…her Yoda or something. So I asked her how she really felt about both of them. And I mean how she really felt."

I swallowed, not really wanting to hear it, but already knowing what was coming. "Oh yeah? And what'd she say?"

"That she was closer to being in love with Taylor than she was with Janet."

And there it was. I knew it was the truth, but it still hurt like hell to hear.

"So then what happened?" I prodded. Apparently I was a glutton for pain.

"I told her she should stick it out with Taylor, and that if it didn't work out then she'd be ready to be with someone that she was really meant to be with. That she'd learn from it and be able to move on without wondering."

I nodded, again not really knowing what to say.

"You know," she laughed softly, "I think she had a little crush on you."

Choked. That's what I did. I choked on my spit, or the air, or whatever.

"Excuse me?" I squeaked out. There was no way. I mean, Spencer having a crush on Janet was one thing, but liking me, Ashley Davies, was another.

"Yeah, she kept hinting that she liked you. Which, by the way, totally weird to hear coming from her considering your…less than friendly past. But she spaced out on me and when I got her attention she was like 'Yeah Ashley?'"

My eyes bugged out, "You're lying to me." Please, for the love of Ellen Page, be lying to me.

She laughed a little louder this time, "I swear to god. She had this glazed and dreamy look on her face too."

"No way. We aren't talking about Spencer Carlin."

"Yeah, we are. And she kept making it a point to tell me that she didn't like you, and for me to let her know when you'd be coming over so she could look…oh what were her exact words?" There was a dramatic pause, "Oh right. 'Not hot so she won't be tempted.'" She laughed louder than she had the past few days, but I was left…angry? Frustrated?

"No! She didn't say those things! So stop telling me she did, Kyla. Stop lying to me!"

Unfortunately, whatever it was, I took it out on the one person that didn't deserve it.

"Whoa. Ash, calm down," she tried soothingly. "What's going on?"

She put her hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off instantly. Not wanting, not _deserving_ to be comforted by her. Not deserving to be comforted at all.

"Don't Kyla. Just…don't. Don't tell me things like that."

"What is your malfunction Ashley? Why are you freaking out so bad over this? Why don't you want to hear what Spencer was saying about you?"

I stood from the bed and walked over to her window, hugging myself. How do you tell your best friend that you single handedly ripped away the one thing she's wanted more than anything else in this world, because you were selfish? Because you needed to make someone hurt as bad as you were hurting.

"Ash, please," her tone was desperate. "Tell me what's going on. You've never freaked out like this before. Not even when-" she stopped herself short. She knew full well never to breach the topic of my father and his death.

"I just…I can't."

She stood from the bed too and went to the center of the room, "Can't what Ash?"

I knew I had to tell her. It wasn't fair and it wouldn't be right if I didn't. I just hoped she'd understand. I turned around to face her, met with a pained, almost frightened expression.

"I screwed up Ky. I screwed up big. But before I tell you what I did, I need you to promise me that you'll at least try and be understanding and that you won't tear me limb from limb ok? Please?"

She looked at me perplexed for a minute before simply nodding. That was good enough for me.

"Ok," I sighed out. "Well, you know how I told you after the whole diary fiasco that I'd get the Mean Girls back for what they did?" Another nod. "Yeah well…I did. The video that everyone saw, of Spencer and Taylor-"

A look of realization passed through her eyes before she covered her face with her hands, "Oh my god, Ash tell me you didn't. Tell me that wasn't your doing."

"I'm sorry Ky-"

"Sorry? Sorry?!" she yelled. "Do you realize what you've done?! Do you realize how many people you've hurt?! Spencer was finally starting to come around! She was finally willing to spend time with me and not just out of obligation because Paula told her to."

I let her go on for a while more before she calmed down a little. I told her my reasons, or most of them anyway, for doing it when she gave me the chance.

She took a deep breath and met my eyes, "I kind of wish you'd just let me think it was Taylor. Because you know I can't stay mad at you. Don't get me wrong, I'm still really pissed, but I get why. In a warped way."

"Uh, Janice. There's something else," I bit my lip.

She looked at me warily before dramatically throwing herself back on the bed.

"Just say it Ashley. Tell me you're pregnant with Mulder's baby and that I'm going to be godmother."

I had to chuckle at that. Only Kyla would think of something like that and a time like this. Comedic relief, we specialized in it.

"If only Ky, if only. And you know you wouldn't be the godmother, you'd be adopting that kid."

"Yeah that's true. You're not capable of handling the next great X-Files agent. Not just yet anyway."

"Plus," I said lifting my pointer finger. "I don't want to ruin this hot bod."

We laughed again, but that overwhelming silence fell back upon us.

"What else do you have to tell me, Damien?"

"Um, I nominated you for Spring Fling Queen?" She gave me a harsh look so I got to the point. "You remember the girl online?"

"The one you liked more than that freak of an ex of yours? Yeah."

"And of course you know about Janet that your sister had feelings for?"

"_Has_ feelings for. She didn't just instantly forget about them even though she tried to work it out with Taylor. Why? What do tho-" Her eyes went wide again and she shot up from the bed. "Oh my god. You're Janet?! And…and-and Spencer is-is…help me out here?"

"Amy."

"Amy?! Oh my god this is so messed up," she cried out as she held her hands over her face.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, I'm kind of already well aware of that! What do I do?"

Her hands dropped from her face and she looked at me like I was stupid. Which I mean, I guess I was.

"You have to tell her. You have to tell her everything. Make her come home. You…you just have to tell her!"

"Whoa, hold up. Uh uh, no way. Not. Happening."

"Why not?"

Now it was my turn to shoot the 'You're an idiot' look at her.

"How 'bout the fact that she'll hate me forever?!"

Yes, I was being selfish again. But damn it, if Spencer hated me…well. The plan went to shit in the first place. I guess I didn't really have anything else to lose.

"Ash, you have to tell her. If you just, somehow, coaxed her home and didn't let her in on a very big secret, the entire basis of your relationship would be a lie. In fact, it wouldn't even be a relationship. It'd be a relationshit. Got it?"

"Thank you Liam…"

She sighed and pulled me over to the bed, "What have you got to lose?"

"You mean besides my dignity and pride?"

"This is no time to be quoting The Little Rascals, Davies," she rolled her eyes. "Besides, you lost those things a long time ago."

She didn't say it maliciously, but I knew she was right.

I looked down at my hands, where my fingers were busy tying themselves into knots, "I should've stopped her when I had the chance…"

***

_Four Days, Eighteen Hours, and Thirty Seven Minutes ago…_

The terminals were buzzing with activity, it was oddly busy for this time at night. People were running in and out of restrooms and gift shops. They were saying goodbye to loved ones or, the smarter folk, were already seated in the boarding area reading their papers or books waiting for the call.

I could see her, about twenty feet ahead of me. That blonde hair, in its usual perfection, looked so tempting and I just wanted to run up to her and…do what? Kiss her? Yeah right. After the things I said to her earlier she'd bitch slap the hell out of me.

God as my witness, I swear I could smell her. Even through the tasty Cinnabon smell, the wall of fast food stench, and the body odor emitted from travelers of endless days and nights. I could smell that distinct Spencer aroma.

She was in the line to board, ticket in hand. I was standing a mere fifteen feet away. If I called out her name, there was no doubt she would've heard me. I watched her hand her ticket to the man in the white polo shirt as he smiled at her. She tried to smile back, but it didn't reach her eyes. Didn't even make it past her nose.

She walked towards the jetway and I backed away slowly from the pillar I was leaning against. There was a big group of people heading towards me from a gate further down the way so I backed up a little more as to not get in their way. I always despised people that stood in the middle of the hallways at school, so at an airport I knew it would be even more annoying.

I felt like I was having a Dumb and Dumber moment. You know, when Lloyd watched Mary walk through along the promenade on her way to her gate.

Just as she reached the doorway she turned around. We locked eyes for a brief second as she turned her head away, but the snapped back do to a double take. Luckily the group was walking past at the time, so I followed along. I didn't want her to know I was really there. I was just saying goodbye…in my own semi stalker way.

I made it back to my car in relatively no time. I was just getting back onto the freeway when I saw her plane fly over my head.

"Goodbye my love…"

There wasn't a car accident though, don't worry. I wasn't a complete moron.

The drive home was completely silent. There were no thoughts going through my head, other than the 'I need to sleep, and I need to sleep now' chant that incessantly went off until I hit my pillow.

***

_Back to the present…_

It was barely a whisper, but she heard it.

With my best friend's arm wrapped around my shoulders I made up my mind. I had to tell Spencer.

"Ky?"

"Yeah Ash?"

I sighed a little and leaned into her, "Help me get her back?"

She dropped her arm and made me face her, a stern look etched on her features.

"Do you really care about her?" I nodded. "Are you willing to risk everything for her?" Another nod. "If she tells you no, or to leave her alone will you bug her and whine until she gives in?"

I didn't really know whether that was a good idea or not. I mean, she might get a restraining order or something. I wouldn't put it past her.

"Well…no. But that's only because she'd cut all ties with me. So maybe that's when you could step in, if need be?"

She mulled it over, even going as far as taking her glasses off and cleaning them like Giles did when he didn't want to see what the Scoobies were doing.

"Ok, I will do you this favor. But in return you must do something for me."

"Name it, Godfather."

She smirked, but it turned into a more serious, but soft smile. "Don't just disappear on her like Taylor did. She wouldn't be able to handle it."

There was no denying that even through all the years of neglect and pain, Kyla loved Spencer no matter what.

I put my right hand over my heart and raised my left, "I solemnly swear that I will never abandon your sister like some other slut faced, ho bagged bitch."

"Good," she grabbed my left hand and pulled it down. "Cause otherwise I'd have to kick your ass." She got a brainless look on her face and pretended she was holding onto a Jeopardy buzzer, "I know kung fu."

"You wanna tangle, Keanu? You wanna tangle?" I said standing up and backing up from the bed.

She stood up too, "You wanna tangle?"

I broke my stance and casually walked towards the door, "No."

She burst with laughter and chased me down the stairs.

I knew what I had to do though. I just had to man up enough to do it.


	33. Bye Bye Bye

**Chapter 32: Bye Bye Bye**

adhasnovds: we need to talk  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh look the prodigal deb!  
TrojansNotNeeded: did you need to clarify your non feelings for me again?  
TrojansNotNeeded: because I got the memo. Janet used Amy.  
adhasnovds: spencer  
adhasnovds: i'm sorry  
TrojansNotNeeded: ...  
adhasnovds: i totally wigged out on you the other night. i shouldn't have done that. and i really am sorry. but i need you to come back to LA  
TrojansNotNeeded: and why should i believe you?  
adhasnovds: cuz i'm cute?  
TrojansNotNeeded: stop that.  
adhasnovds: what?  
TrojansNotNeeded: making me almost smile through my intense anger at you  
adhasnovds: fine. you wanna know why you should believe me?  
TrojansNotNeeded: is this going to be a moving monologue worthy of the most climactic scene in a romantic drama when the hero realizes she's made a huge mistake and goes after the girl?  
adhasnovds: probably not  
TrojansNotNeeded: good, those creep me out. but by all means continue.  
adhasnovds: because i'm not good with monologues  
adhasnovds: anyway  
adhasnovds: uh  
adhasnovds: oh yeah  
TrojansNotNeeded: add much?  
adhasnovds: shhh  
adhasnovds: you'll make me lose it again  
TrojansNotNeeded: god you remind me of ashley.  
adhasnovds: ashley?  
TrojansNotNeeded: yeah my sister's friend. she can't keep a thought straight in her head... she's always like jumping from random subject to random subject  
adhasnovds: oh. well. um.  
TrojansNotNeeded: don't make me shock you with a cattle prod  
TrojansNotNeeded: get going  
adhasnovds: *sigh* i think i'd rather take the cattle prod...  
TrojansNotNeeded: i always knew you were kinky  
adhasnovds: yeah well what can i say  
adhasnovds: ahh see! you're not helping with the add woman  
TrojansNotNeeded: sorry, i'll turn off my sexiness so you can concentrate.  
adhasnovds: is that possible?  
TrojansNotNeeded: i don't know. you only saw me that one time on that fucking video.  
adhasnovds: i gotta say  
adhasnovds: it would've been better if it had been me on top of you  
TrojansNotNeeded: well that was a bit forward of you Janet, I might need to report that to Mr.P  
adhasnovds: um..that's another thing  
TrojansNotNeeded: what is?  
adhasnovds: i'm not actually janet  
TrojansNotNeeded: OMG!  
TrojansNotNeeded: color me so incredibly shocked?  
TrojansNotNeeded: who are you then dear stranger?  
adhasnovds: i'm kinda hoping i'll end up being lucy at the end of this messed up story...  
adhasnovds: but. and don't freak out kay?  
TrojansNotNeeded: i can't promise that. but ill do my darndest.  
adhasnovds: it's ashley  
TrojansNotNeeded: what is?  
adhasnovds: i am  
TrojansNotNeeded: your name is ashley?  
adhasnovds: that would be correct  
TrojansNotNeeded: so that would be why you got all weird when i said that my sisters friends name was ashley.  
TrojansNotNeeded: gotcha.  
adhasnovds: no  
TrojansNotNeeded: no?  
adhasnovds: i got weird because  
TrojansNotNeeded: you know ashley?  
adhasnovds: i am ashley  
TrojansNotNeeded: you mean..  
adhasnovds: yeah...  
TrojansNotNeeded: are you sure?  
adhasnovds: spencer carlin  
TrojansNotNeeded: yes?  
adhasnovds: stay with me  
TrojansNotNeeded: where?  
adhasnovds: oh my god  
adhasnovds: you're talking to ashley davies!  
TrojansNotNeeded: ... curly brown hair.... beautiful brown eyes?  
adhasnovds: oozes sexiness  
adhasnovds: under her nerdy exterior  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh  
TrojansNotNeeded: my  
TrojansNotNeeded: god  
adhasnovds: you said you wouldn't freak out!  
TrojansNotNeeded: well that was before you revealed like the biggest effing secret ever!!!!!  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh wait.. this means i totally only have feelings for two people!  
TrojansNotNeeded: thats the only good that this revelation can reveal!  
adhasnovds: um..  
adhasnovds: kay?  
TrojansNotNeeded: you are so dead.  
adhasnovds: what?! why!?  
TrojansNotNeeded: how long did you know who i was?!  
TrojansNotNeeded: YOU LIED TO ME!!! you're so hot. BUT YOU LIED!  
adhasnovds: you mean technically? umm...like...a little over a week? or so?  
adhasnovds: and what was i supposed to do? it wasn't supposed to be you on the other line!  
TrojansNotNeeded: i can't believe its you.  
adhasnovds: is that a good thing like the 'i can't believe it's not butter' commercials?  
TrojansNotNeeded: im not supposed to be happy about this! im supposed to be mad at you!  
adhasnovds: well...  
adhasnovds: does that mean you'll come back?  
TrojansNotNeeded: for you?  
adhasnovds: sure  
TrojansNotNeeded: no.  
adhasnovds: or some in n out  
TrojansNotNeeded: tempting but no.  
adhasnovds: why?  
TrojansNotNeeded: my mom doesnt want me there anymore.  
adhasnovds: who cares? your mom's a bitch. we all know this!  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh god this is so weird, you know my mom.  
TrojansNotNeeded: which means.. you know taylor.  
adhasnovds: i know everyone in your life spencer  
TrojansNotNeeded: i thought you hated me  
adhasnovds: so did i...  
TrojansNotNeeded: what changed?  
adhasnovds: you showed me there really was a person under that cold, shiny, hard plastic regina george skin you feel the need to constantly wear  
TrojansNotNeeded: its actually very moisturized and exfoliated skin but whatevs...  
adhasnovds: come back  
TrojansNotNeeded: i cant  
adhasnovds: why  
TrojansNotNeeded: because.  
adhasnovds: give me one good reason  
TrojansNotNeeded: i have a secret  
adhasnovds: oh yeah? what? you're pregnant with mulder's baby? because kyla would be totally thrilled about that  
TrojansNotNeeded: i always hoped it was you. deep down, when i closed my eyes and pictured janet's face. it was yours.  
adhasnovds: yeah i know. we had many conversations of you telling me you pictured me as...me  
TrojansNotNeeded: that must have been awkward for you..  
TrojansNotNeeded: well i guess not  
TrojansNotNeeded: because you didnt actually know i was referring to you you.  
TrojansNotNeeded: god this is confusing.  
adhasnovds: seriously  
TrojansNotNeeded: so what if i came home? what then ash?  
adhasnovds: what do you want to happen  
TrojansNotNeeded: well in a perfect world we could be together, but god knows this world isnt perfect. and from what patrick tells me, my little sexcapade is hotter than paris hilton's foray into nightvision  
TrojansNotNeeded: i dont want that reflecting on you.  
adhasnovds: i've had worse said about me...by you and your minions  
TrojansNotNeeded: :-( i'm so sorry.  
adhasnovds: it's whatever  
TrojansNotNeeded: no listen to me  
TrojansNotNeeded: please  
adhasnovds: *sigh* fine. but hurry up, the real world is on in 5 minutes  
TrojansNotNeeded: a part of me always needed to say those things about you because deep down i was scared because somewhere inside of me i could feel it. this thing that i just feel for you. this connection that won't go away. and it isnt an excuse but i was scared and i am sorry for that. more sorry than you'll ever know. because there were mornings when i would walk downstairs and you'd be there with kyla and all i wanted was for you to be there every morning but instead of waking up next to kyla you would be waking up next to me. and thats a scary thought so i covered it up. and i just. i dont deserve you. so thats why i cant come home.  
adhasnovds: spencer...  
TrojansNotNeeded: say my name bitch!  
TrojansNotNeeded: sorry.  
TrojansNotNeeded: what?  
adhasnovds: ugh...fuck  
TrojansNotNeeded: right now?  
adhasnovds: this is serious  
TrojansNotNeeded: sorry. i tend to make jokes when im nervous.  
adhasnovds: you're sitting right?  
TrojansNotNeeded: no im doing pilates on my head.  
adhasnovds: ok  
TrojansNotNeeded: hey  
TrojansNotNeeded: wait  
TrojansNotNeeded: stop  
adhasnovds: you're really in ohio right? not within a-  
TrojansNotNeeded: well no. but before you say what you want to say  
TrojansNotNeeded: please tell me why you want me to come home.  
adhasnovds: well...ya know. kyla really misses you and everything  
TrojansNotNeeded: really?  
TrojansNotNeeded: i miss her too.  
adhasnovds: yeah  
TrojansNotNeeded: anything else?  
adhasnovds: um. well. schools just. not the same and.. someone might have mentioned missing how loud you'd play your car stereo when in the neighborhood. and..  
TrojansNotNeeded: ashley.  
adhasnovds: yeah?  
TrojansNotNeeded: get to the point stutters.  
adhasnovds: are you really going to make me say it?  
TrojansNotNeeded: yes.  
adhasnovds: ...i miss you...  
TrojansNotNeeded: and  
adhasnovds: damien needs regina  
TrojansNotNeeded: i thought damien was gay ?  
TrojansNotNeeded: ;-)  
adhasnovds: ugh  
TrojansNotNeeded: i need you too.  
adhasnovds: *sigh*  
adhasnovds: keep that in mind  
TrojansNotNeeded: why?  
adhasnovds: because you're probably going to run me over with a bus  
TrojansNotNeeded: i can't drive a bus?  
adhasnovds: won't matter  
TrojansNotNeeded: whats wrong?  
adhasnovds: it's about the video  
TrojansNotNeeded: i really am sorry you had to see that. god taylor is such a whore for putting it up  
adhasnovds: spence  
adhasnovds: taylor didn't put it up  
TrojansNotNeeded: who else would be kinky enough to videotape that?  
adhasnovds: it wasn't about kinky. it was about revenge..  
TrojansNotNeeded: revenge?  
adhasnovds: for what you guys did to kyla  
TrojansNotNeeded: who would do that though?  
adhasnovds: ...  
TrojansNotNeeded: you.  
adhasnovds: spencer i'm so sorry  
TrojansNotNeeded: you're sorry?  
adhasnovds: i wasn't even sure what to do with it but then i heard you tell taylor that i meant nothing to you and i just... i'm sorry!  
TrojansNotNeeded: what?! you..... you put it up.  
adhasnovds: yes. but i swear to god i'll make it right again  
TrojansNotNeeded: no.  
adhasnovds: spencer please  
TrojansNotNeeded: you know what you're going to do?  
TrojansNotNeeded: you're going to leave me the fuck alone.  
adhasnovds: spencer  
TrojansNotNeeded: saying my name over and over again isn't going to change what you did!  
adhasnovds: i'm sorry!  
adhasnovds: what would you have done if you were in my position?!  
TrojansNotNeeded: thrown the camera away.  
TrojansNotNeeded: because if it were you... god. you're so stupid. if you cared about me like you said you did... i can't believe you. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU!  
adhasnovds: if i could i never would've done it, i swear! spencer please just...god i'll make it right  
TrojansNotNeeded: no you won't.  
adhasnovds: yes i will  
TrojansNotNeeded: you can't make it right  
TrojansNotNeeded: my mother hates me even more than she used to  
TrojansNotNeeded: the entire student body thinks im a slut.  
TrojansNotNeeded: TAYLOR IS GONE AND I BLAMED HER FOR THIS!  
adhasnovds: she left before the video came out if i remember correctly  
TrojansNotNeeded: yeah she did. because I told her that I had feelings for you!!  
TrojansNotNeeded: because I stopped her before we did anything that day and told her the truth!  
adhasnovds: so why is this a bad thing?!  
TrojansNotNeeded: because. when it came down to it, you both hurt me. the way i see it, neither one of you deserves anything from me anymore.  
TrojansNotNeeded: I'm staying here. Leave me alone.  
adhasnovds: spencer please  
adhasnovds: baby  
TrojansNotNeeded: BABY?! I HATE PET NAMES YOU IDIOT!  
adhasnovds: ahh!  
TrojansNotNeeded: *smacks* shoulda had a v8!  
adhasnovds: :-(  
TrojansNotNeeded: i can't believe you.  
adhasnovds: i love you. you have to believe that, otherwise i would've just let you keep on thinking it was taylor that did it. i wouldn't have come clean  
TrojansNotNeeded: take care of my sister.  
TrojansNotNeeded has signed out.


	34. It's Not the End

**Chapter 33: It's Not The End**

After my utter and epic failure at trying to get Spencer to come back, I immediately called Kyla…who had to call me back because she already had a frantic girl on the line. Yeah, Spencer called her. And yeah, Spencer was pissed off and upset.

Couldn't exactly blame her, you know? She'd just found out her online crush was actually a girl she'd hated for the greater part of the decade, and also the person that effectively ruined her life. Yeah, she definitely had a right to be pissed off and upset.

When Kyla finally called me back, I was surprised to learn that Spencer hadn't lashed out on her when she found out that Kyla knew about what happened. Granted she only knew for a few days, but that was still enough time to inform the girl.

After a long talk, mostly about the amount of incoherent words that came from Regi- god…I can't even call her Regina anymore. It doesn't sound right. It doesn't _feel_ right like it used to. But after the talk, and not a lot of help from my best friend, it was decided something big had to be done. If only to make things here ok for her so she could come back, something BIG had to and would be done.

***

_Two Days Later…_

"In the wake of the scandal at King High involving two of its female students and a video tape that was leaked onto the school's website, another video has hit the web. Ashley Davies, daughter of the late producing mogul Raife Davies, released the video just hours ago and it has already circulated…"

"Ashley Davies made headlines today when she released a video apologizing and declaring her love for Spencer Carlin. Carlin was recently implicated in the controversy…"

"Davies heiress, Ashley, apologizes to and offers up a heartfelt profession of love in her video that's gone viral in such a short time. Neither Davies nor Spencer Carlin were available for comment…"

There it was; plastered all over the news, and sure to reach Ohio (not to mention the rest of the country) within an hour or two. All I could do now was wait.

Yes, I realize I just made a fool out of myself, and I didn't exactly come clean about my transgressions. But admitting my involvement with the tape wasn't something that needed to be broadcasted on national news. I'd take care of that myself, involving only those that needed to be involved.

I knew that going to the school with it meant I'd probably be expelled and my hopes of going to USC would be demolished, but that didn't matter to me anymore. Nothing mattered to me more than making things right, setting the record straight, and taking whatever punishment was given to me.

This wasn't about getting Spencer to come running back to LA for me, I knew she wouldn't. I had to clear my conscience, of everything. That included my feelings for her.

***

The one positive of living in a gated community was that paparazzi and news crews couldn't get near the house. The one positive of living in a mansion was that there were plenty of places to escape in case certain people decided to give me shit.

On the flip side, if I wanted to leave the house I'd have to drive through the mobs of press, and with my luck I'd end up running one…or a few of them over. And if I wandered into a commonly occupied room (e.g., the kitchen) I was forced to deal with the idiocy of my stepsisters.

I was lying on my bed, it'd been a couple days since I'd released the video, softly singing to the music and thinking about this and that (see: Spencer Carlin and my upcoming confession) when I heard my door open and close. I made no effort to acknowledge whoever it was, just continued to sing.

"_Staring out at the world across the street.  
You hate the way your life turned out to be.  
He's pulling up in the driveway  
and you don't make a sound.  
Cause you always learned to hold  
the things you want to say.  
You're always gonna be afraid_

There's only hate.  
There's only tears.  
There's only pain.  
There is no love here.  
So what will you do?  
There's only lies.  
There's only fear.  
There's only pain.  
There is no love here.  
What will you do?"

"God Ash, didn't you do enough singing this week?"

It's Kyla, and she's referring to the video, and my attempt to sing in it.

I turned down the music a bit and sat up so I could give her what I hoped to be a withering look, but was probably more pathetic than anything. I know I'm not the next American Idol or anything, but my voice isn't _that_ bad. Plus I just spilled my guts to America, and I'd heard nothing from a certain blonde. Not that I was…ok yeah. I was stupidly hoping she'd at least email, but nothing.

"If all you came here to do was make fun of me then you can leave," I said while resuming my recumbent state.

She sat down, or rather plopped down, next to me on the bed and smiled sadly.

"Ash, c'mon. You know I'm not here to make fun of you, I think it was sweet. Ten bucks says Cal wouldn't do that for me."

"Yes he would," I glanced over at her. "He'd even do a little dance with it I'm sure."

"Yeah, you're right. He is kinda whipped huh?" she chuckled lightly.

I threw her a half hearted smile that faded as soon as it appeared. My mind instantly drifted back to a certain blonde, off in a far away land…called Ohio.

Kyla sighed and slid down on the bed so she could lie next to me. She propped her head up with her right hand, while her left played with the quilt we were on top of.

"So…you decided to not come completely clean to America huh?"

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, "What I did is none of their business."

"Not that how I feel about her is their business either, but ya know…" I added after a minute.

She nodded a little and turned over so she could lie on her back.

We laid there, one of our companionable silences washed over us, but something nagged at me.

I glanced over at her out of the corner of my eye, and then set my gaze back to the ceiling.

"Have you heard from her?"

She beat me to the question. I wanted to scoff at the utter stupidity of it, but it was Kyla.

"No," I replied quietly. "Have you?"

Nothing but silence came from her, so I figured she didn't hear me.

"Have you heard from her?" I said a little louder.

Still silent. Something wasn't right.

I sat up and looked at her and repeated myself for the last time.

"Kyla, have you heard from her?"

Her face contorted, somewhat painfully, as she avoided eye contact. Obviously she did hear from Spencer.

"Uh, yeah…I did."

And obviously, it wasn't good.

***

Not good at all.

I thought it was going to be something like, she has a girlfriend.

Ugh, that thought alone killed me. But I could deal with that. I figured (naively) she'd date the girl for a little while, then realize she wasn't me and call. Naturally I'd be waiting; ready to do whatever it was she wanted me to.

Nope.

According to Kyla, Spencer's decided to stay in Ohio permanently.

"Ash, I'm sorry. I tried, really I did. But you know how she is when she sets her mind to something."

I sighed dejectedly, "Yeah, I know."

After a long silence she patted my leg and stood from the bed.

"Tomorrow's Sunday, come over ok? No more wallowing in this room"

"I'll consider it," was mumbled into the pillow I'd pulled over my face.

"Ashley Davies you will be at my house tomorrow at 1 p.m. sharp or you can find yourself a new best friend!" she yelled while she whipped said pillow across the room.

I rolled my eyes, not quite believing she actually just used a Ferris Bueller tactic on me. The look on her face though told me I had no choice but to agree.

"Fine, whatever."

"Great! See you then."

After she'd flounced out, I rolled over.

"Yeah…great."

My hope was that Spencer's door would be closed this time. It was a lot easier to pretend she'd never existed that way.


	35. I Wanna Go Back

**Chapter 34: I Wanna Go Back**

MuldersSecretLover: God Spencer, you didn't have to change your screenname.  
SCforUSC: who told you?  
MuldersSecretLover: Glen.  
SCforUSC: That rat bastard.  
SCforUSC: I would have told you eventually. I've just been...  
MuldersSecretLover: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.  
SCforUSC: You don't need to apologize. I know you didn't have anything to do with the night vision sexcapades  
MuldersSecretLover: Regardless, you got put into a shitty situation.  
SCforUSC: Hasn't she gotten tired of releasing embarrassing videos yet?  
MuldersSecretLover: Cut her some slack.  
SCforUSC: Slack?  
SCforUSC: Sure I'll cut her some slack, while I'm loosening the noose around her neck.  
MuldersSecretLover: Well I mean, you won't talk to her. She had to tell you somehow.  
SCforUSC: Would you cut her slack? If she was the reason why thousands of people knew what you looked like naked?  
MuldersSecretLover: Uh...eventually.  
SCforUSC: I'm so angry about this whole thing. I just want to HI YAH! and HOO AH! And then I'd kick her!  
MuldersSecretLover: Kick her you say?  
SCforUSC: Yes. I'd kick her sir.  
MuldersSecretLover: Spence...  
SCforUSC: Yes all powerful Oz? Is that you?  
MuldersSecretLover: Come home.  
SCforUSC: Ew. Why? I much prefer the rain, clouds and doom of Ohio.  
MuldersSecretLover: Because you left your...Jimmy Choos?  
SCforUSC: omg  
SCforUSC: seriously?  
MuldersSecretLover: Well, yeah. But no.  
SCforUSC: How are you and Cal doing? Have you two bumped ugly monkeys yet?  
MuldersSecretLover: We're fine and no, we haven't. Stop changing the subject!  
SCforUSC: i don't want to run into her  
SCforUSC: i don't want to see her face.  
MuldersSecretLover: Yes you do.  
SCforUSC: no i don't!  
MuldersSecretLover: Liar liar, pants on fire!  
SCforUSC: why are you so grammatically correct on the internet Kyla? thats always bothered me.  
SCforUSC: let loose  
SCforUSC: lol once in a while  
MuldersSecretLover: You want me to let loose? Hmm...  
MuldersSecretLover: lyke Z0MGZ!11!! spencerz you hz 2 c0m3 homz  
SCforUSC: woah. that was like sarah jessica parker scary  
MuldersSecretLover: sorry  
SCforUSC: well  
SCforUSC: sarah jessica parker without makeup scary  
MuldersSecretLover: how can you tell which is which?  
SCforUSC: absence of mole.  
MuldersSecretLover: she still scares me  
SCforUSC: me too. i think its the stilettos and lack of fear when using her gold card. that kind of woman is not to be reckoned with  
SCforUSC: like my mom. *shudder*  
MuldersSecretLover: yet another reason to come home. she won't leave me alone!  
SCforUSC: yet another reason to stay away. she's like....  
SCforUSC: whats the word im searching for...  
SCforUSC: right.  
SCforUSC: the devil.  
MuldersSecretLover: she's been in her terminator mood since you left  
SCforUSC: oh my god. did she kill an animal again? i told ben to stop her from shooting those squirrels  
SCforUSC: i swear to god one red leather suit and a bbgun and the woman thinks she's a freaking assassin  
MuldersSecretLover: please don't bring up the red leather again. god i was scarred for life.  
SCforUSC: at least she's not going through her I want to be Britney phase... do you remember the Wade Robeson instruction hip hop video in the living room for a month?  
MuldersSecretLover: worst. month. ever. i had britney in my head every single night  
SCforUSC: oooooooooooooops i sucked dick again!!!!!  
SCforUSC: oh wait.  
SCforUSC: those were mom's lyrics  
MuldersSecretLover: ugh.  
SCforUSC: you should come to ohio for a visit!  
MuldersSecretLover: or. you could just come home!  
SCforUSC: hmm. i'll tell you what.  
SCforUSC: you make me an offer that i can't refuse and i'll come home for the weekend.  
SCforUSC: but  
SCforUSC: you have to beat my offer  
SCforUSC: Ohio. Two days of stuffing our faces with extra chocolatey brownies made by chef arthur carlin and watching x files season 4 because everyone knows thats the best season. Plus you can hang around my brother all you want and should happen to catch a few glances of him with his shirt off, i know you like looking at him don't deny it.  
MuldersSecretLover: tempting, very tempting. but i have cal to look at, and glen's like my brother. i got over that crush.  
SCforUSC: yeah but chef carlin?  
MuldersSecretLover: while i would love to meet your dad, you need to come home.  
SCforUSC: okay i'll come home on one condition  
SCforUSC: you finish this quote  
MuldersSecretLover: hit me baby one more time  
SCforUSC: "We have to talk" "I don't suppose this is about happy squirrels?" "Vampires." "......" fill in the blank.  
MuldersSecretLover: "That was my next guess"  
SCforUSC: sonofabitch!  
MuldersSecretLover: don't mess with the best spencer  
SCforUSC: oh don't you dare make me start cheering  
SCforUSC: madison taught me that cheer  
SCforUSC: don't mess don't mess with the best cuz the best dont mess dont fool dont fool with the cool cuz the cool dont fool at king high school the cobras are the best!  
MuldersSecretLover: ugh. poor ashley. she has to put up with that crap all the time  
SCforUSC: i know. at least you got the lesser evil as a step sister.  
SCforUSC: she has madison AND sherry  
SCforUSC: poor baby  
MuldersSecretLover: what was that?  
SCforUSC: not that i even care if she's unhappy  
SCforUSC: she can rot in hell  
MuldersSecretLover: you totally just called her baby  
SCforUSC: yeah like as in "poor baby" like when your parents said it to you when you were little and they didn't really care about what happened to you  
SCforUSC: not as in "oh baby sink your fingers just a little bit deeper"  
MuldersSecretLover: spencer carlin, you're gay?  
SCforUSC: well yeah. indeed i am. i had this really torrid affair with megan fox and just figured it out.  
MuldersSecretLover: lucky girl  
SCforUSC: you have no idea who she is do you?  
SCforUSC: put transformers down on the list of movies to watch this weekend  
MuldersSecretLover: not a clue. i'm sorry  
SCforUSC: one look at her will clue you in to the joys of rainbow land.  
MuldersSecretLover: if you say so. did you book your ticket yet?  
SCforUSC: yeah  
SCforUSC: i couldnt get a flight to LA until Sunday morning so I'll be there through tues  
SCforUSC: man i love this emergencies only american express. way to go paula.  
MuldersSecretLover: you can go to school!  
SCforUSC: don't push it. pick me up on sunday morning?  
MuldersSecretLover: of course  
SCforUSC: oh and kyla...  
MuldersSecretLover: are you sure you wouldn't rather have ash do it though? ;-)  
SCforUSC: no ashley.  
SCforUSC: whatsoever.  
MuldersSecretLover: uh...ok...  
SCforUSC: i will murder you  
SCforUSC: just like deep throat got murdered on x files.  
SCforUSC: you dig?  
MuldersSecretLover: *gulps* uh. yeah.  
SCforUSC: see ya sunday.  
SCforUSC has signed off


	36. Legally Blonde

**Chapter 35: Legally Blonde**

I'd gotten to Kyla's a bit earlier than expected. I was antsy, and various squeals that carried throughout the house told me if I stayed there any longer I'd have to smack the Cheertarded girls I was forced to call my step sisters.

Really, what did I do to deserve such torment in the form of Madison and Sherry?

I walked in the house; not bothering to knock as I knew her parents wouldn't be home. Kyla always told me when I came over to just walk right in and vice versa.

There was a strange aroma in the air from the direction of the kitchen, but knowing my best friend she probably tried to mimic Eddie's Million Dollar Cook Off again.

I took notice that Spencer's door was [thankfully] closed as I traipsed down the hall to the uncharacteristically half opened door.

"Kyla I can't find my calc book, did I leave it he- what the hell?"

No. This wasn't happening.

"Oh no, not you. I thought we had this place exterminated."

Derailed was the plan to forget by her mere presence. She was visibly not ok with me being within 500 feet of her, let alone the 10 that separated us. But regardless, I was going to get through this immensely awkward situation. With flying colors no less.

"Sandy?" I said hoping to lighten the mood.

"Satan?" she replied with more venom than a rattlesnake.

Well that didn't work out well. Oh well, onward!

"No, Danny. Danny Zucco."

She looked at me appraisingly, "I should have known by that ridiculous jacket."

I checked out my ensemble, an older leather jacket covered my simple 'Talk Nerdy To Me' tee, "Bite me, this jacket rocks." A quick comeback that I couldn't resist popped into my head, "Can't say the same for your fugly vest though."

Her face contorted in confusion, "I'm not wearing a-" realization dawned, "HEY! No Regina George references!"

"Well if the size 5 fits..." I shrugged.

"Aren't you supposed to be kissing some major ass right now Davies?" she spat with a scoff and a glare.

Now entering the stadium, Cliff Pant-one.  
_Pintone_.

"I thought...I had?"

Insert raise of a single of her perfectly sculpted eyebrows, "How? Your little commercial?"

"Well yeah, I mean. Duh? I sang in front of the entire world for you. How is that not kissing major ass?"

Honestly, I knew it wasn't enough. But it was all I could think to do. I still had every intention of going to the school about what I'd done as well that coming week.

She laughed; but it was hollow and unfunny. Not at all like the genuine laugh I'd come to know through the years. Turning away from me, she walked towards the window and stared out into the neighborhood; resentment marred her beautiful features. A pang in my heart made me ill to know that I was the cause.

"You released a sex tape of me; you lied to me; you made me fall in love with you and then broke my heart in half." She shook her head and turned back to face me; undiluted hatred seeped from her ice cold eyes, "You aren't even close to getting back into my good graces."

I clenched my jaw, knowing she was completely right and yet still feeling as though I was getting all of the blame. Sure, I knew I was the majority share holder in this, but there were other events and people that led to it…right?

"As I recall you did three fourths of those things to me first."

"Well I'm not moving back." After a pause to look out the window again, her eyes returned to mine. "And I'm not forgiving you."

Her voice was so faint, vulnerable that I couldn't help it when I stepped closer to her, just one step.

"Then why are you here?" It was an equally quiet voice, but when something clicked it raised. "And where the hell is Kyla? I'm going to kill her."

"She's downstairs getting me chocolate popcorn. And I'm here visiting."

"Chocolate popcorn? You're so weird..." I said with a shiver.

Seriously, who eats that?

She chuckled; actually somewhat entertained, "Says the girl who is secretly in love with Bon Jovi."

My face burned with embarrassment. I knew that'd come bite me in the ass eventually.

"Well it's not really a secret after that video."

"Neither is my birthmark. Or my Tattoo." She added the tattoo bit as an afterthough.

"Interesting placement for that by the way."

Trying to appear less than amused (but failing miserably), "I'll assume that by interesting you mean sexy."

I smirked, "Been reading my thesaurus?"

"Yeah, that one that has my name written inside a thousand hearts on the cover." She grinned.

My jaw dropped. The audacity of that girl!

"It does not!"

Really, it doesn't.

"Fine," she shrugged. "Nine hundred and ninety nine times."

I scowled at her. Of all the nerve…

"God you're such a smartass, how was I ever attracted to you?"

"I could remind you." Flirtatiousness oozed, and as she realized what had just slipped from her luscious lips her eyes bugged out. "No! Away from me bad thoughts!"

"Why Spencer Carlin, I do believe you just propositioned me." Slowly I sauntered towards her. A devilish glint took home in my eye, "I might just have to take you up on that."

Her eyes, if possible, went wider and she started to back away. She seemed almost frightened.

"Hey wait! No!" she'd backed herself into Kyla's desk and I was right in front of her. She was trapped. "Ashley Davies. Get your perfect lips away from mine!"

I dragged my gaze from her pouty mouth torturously back to her deep blue orbs, "I'm sorry, we have to accept your first response." I brought my lips a breath away from hers and whispered, "And that was, 'Stop talking, ok? And just kiss me you fool.'"

"I refuse!" she squeaked and threw her hands up to block my descent. Her eyes were screwed shut, "Where the hell is Kyla?! I'm going to kill her!"

"Spencer what the hell are you doing?" I mumbled against her soft skin.

"Hiding from you. Because in the Buffster's universe when people are as hot as you, they are usually demons!" she opened her eyes, looking every bit adorable. "Just ask Xander!"

I stepped away, willing to give her some space. Knowing she needed it in fact.

"Xander's not here, so you'll just have to do a thorough search yourself. I'll lock the door and you can strip me down and have your naughty, _naughty_ way with me."

But that didn't mean I wasn't going to keep going full steam ahead with my lines. Why should I? They were having a, if nothing else, comical effect on her.

"I'll pretend that I was not tempted by that and ask you to leave." She sighed and looked away. "Please leave....your clothes at the door."

She'd muttered the last part and I had almost missed it.

Almost.

I shrugged my shoulders again, "If that's what you really want..."

Another devious little plot popped into my head when I walked towards the door. I saw a pen sitting on Kyla's nightstand though, so I grabbed it and made sure she was at least partially watching before I dropped it in that oh so subtle way.

"Oh no, I think I dropped something on the floor that I need to pick up."

I proceeded to do the Bend and Snap. Yes, that's right. It worked too as her eyes popped again and her jaw fell. A bit of drool puddled at the corner too, I'm sure.

"Oh damn you." She growled out and walked towards the door herself.

I thought she was going to leave, but when she shut and locked the door instead I backed away slightly; completely confused.

"Usually leaving requires one to actually...leave the room."

"Well leaving requires me to have all of my body parts with me. Internal organs and such." She turned back to face me, a certain degree of sadness in her eyes, "And I couldn't really leave without my heart."

I swallowed thickly, not really liking the direction of the conversation. Or the look she was giving me. "Do you really want it back?"

"Yeah, and I see right where I left it."

She sexily slithered towards me, abruptly stopped, and popped out a bend and snap of her own.

"Uh...er...um..."

What I wanted to say was, 'DO IT AGAIN!'

"That's what I thought Davies."

She walked out of the room, clearly satisfied with herself. That smug little…

My brain finally kicked back in and I yelled for her, "Spencer!"

She stuck her head back through the doorway, "Is this where you dramatically run toward with me begging for one last chance?"

"Do you want me to?"

I'd do it in a heartbeat.

"No. I want you to burn in hell."

Well then…

Fully coming into the room she stopped in front of me and looked me dead in the eyes. "I want you to get out my mind and my heart. I want you to understand that I don't understand anything anymore. I want you to see that I can't breathe without you but that I can't be anywhere near you."

That shattering noise you may have heard? Yeah, that was my heart. Once again, shattered; and yet was beating so incredibly fast I felt like I was going to die right there.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say, because I said everything I felt and still feel in the video. I just...ugh. I just want you to know that I'm giving up my chance at USC. I'm going to go to the school with what I did. It just doesn't matter anymore. You do, your reputation does. And even though I don't like the chick, Taylor was an innocent party too. She didn't deserve it...entirely."

I'd said it all in practically one breath and she looked at me, stunned.

"Man. You're a freak." She shook her head and walked towards Kyla's bed.

I really did want to know where the hell she was, I knew she planned this and I wanted to give her a piece of my mind, but I focused on the conversation at hand.

"In your opinion I always have been."

"Yes well it didn't stop me from having very vivid sex dreams about you."

I think my favorite part about that was she was completely nonchalant about it.

"That was hot, by the way."

"Oh jesus. I forgot you were freaking Janet. AHH!" she covered her face and dropped to the bed. Not even a second later though, she shot back up. "Holy fucking shit, look over there! What in the hell is that?!"

Rolling my eyes, I sighed, "I'm not Kia."

"Oh look. It's me." I was suddenly aware of her close proximity to and the intensity of which she leered at me.

"I triple dog dare you Davies." She whispered.

Another thick swallow, "To what? What do you want Carlin?"

"If you don't know by now," she moved in slightly. "You are the damn dumbest smart kid I know."

How my heart didn't explode in that moment I'll never know. What I did know though, was Spencer Carlin was so close, her pants of breath were harshly sweet on my lips. I couldn't think straight, so I did what I do best.

"Well there are theories about that..."

Ruined the moment.

She pushed me back roughly, but kept a tight hold on my jacket. "Oh my god. Would you just fucking kiss me already and make this season finale material?!"

Oh yeah, that's right. I had her beggin' for it.

"If you insist." I smirked.

"You would smirk." She glared at me. "Whore."

I cupped her face and gently stroked my thumb over her right cheek.

"I love it when you talk dirty."

Tentatively we leaned in, almost agonizingly slow in pace. We were literally a hair away from making that delicious contact we both so desperately craved.

"SPENCER, YOUR POPCORN IS DONE!"

God I was going to kill her.

"Hmm..." Spencer pondered out loud. "Hot, sexy kiss with an amazing girl or chocolate popcorn?"

She wasn't really considering this right? It was an obvious choice wasn't it?

Wasn't it?!

"Don't you dare say popcorn..." I grumbled.

"But I'm hungry." She pouted cutely.

Damn her.

"Eat _me_."

If that didn't work, what would with her?!

She looked completely torn about what to do, but I definitely saw that gulp and the subtle licking of her lips.

"I'll be right back. Do not move."

Jaw. Dropped.

In disbelief I watched as she, quite quickly, tried escaped from the room.

"Spencer Carlin if you leave this room I swear to god I will..." I had to think of something good. Freaky Friday streamed through my brain, "I will KILL myself!"

My cheeks puffed out like a chipmunks as I held my breath.

"How long can the human body go without oxygen? Hopefully long enough for this."

She left. She _actually_ left! UGH! Again I screamed [in my head] damn that girl!

Letting out the breath I'd been holding, I let myself fall to the floor and closed my eyes. I heard someone run back into the room, and since there wasn't a girly scream, I knew it wasn't Kyla.

"Hey!" she poked me with her foot. "Wake up!"

I kept my eyes closed.

"I think I need mouth to mouth."

"But you're talking. Doesn't that mean you're breathing? In first aid that sexy little firefighter said that mouth to mouth was only to be used in a non-breathing situation..."

Internally I had to roll my eyes. She was definitely a natural blonde if she didn't understand what I was hinting at.

"Telepathy. It just looks like my lips are moving. Quick, I'm turning blue."

The sound of thumping feet and a small 'oof!' from Spencer told me it was Kyla about to perform CPR.

"Kyla get the HELL off me!" my eyes shot open and I pushed her off before she could get too close.

I sat up and shot a look at the blonde goddess that was fighting to hold in her laughter.

"Ky can we have a minute?"

The nerdy girl I called my best friend looked up to her sister and nodded, "If you promise not to have sex on my bed."

Spencer held up her right hand for Kyla, "I promise."

She missed the crossed fingers behind her back. Sneaky, sneaky Miss Carlin.

"I think Veruca needs an Everlasting Gobstopper..."

"Spencer!"

"What?!" the blonde innocently asked.

Kyla turned to me while rolling her eyes, "Ash, do _you_ promise not to have sex with my sister on my bed? And no finger crossing."

She sent a pointed look to Spencer who quickly averted her gaze.

"Yeah, yeah." I said standing up and dusting off my butt. "For five minutes. Anything after that is off the table."

"Ashley?"

I turned my head towards Spencer, "Yes'm?"

"Why don't we go to my room?"


	37. Nobody's Perfect

**Chapter 36: Nobody's Perfect**

Ashley's POV:

We stepped out of Kyla's room, but I stopped. I wasn't really sure what to expect going into the lion's den. The whole scene from before could've just been for show as to not ruin any of Kyla's belongings with blood spatter.

When she realized she was walking alone she turned around and gave me a questioning look.

"Are you coming or what?"

Well if that isn't a double entendre…

I crossed my arms and donned a sexy little smirk, "Are you offering?"

"Is everything sexual with you?"

Despite rolling her eyes, she couldn't hide the blush that crept up on her cheeks.

"Only when you're involved." I shrugged.

"How flattering. Keep walking, and don't think I didn't just see you look at my ass."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I chuckled.

She playfully pushed me inside and shut the door behind us.

It felt extremely awkward, both of us being in that place. Understandably so I guess, considering everything that had happened. Everything that was my fault…

"Well I'd show you around my room, but you've been in here before." She felt the weirdness too; it was present in her body language. She hardly looked at me, keeping her eyes to the walls instead. "You can sit anywhere you want, this shouldn't take long."

"I don't want no minute man, Spencer. I like it slow."

It was my attempt to break the tension; I don't think it worked though.

"As much as you want me to sex you up at the minute, I've got other things on my mind."

She walked further into her room, still half avoiding my eyes.

"Kinky foreplay?" I grinned.

That got her to look at me fully, though it was more of a withering gaze.

"Do you just expect me to forgive you? Just like that?" She touched a picture on her desk before turning back again. "Your dimples won't get you out of everything Davies."

"It was worth a shot."

"So the true question is: why do you deserve to be forgiven?" She sat down at her desk and stared at me. "Besides your abs. Don't even answer with that."

"Well..." I bit my lip trying to come up with something quick. "How bout my sweet sensitive eyes, like that of a kitten?"

I fluttered my eyes a little just for effect; thank you Chuck and Larry.

"Try again." Damn it. "Stop doing that with your eyes! That come hither look, it won't work!"

That didn't sound too convincing…

"You sure?"

"No. That's why you should stop."

Mmhmm.

"You're lying to me Spencer Carlin."

"What?" Her posture got a bit defensive. "About what could I possibly be lying?"

I smirked and started moving towards her.

"Wanting to jump my bones multiple times over right now."

She gulped a little, a small blush creeping up her cheeks again.

"That will not get us anywhere."

"It'd still be fun though." I said nonchalantly.

"Agreed." She gasped and stood up as she realized yet another Freudian slip. "NO!"

"HA! I KNEW IT!"

"I can't do casual sex. I just can't. After what happened with Taylor…" Those piercing blue eyes sucked me in again with so much sorrow running rampant through them. "I can't just do this with you and have you walk out of here and I never see you again." There were countless unshed tears threatening to spill out as she pitifully whispered, "It would kill me."

"Who said you'd never see me again?"

"I'm going back to Ohio."

She wiped her eyes, not risking a complete meltdown.

"Why?"

"Because. I have a life there."

I took a step towards her, but she moved away. It didn't deter me though, I grabbed her lightly and made her face me.

"No, you have a life here."

"No I have a mother who hates me, a girlfriend who abandoned me, an ex-boyfriend who keeps proposing, an internet crush who efficiently crushed me, a best friend who might actually be in love with my ex-boyfriend and one supportive sister. Oh and then there's you." Well, that didn't sound good. "You and your damn dimples, and your damn eyes, and your damn abs, and your damn laugh, and your damn way of making me goddamn crazy."

I tried not to smile at her compliments. She was cute when she rambled.

"You also have a national champion step team of which you're the captain of. You have USC next year. You have a hot ass mustang. And...ya know." I averted my eyes, not being able to look at her with this next part. "A girl who made a big mistake, but is willing to do whatever it takes for you to forgive her and, if possible, give her another chance?"

I opened my arms and gave her a sweet smile.

"Wait. What are you doing? Why are you coming closer? Stay back you fiend."

"Don't look at me like I'm fricken Frankenstein, give your former enemy a hug."

"I don't want a hug." The Spencer Carlin pout was firmly in place.

I dropped my arms, "What do you want?"

An exasperated and harsh sigh escaped her full lips, "Don't ask me what I want. You know what I want." She walked over towards the door and turned back around. "It isn't about what I want… It's about what I can handle."

It was silent for what seemed like an eternity. To be entirely and utterly cliché, you could cut the tension with a knife.

"I'm sorry. I just can't. Give me a minute, I need to talk to my Yoda." Opening the door, she walked out, but popped her head back in a second later. "Don't go anywhere." She pointed a finger at me.

"You have a Yoda?"

"I have a Kyla, which transforms into a Yoda."

I mentally slapped myself as I recalled the time she mentioned that in a conversation of ours.

"Oh, right. Well I'll just...wait here I guess."

She nodded and with that, all I could do was wait.

* * *

**Spencer's POV:**

"KYLA!" I screeched from the doorway of her room as I leapt inside slamming the door behind me.

"SPENCER?!" Kyla yelped fumbling with her remote and looking a bit panicked. She'd jumped into the air when I'd slammed the door and I immediately began to pace. I glanced at her and our eyes locked for a moment.

"Help." One word whispered from my lips and a bit of the irritation sifted out of her eyes.

"With what?" She asked me while she angrily attacking the small remote and pushed on the off button repeatedly. "I didn't hear any blood curdling screams or vases breaking; I took that as a good sign."

"I can't do this with her though. I mean. All of these feelings are like... so irritating." I rolled my eyes heavily and looked to her for my support. Obviously I was right wasn't I? Ashley was insufferable, thus my difficulty in getting rid of her.

"Loving someone is irritating?" Kyla inquired. My step-sister lifted the remote and scratched the side of her head with it, looking positively uninterested.

"YES!" I screamed at once and realized what I had just said. NO! I meant no! Quick backtrack Spencer! "I mean, I don't love her!"

"Oh you don't?" Kyla's eyes were burning a hole through me now and I melted under her perceptive glare. She'd seen right through me since the first day. Damn you moon boots.

"Well. I do. But it shouldn't have any bearing on the past future or present!" I spun around and stopped dead in my tracks. I stared at the glow of the flat screen for a moment and felt a grin pull at the corner's of my mouth. "Pause." I held my hands up and turned around to face her. "Kyla. What are you watching?"

"UH." It was not the most eloquent of responses I'd ever heard from her. I folded my arms across my chest and regarded her with an amused face. I waited until she began again. "N-Nothing!"

"Is that…?" I began as I pointed at the flash of bleached blonde bad wig.

"NO!" She squealed desperately trying to turn the television off. But it was too late. I'd seen it.

"Oh my god." I breathed out in more than an amused hiss.

"Get out Spencer!" Kyla said angrily glaring at me. I, of course, did not follow instructions.

"But why? Apparently," I began drawing the words out very slowly. "You have the best of both world's in here."

"Get out of my room." Her voice turned icy and I felt fear prickle the back of my neck. One time when we'd been about eleven, Kyla had used this exact tone with me followed immediately by a Barbie that had to be surgically removed from my ear. Who knew she didn't like the gangsta bitch Barbie from the hood? "NOW."

I deliberated for a moment in my head, weighing my options and figuring out whether or not I wanted to be stuck in the emergency room with a small plastic woman weighed down with bling in my ear. I was going to risk it. This was much too good. "ASHLEY!! COME QUICK!! KYLA'S DEAD!!"

She burst into the room not even three seconds after I screamed.

"WHAT?!" She looked around confused, at the very alive Kyla on her bed looking horrified and then looked at the very smug looking me. "What in the hell is going on?!"

"Look at the flat screen," I said extending a shaky finger to the bobbing and gyrating blonde on the screen. Her pink microphone attached to her head and sat in front of her undoubtedly lip synching mouth. Ashley's gaze followed my finger and her eyes narrowed as she saw it.

"Oh god. Ky, I thought we talked about this."

"Look at that girl. Damn. Is she 18?" I asked as Hannah Montana shimmied down the 3-d walkway. Both girls looked at me with disgust and I shrugged.

"Spencer, she's like 15. Perv." Ashley said rolling her eyes adorably and doing that damn crinkle nose thing. My stomach flipped a little and suddenly an idea began to formulate.

"Guys," Kyla whined. Ashley had moved closer to me, increasing my heart rate and effectively derailing my concentration. "Seriously get out of my room."

"Ashley." I cleared my throat. She'd moved even closer, the tips of her toes now brushing mine and I shivered as her finger traced a burning line down the bare skin of my arm. "I have an idea."

"You. Me. Cold shower?" Ashley pressed hopefully.

"Nope. Remember how you said you would do anything for me?"

"I may recall that," she answered with a slight quiver in her voice. Her brown eyes flicked nervously over my body and I paused for a moment, enjoying the control I had over her.

"Go back to my room and wait for me. I'll be there in two point five." I growled pushing her away from me.

"Okay." Ashley walked briskly out of Kyla's room and I turned to my sister.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate you?" Kyla asked me, trying to sound angry, though the smile behind her eyes gave her away.

"Does she claw or bite?" I asked her. What I was about to ask Ashley to do would either make her love me even more, or she would end up fighting me. Either way, I wanted to be fully prepared.

"Hair puller."

"Mmm yummy." It was a reflexive answer but Kyla squealed and pushed me out of the room. I popped my head in a moment later and grinned like a madwoman before I began to sing. "I miss youuuuuuuuuuuuu. I miss your smiiiiiillllllllee."

"GET OUT!" she yelled while hurling a pillow at me.

I screamed and ran all the way back to my room.


	38. Flames At Last Consume

**Chapter 37: Flames At Last Consume**

The door to my room stood partially open and I burst through it with surprising force. Ashley stood in the center of the room staring at me with those perfect brown eyes.

"Why are you screaming?" She asked as I slid to a less than graceful stop in front of her. I kept my prize behind my back and inched toward my dresser, slipping it into the top drawer.

"Kyla threw a pillow at me." I answered and held my hand up before she could comment. "So I have a deal for you."

"I can't wait to hear this," Ashley said with a bemused expression playing across her features.

"I am prepared to begin forgiving you. If you do something for me." I said with a hint of teasing in my tone. Honestly, I didn't need her to do this. I was already on the road to forgiving her. Who wouldn't be? Look at her. She's beautiful. I mean really gorgeous. Those lips. Those hips. Oh right, back to the story. Sorry about my inner voice, sometimes it loses track of reality.

I pulled the contract out of the back pocket of my blue jeans and thrust it at her. Watching her eyes widen made me smile a little. She was adorable.

"What the…" Ashley looked up at me with large eyes and I knew that she was questioning my motives.

"Oh yes. It is happening. I just need you to sign here."

"I hereby pledge to… WHAT?! You want me to do what?!" She shrieked at me. I simply nodded and watched as she put the pen I'd handed her to paper. Even the way she signed her name in loopy script was sexy.

"I feel like Ursula." I said looking at her as she concentrated on the paper before her. Of course it wasn't a professional contract, I'd written it on a paper napkin earlier in the kitchen. It still counted though. She licked her bottom lip in concentration and I nearly died.

I had to focus. Stop. STOP THINKING ABOUT HER NAKED SPENCER! All right, that was my wake up call. I feel much better now. Now just maintain a clear mind-dimples. Ugh. Will it never cease?

"Okay I need you to stand over here." I placed her on the opposite side of the room. Very far away from me. "And I'll stand over here."

"Can't we do something else?" Her voice oozed sex appeal. My resolve was failing me. Quick think of mud, think of hairless rats! Much better.

"You win the game and I'll do whatever you want tonight. Whatever you want." She seemed interested and I continued, my evil plot was in motion. "But if I win… you do whatever I want. For the rest of time."

"Well that doesn't seem particularly fair…" she trailed off into thought and her eyebrows scrunched together adorably.

"You get me for the rest of time and you're arguing?" I inquired with a smirk. I so had her in the palm of my hand. Oh to have her in the palm of my-HAIRLESS RATS!

"Hey who said anything about arguing?" She answered quickly.

I tossed my blonde hair over my shoulder and chuckled. "Okay. First person to reach the center of the room wins. Kyla is going to ask the trivia questions. For each question you answer correctly you get to take a step."

"Kyla's not here."

Damn. I knew my plan had a flaw. One moment please.

"KYLA IF YOU DON'T COME IN HERE I'M GOING TO CALL CAL AND TELL HIM THAT YOU WERE WATCHING HANNAH MONTANA'S CONCERT!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. After a moment I decided to emphasize my point. "TWICE!!!"

"That wasn't entirely necessary." Ashley said while concealing a smile behind her hand. Her smooth gorgeous sensual- MUD!!! Kyla picked the most appropriate time to burst through the door of my room and scrambled my thoughts back into order. Ah a third person party to keep the peace.

"I really hate you." Or not.

"Buffy and Disney trivia is the only way to settle this!" I said with an emphatic shrug.

"And I need to be here why?" Kyla asked with less malice in her voice. There was still no warmth though. Who could blame her for that? I had blackmailed her with Hannah Montana. It was low, even for me.

"For it to be fair. Because we'll both cheat and argue and you know more about both subjects than either of us." I explained pointing to Ashley when I said the word cheat.

"Ugh, fine. First question. How many times did Buffy die throughout the series?" AHA! I knew this!

"BUZZ!" I yelled, causing both Ashley and Kyla to jump in alarm. What can I say? I'm a competitive woman. Especially when it comes to Ashley doing what I want for the rest of time.

"Spencer?" Kyla asked. She sounded tired but I knew that secretly she was amused. A very scary eye roll later I wasn't so sure.

"2." I said smugly. Though my heart ached remembering the season five finale as I saw the Buffster jump through the energy field in order to save her fake sister. Though I realized now that I would jump through an energy field to save Kyla from certain death and world apocalypse.

"Correct." Kyla said shaking her head knowingly at me. No doubt, she could hear my inner monologue. I took one huge step forward and ignored Ashley's cries of protest at my "dinosaur" step.

"Question two. According to legend, what do the leaves rustling up say in the Lion King?"

"DING!" Ding?! Who the heck dings?! Apparently Ashley.

"Ash?" Kyla asked holding up her hand to silence my protest of the word Ding. What? It's a weird word.

"Sex." She answered and my brain flew out of my skull and into my pants. She said sex. Oh the possibilities. The scenarios. I pinched myself hard on the inside of my wrist and shook my head at her.

"You would know that."

"Your point being?" Ashley looped her fingers through her belt loops and my mouth watered. Those should be my fingers, pulling her closer to me, pressing our bodies together-NAKED MOLE RATS!

"Next question," I growled out between my clenched teeth. This tension was way too much. Explosions could happen. It would be bad. Body parts everywhere. You see the problem?

"True or False, Xander enjoys the taste of principal's." I was just about to answer with false when I spied Ashley toying with the bottom of her body hugging t-shirt. Little by little she inched it up past her belly button and my eyes were exposed to a full onslaught of toned tan flexed abdominal muscles. Oh the horror.

"True," I tripped out. Not thinking about the question anymore. My brain had vacated and was now conveniently located in my pants again.

"Wrong." FUCK!

"Ashley!" I scolded. "Dammit Ashley I can't concentrate when you're ab flashing me."

She pulled down her shirt quickly as Kyla turned to face her. Her angelic expression said it all. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I did no such thing."

"You guys are ridiculous. Why don't you just make out already?"

"Just ask the next question Miley-Holic." I said crossing my arms over my chest and ignoring Ashley's constant gaze on my cleavage. Kyla rolled her eyes but continued along with the game.

"In 101 Dalmatians, what do the dogs use to sneak past Cruella in the little town she tracked them to?" Ashley already had her mouth open to answer and I acted quickly. I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled up my shirt, a la Julia Stiles and flashed her. Misdirection. Oh yeah.

"They roll around in soot to become black labs!" I shouted ignoring Ashley's red cheeks and her shaking head.

"You're such a cheater." She said as I took a step forward. That was it. No one calls me a cheater and gets away with it.

"Cheat? Me?" I asked innocently as I put my hair up into a messy ponytail.

"That's what I said." She answered back sounding a little angry.

"Kyla hold onto my bracelet and my earrings. This is about to get ugly." I shoved the named items at my sister and put my fists up. "Let's go bitch!"

"Whoa, whoa whoa! This is trivia, not American Gladiators." Kyla semi-screamed while holding onto my arm and effectively keeping me away from Ashley. It was a good thing. I wasn't going to beat her up by any means, but I was ready to throw her up against the wall and well, you know.

"I knew you liked it rough," Ashley smirked. My heart skipped several beats and all of the spit in my mouth dried up.

"Kyla." I croaked out. "You can exit now."

"Thank god," she muttered as she hurried out of the room. She didn't even look behind her.

"If you wanted me to take my shirt off you could have just asked," Ashley said pulling her tee up just slightly. I was at a loss for words for just a moment as my imagination ran wild.

"I fucking hate you sometimes." I said as I shut my eyes tightly trying to avoid the visual pleasure attack. It was so hard to think straight. Abs. That tanned skin. So deliciously tempting.

"I love it when you talk dirty." Her voice was low in her throat and I knew the moment I opened my eyes I would find her darkening gaze upon my body. "Have I told you that lately?"

"That is IT!" I breathed out angrily. A matter of two seconds had me standing directly in front of Ashley and I roughly grabbed her face.

"Do it." She whispered. It was a whisper that almost sounded like a growl. She wasn't in control anymore and I knew that I wasn't hurting her with my grip. "I triple dog dare you."

"I wanted this to be perfect." I leaned in dangerously close to her lips. I could feel her breath coming in sweet puffs against my own throbbing mouth. "I wanted it to be romantic and non ordinary. And you.... you you you fucking drive me nuts."

"You love it." Her tongue snaked out of her mouth to wet her bottom lip and I had to resist the urge to seize that lower lip between my teeth.

"I do." I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to be the one to kiss her. Part of me needed her to do it for me, I was still too afraid to take that leap.

"I'm not moving, you have to do it yourself." Damn that little irksome brunette mind reader.

I took a deep breath and moved away from her lips and placed my mouth right next to her ear. "In that case. I'll take my time."

"Damn it." Ashley groaned and I felt her hands on my hips trying to tug me closer. I resisted and instead I placed a small kiss to her right temple.

"I've wanted this for so long." I whispered as I gently placed a feather light kiss on Ashley's ear.

"Thata fact?" Her voice wavered as she asked the question. This was getting to her. I knew it was getting to me, I didn't know how much longer I could take it.

"As a matter of fact," I said dropping another kiss onto her cheek, "It is." I moved along her face to the bottom of her ear and sucked the lobe into my mouth, biting and soothing. "Let's see if you can control yourself."

"Not. Fair." She croaked out as I made use of my hands. Trying to focus on teasing her, I slipped my fingertips under the hem of her shirt and placed the pads of my fingers onto her burning skin. The action rewarded me with a gasp.

"What isn't fair?" I asked as I left hot open-mouthed kisses on her clenched jaw. "Life isn't fair baby."

"Hate. You." Came the breathless response from my brunette, who was now trembling under my touch.

"You sure?" I nipped her chin as I asked and I felt her hands very firmly press into my back.

"Not entirely." She admitted as I ran my tongue along the shell of her ear. She had been trembling before but now she was positively quaking in my arms.

"Tell me you're sorry." I commanded as I reached her neck. The soft skin I found there begged for my attention and I gave in to my duty. I tasted her skin underneath my tongue as I gently sucked and pacified.

"I'm sorry." She managed to say between gasps for air. I pulled back and raised an eyebrow, almost losing composure when I saw the darkness in her eyes. I slapped her lightly across the cheek. It was enough to shock her and she brought one of the hands buried in my hair up to cup her cheek.

"Almost forgiven." I answered kissing her softly on the forehead. "One more thing."

"Please don't hit me again." She murmured against my cheek where her face was pressed. I knew it hadn't hurt her, but I also knew that she needed what came next. So did I. I had needed it for three months. Maybe even longer.

"Please hold still." I whispered as she cringed expecting to be smacked once more. However, I ran my hands up along the side of her neck to cup her cheeks. I rubbed my thumbs over her cheekbones and felt her smile underneath my touch. One inch turned into centimeters and finally our lips touched. I melted into her, a gasp escaping my lips at the contact. Her hand slid onto the small of my back and drew me closer, our hip bones colliding with each other in the best way.

"Finally." A voice said from the doorway. We pulled apart and I rolled my eyes. "Took you long enough."

"Where did you come from moment ruiner?" I asked perturbed that we'd been interrupted.

"The secret passage from the conservatory to the lounge." Ashley offered pulling me closer to her and running a hand down my spine.

"No, kitchen to the study." Kyla corrected.

"Creepers." I pointed at both of them. "Now get out of my room, I wanna see what your best friend's got."

"Gross. Put some music on or something. It's bad enough I'll know what's going on in here; I shouldn't have to hear it too." She exited my room humming Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On. "Don't forget to use protection kids!"

I shoved Ashley backwards toward my bed and grinned when she toppled onto her back. Two seconds later I remembered what I had stowed in my drawer and I paused to get it, "Are you ready for this?"

"For what?" Her voice was husky and as she eyed my body, I knew that this would be a night to remember.

"For your other part of our deal." I grinned as I pulled out the video camera and watched as her face began to question my intentions. Sensing her apprehension I smiled gently and climbed over the top of her, trapping her hips beneath my own. "There is an unlimited amount of kisses in it for you if you do it."

"Well in that case…" She trailed off as she grabbed the front of my shirt hauling me down on top of her. I placed the video camera down on the bed and brushed my lips against hers. The other part of the deal could wait. And as our lips crashed together again and again I couldn't help but think that everything that had happened had lead me here, and I was finally ready to fall.

---

_**Two weeks later**_

"This is Micah Christensen with ABC evening news, another tape of the daughter of the late producing mogul Raife Davies has hit the web. This tape features Miss Davies and another young woman, King High Senior Spencer Carlin who was involved in another scandal a few weeks ago, making known the nature of their relationship. Take a look."

The tape began to roll as Micah watched with an amused expression. The blonde sat on the brunette's lap, both were happily smiling into the camera and waving. As innocently as the video started out, it escalated quickly and the two teenagers fell into kissing each other. First lovingly, and then passionately.

The brunette's hands reached under the blonde's shirt and at first Christensen thought that the garment was going to come off. However, Davies pulled a small white sign out from under Carlin's top and held it up for the camera. As the words were revealed on the screen, Micah smiled.

The sign read, And they lived happily ever after.


	39. Epilogue

**Epilogue:**

After many, _many_ hours of…persuasion, I convinced Spencer to stay. My lips are chapped now, and not because I kissed her ass. Well, I mean, figuratively I did. I apologized profusely for all my transgressions and she apologized for hers. But uh, yeah, lips still chapped from the…persuasion.

Anyway, even though I was quite ready to come clean to the school, Spencer refused to let me go through with it. She didn't want me messing up my chances of going to USC, and while I didn't and still don't agree with it, I went along with it. Taylor's subsequent disappearance kept the focus of blame solely on her. There's still some type of…foreboding feeling though.

We graduate in a week; it's exciting and scary at the same time. Kyla and Cal decided to take the NSA up on their offer and have become junior analysts in their computer intel department.

Ok not really, they're heading off to UC-Davis to major in biomedical engineering and genetics. I can only assume it's because of their shared X-Files obsession and the want to create some…sub or super human species. All I know is, if they try and experiment on me or Spencer, they will be getting graduated cylinders up the yin yang.

USC admitted both of us. By luck of the draw, we managed to get in the same dorm building too. Which, of course, makes our extra curricular activities that much simpler. We'll just have to have a meeting with our respective roommates and create a schedule that works out for everyone.

Her admissions essay actually got her a scholarship into the Annenberg School for Communication. She's going to major in journalism. I don't know whether or not to feel flattered or humiliated that she used our story for the topic. I'm going to lean more towards flattered though.

We're doing very well, Spencer and I. We didn't go all the way that first night; we're waiting for a while. Don't get me wrong, we wanted to. We _so_ wanted to, but the mature decision was made and we settled for a nice night of making out and some light gropage. _Someone_ has a problem with wandering hands.

Totally her, definitely not me.

It does get harder and harder to control ourselves when we're together though. But I think we'll be able to wait until the time is right. And if that just happens to be when we get completely shitfaced one night, well then I suppose we'll have to deal with that.

---

_**3 months later…**_

TrojansNotNeeded: Ash? I know you're there. I know you aren't watching She's the Man.  
adhasnovds: Sorry, can't hear you simple person. Alicia is currently on my screen.  
TrojansNotNeeded: Oh my god. Are you watching the Olympics again?  
adhasnovds: No, just random videos.  
adhasnovds: and don't even judge, i found your stash of Nastia pictures in that "hidden" folder.  
TrojansNotNeeded: I don't... I don't know what you're talking about . .  
adhasnovds: you suck at lying. next time, don't label it as bb hotness. that gives it away quite easily.  
TrojansNotNeeded: Maybe you should be going into investigative journalism Sherlock  
adhasnovds: nah. film is much more fun. capturing all your mortifying moments on camera brings me so much joy  
TrojansNotNeeded: well at least u arent capturing our intimate moments  
adhasnovds: are you sure about that?  
TrojansNotNeeded: ashley.  
adhasnovds: yes dear?  
TrojansNotNeeded: come to my room  
adhasnovds: but it's so far awaaaaay  
TrojansNotNeeded: it's five doors down.  
adhasnovds: yeah. that's 5 doors i really don't feel like walking by  
adhasnovds: you come here  
TrojansNotNeeded: remind me why we aren't sharing a room  
adhasnovds: because we'd never make it to class?  
adhasnovds: and if we get into a fight one of us won't be forced to sleep on the common room couch  
TrojansNotNeeded: we never fight  
adhasnovds: sure we do  
TrojansNotNeeded: we do not  
adhasnovds: yes we do  
TrojansNotNeeded: no we don't ashley!  
adhasnovds: yeah we do, _regina_  
TrojansNotNeeded: ugh whatever janet.  
adhasnovds: no no, i'm lucy remember?  
TrojansNotNeeded: speaking of  
TrojansNotNeeded: if you get up and walk five doors down i'll let you come play debs with me in my room  
TrojansNotNeeded: my roommate went home for the weekend.  
adhasnovds: but ...spence come on. that's a really long way. just bring your cute butt in here.  
TrojansNotNeeded: i have diet coke with lime in here. ice cold in the fridge  
adhasnovds: i have chocolate syrup  
TrojansNotNeeded: oh  
TrojansNotNeeded: wow  
adhasnovds: so i'll see you here in 20 seconds then?  
TrojansNotNeeded: is that not you knocking on my door?  
adhasnovds: uh. no? how could i still be typing to you  
TrojansNotNeeded: you've carried your laptop to my room before. hang on while i answer it  
TrojansNotNeeded: ashley. get over here right now. please. quick. i slammed the door in her face. but please get here. now.  
TrojansNotNeeded: now!  
adhasnovds: what's going on?  
TrojansNotNeeded: it's taylor.  
adhasnovds: ... what?  
TrojansNotNeeded: FUCK GET OVER HERE  
adhasnovds: fuck me... hang on

The End


End file.
